My partner and I were together for 5 years, engaged, we jointly owned a house, 2 older teens, none together. We got together when he had been separated from his wife for a year.
I met him at a wedding of a good friend of mine.
his ex-wife was never accepting of us and the first 2-3 years she would have him running around fixing/paying for things as if he was still her husband. She would ring him several times a day, often calling 5-6 times until he answered and it would be something non urgent. She would go to his house and put my photos in the drawer. I left him over this but we reconciled with some boundaries in place. I have raised her boys for 50% of the time and I have only seen her briefly in car parks twice for handovers.
his wife’s friends were also unaccepting and would not meet me out of loyalty to his ex wife and he still hangs out with them. They were couple’s friends of him and his ex-wife and their kids grew up together. I have found this difficult.
i have been disappointed that he didn’t stand up for us as a couple, but I don’t think I’d be reasonable to ask him to disassociate with them.
the wedding we met at was between a close friend of mine and a good friend of his. The husband has never liked me because in the early stages of dating my friend , she asked me for my advice, she said she hated his children and that he didn’t earn enough to suit her lifestyle, furthermore he didn’t want kids with her and she wanted a family. I advised her to leave him and find someone who better met her needs, she did, but they reconciled months later and are now married with 2 boys.
the husband hasn’t forgotten my influence in her decision.
whenever my partner and I have a disagreement, my partner goes to their house and spills all of our difficulties, to which the husband friend offers total support and outrage etc
we have split up, back in November, and I am buying him out of the house. He is keen to reconcile however but I’m so hurt by all of this. It feels like a lack of loyalty to me. He keeps asking ‘tell me what to do?’
he clearly doesn’t want to move forward without these people in his life and I don’t want to ask him to cut them out.
at Christmas he hosted a party at our house for all the people that wouldn’t associate with me. I felt sick that they have all been in my personal space.
I’m quite sick of it all tbh. He has arranged a ski trip with his old friends and just bought a boat to arrange joint sailing trips.
I doubt the next person he dates will receive the same hostility, I think it’s because it took years for his ex wife to let him go. She has met someone else now ( after 6 years)
I think moving on is the right thing isn’t it?
I was married for 23 years and my ex husband put us first before everything and anyone and I think I need that again.