Not sure whether to drink alcohol with colleague?

[Feeltherainonyourskin]

So I've been asked for a coffee by a male colleague who I have a crush on.
We arranged it, chatted a bit etc. and a couple of days later I joked that I'd need a stiff drink after the stress of work this week.
He eventually replied saying, well I know a cool bar called X in the city centre we could go to.
Not sure what his intentions are but I'm going in with no expectations.
The thing is I'm really not a drinker at all, it's been a very long time. He isn't either but part of me is tempted to have a couple of alcoholic drinks with him as it'll loosen me up, I can be quite shy and reserved and even though it's a shame I'd need to resort to this, the drink will likely make me more flirty and open and maybe him too.
However I am scared of making a fool of myself. Working together isn't really an issue as we're in a massive organisation, we don't work in the same department anymore and I rarely see him in work as it is.
Not sure whether to do it or not?

People in my office do go for drinks outside of work regularly, it's not frowned upon as long as your conduct in the office is professional!

Have a mocktail. If you’re not a regular drinker, don’t get pissed and embarrass yourself. If you like him, you can drink later.

I wasn't planning to get absolutely hammered, just a little bit tipsy as it'll calm my nerves. I'm not sure what to do, I hate how shy I am with men.

Also thoughts on him suggesting a bar? I didn't even suggest going to a bar together. It may be different for men but there's no way I'd go drinking alone with a male I wasn't into, unless it was like already a good friend. But it's hard to say.

I would have strictly one alcoholic drink, then switch to soft drinks. I'm sure the atmosphere of a bar and one drink in hand will give you the little boost you need without the risk of getting drunk and it turning disastrous!

Don't get even a little bit tipsy! You'll say too much and end up mortified. Have ONE drink if necessary to show you are 'fun'. Then stick to coffee/soft drinks.

It's neither professional - nor attractive, to be honest - to be a bit drunk on a first date.

I honestly have no idea if it's a date or not 🤣 he could just see it as friends, I've no idea!
Good idea, I'll have one, maybe two as an absolute max 🤣

Cross posted there with @Zephyry but our views are similar.

I'm assuming he'll be drinking a bit too? Like me he's not much of a drinker, but if he is drinking nothing then I'll feel like an idiot sitting there drinking.

I'd go for one drink or a large spritzer or something with loads of soda. Don't get pissed on a first date and you will if you haven't drunk for a long time. Sounds fun! I hope you have a great time ☺️

I have been out with him before, but it was in a group.

I wish I knew if it were a date or not, he hasn't called it one. I don't think it is sadly :(

I would say probably don’t if you don’t typically drink and haven’t for a long time- it’s really difficult in that situation to be able to know how quickly or intensely alcohol can affect you. For example (I’m currently pregnant so obviously not drinking at all) but pre-pregnancy if I was in your shoes, I know that for me personally, after 1.5 (ish) glasses of wine, I feel a bit tipsy. Certainly not drunk, but I can “feel” I’ve had a drink. Me and my friend have always been exactly the same with this, she had her baby in January and in March we opened a bottle of wine together and after 1 glass of wine she felt mortal drunk! Obviously because she’d had 11 months of no drinking at all it affected her a lot more than it ever had before, the same could well be the case for you.

I also think you don’t want tipsy you to behave in a way that sober you might regret, and you should really “be yourself” if you want this to be a first date kind of thing, because it’s pointless being Little Miss Confident after 2 cocktails and then when the next date is coffee or something you’re suddenly an entirely different person sober. Don’t rely on alcohol to form a relationship x

I’d definitely need at least one to loosen up! But I’m a light weight so don’t need much.
I don’t generally see men and women ever as just friends but that’s just me so I’d assume it was a date! Doubt he’d suggest a bar if he won’t be drinking too!

it's a date!

Thanks everyone. I do have a bit of social anxiety, I tremble and stuff, it isn't good :( I am planning to speak to a GP about it soon..
Generally I don't feel drunk as such until I've had a couple, so hopefully one will be ok!
Still not convinced it's a date, he probably just likes me as a friend 🤣

He definitely wants it to be a date!

😁

If you’ve had no alcohol for a long time would have no more than one alcoholic drink, as it will likely have a strong effect on you.

he probably thought from your comment that you were hinting at going to a bar. Seems likely he’s interested!

Yeah, 1 it is, I hope it'll sort me out 🤣 ohh I hope so!

Can you reply to say something like “A bar is quite the upgrade from a coffee! Is this a date?” with some sort of cheeky emoji … so a bit tongue in cheek, but opportunity to downgrade it back to a coffee if he says not a date?

I wish I could but don't have the courage 🤣 I might ask that at the end of the night if I feel brave

I've looked at the bar... It's a very chilled out bar TBF, don't want to say the name but it's not exactly an atmospheric bar.. hmm :/

I would go along, have one (strong) drink and then stick to non alcoholic drinks. I'd also have a story prepared about a boyfriend if he suddenly mentions a girlfriend, though!

He's definitely single, thankfully 🤣