To take one child away without the other ?

[Nomorewine123]

My oldest finishes his GCSEs in June and has worked incredibly hard through a tough school life (bullying, socially isolated, no friends) I really want to surprise him with a city break in Europe away for a long weekend when he finishes. I’d love for him to finish and on that day pick him up and tell him to pack his bags we’re going . Unfortunately we can’t afford for the whole family to do it. His brother is 13 and I’m not sure if it’s fair on him although I would do the same for him when he finishes GCSEs too. My husband thinks I should do it and he’ll take our youngest somewhere in England for the weekend but I don’t know. Is it fair ? Would you do it? Just to add we are going away on a family holiday in summer holidays so he’s not missing out on a holiday just that city break.

It really depends on the child's personality. Fairness isn't objective but depends on perspective.

If you do it I would definitely say he'll get the same after his GCSEs.

Fair if you do it for the other one at that stage. They might still think it's unfair but explain they will get the trip too when they've finished their exams. Also sweetens it that dad will take him away somewhere too. If he's upset I'd be saying ur actually getting a better deal, a weekend with ur dad now and then the trip in a couple of yrs.

I'd absolutely do it.
I did similar with DD2 after her A levels. I took her to Athens and Madrid so went for about ten days.
It also coincided with her 18th later that summer.
DD1 went away with her BF at the time so we paid toward that trip.
I always make sure I treat my DC equally but that doesn't necessarily mean I treat them the same.
Different personalities and needs.
FWIW I have the most incredible life long memories of the time I spent on our trip.
But equally have incredible memories from time that DD1 and I have spent together just the two of us.
Definitely do it and enjoy the special time with your DS. Time goes way too fast and before you know it they've entered the world on their own term

Meant to say DD1 went on her trip at that same age as I took DD2 away. Not that they went at the same time

Sounds fair enough.

Yes you should do it. It is so important for children to feel like they are individuals and can have quality time with you one on one.

Remind your youngest that they too will get the same sort of trip when they are that age and try and make them see it as a treat for them too that they are staying home and having quality time with the other parent. They can choose a nice activity like a cinema or bowling day and have pick of the take away in the evening or have a friend over to sleep.

On a separate note if you are planning to take them straight after GCSEs make sure you take contingency dates into account

I take my eldest away for a weekend without her brother once a year. He doesn't like staying away from home so is happy with the odd day trip instead.

I wonder if it would be easier to manage if it was not as a surprise? So the younger one can know in advance and be involved in planning a fun weekend with dad? Would your eldest definitely enjoy being picked up and told to pack and be whisked away, or might he have made plans with friends or prefer a bit of down time first?

(Surprises never go as well as I'd hope in my family 😆.)

He may have his own plans for after his exams.

It’s totally fine if you are confident your DS1 will want and enjoy that.

After my GCSEs my priority was to celebrate with my friends.

My 15 yo (year 10) is also increasingly putting across to me that she doesn’t want me to keep planning things for her / planning her time. An annual summer holiday, fine, but not great chunks of her free time.

Luckily I have a DS10 who still likes to be treated to things! And time to do stuff by myself or with friends.

A more succinct way of putting it

But separate trips with each child are a good idea in principle!

Yes do it. It's a reward for all that hard work - may incentivise your younger child! And I'm sure the younger will like some daddy/son time.

My DH took DD1 to Rome when she finished her exams. I then took DD2 to Barcelona when she completed hers. It was completely fair.

100% do it. My son had an awful yr 11 so we went to Barcelona for a few days post exams whilst his sibling was still at school. I'll do the same when the youngest finishes gcse

My parents did this quite a lot when we were younger, I went on several trips without my siblings and so did they.

As long as you keep it fair (ie. DS2 gets a trip after his GCSEs or something equivalent that suits him better) then I think it’s totally fine.
I remember being really excited when my older brother went on a trip for his 10th birthday because it gave me a couple of years to think about what I wanted to do when I turned 10.

Yes it's fair. Fair doesn't have to mean the same thing at the same time and it's good for DC to understand this. I often did something for one & the rest would have equivalent, not necessarily the same, at some other time. In later yrs this extended to uni costs for one but housing costs for another. It's always been clear and there has never been any resentment between DC about who's had what and why.

Great idea, and nothing wrong with each child having a post-GCSE trip. Of course, it won't be a surprise for the second one.

The other dates to check for are the prom if they have one, and sixth form taster days, if relevant. You think they're done for the year, and then discover they're not!

I think that it is fine. I would however start putting money aside for your younger son's trip so if your financial position changes when he finishes his exam that you can still take him.

Thanks for the opinions.
For those wondering if he might have plans with friends I’m pretty sure he won’t (he doesn’t have many friends and those he may call friends he never meets up with outside of school) but I did wonder if he might want a bit of down time following exams. But I know he loves to go abroad and explore and the city I’ve chosen is somewhere he has mentioned before as somewhere he’d like to go. Having read the answers here I’m swaying more towards booking it now (I need to decide soon because there is a sale on with 25% off as a package for the 2 of us) I would definitely plan to do the same with my younger in the future but I just can’t get out of my head how he might be gutted this year to be missing out and think I’m picking favourites. It’s really helpful to read people’s experiences. Thank you.

Won't he want to be with his friends?

I'd do it and either dad takes the other or you promise a treat for him when he's done his GCSEs

It’s fine, just plan the same for the other in the future. I often take mine away just the two of us. It’s easier as they are quite different ages, more affordable and means we have quality one to one time. Dh has as well. They’ve been our best holidays.