AIBU to think my Y7 child shouldn't be getting pushed around in School?

[KitKatKathy]

Since starting in September, my DD has repeatedly come home with bruising after being pushed over and barged into in the school corridors. Yesterday a boy she had never met before kicked her in the lunch queue for no reason.

DD went to a lovely gentle primary school. However the only secondary school in the area is huge and with a poor reputation for behaviour.

I was speaking with a friend yesterday and they seemed to think it all par for the course and preparation for the work environment. I went to a private school and growing up, I don't remember anything like this.

YANBU - To think my DD shouldn't have to put up with this.
or
YABU - All school are like this and DD needs to toughen up.

I can't put either response. of course she shouldn't have to put up with it but yes it does seem to be par for the course (3 dc, 3 secondary schools - none of which have a terrible rep for behaviour) especially when in year 7.
I would mention it to school (they often have cameras in corridors).

She shouldn't have to put up with it.

The being kicked she should report to school as that is not acceptable,

Corridors in schools are often very busy and people do barge into others without necessarily meaning to hurt.

I'd suggest she works out where the busy spots are and tries to avoid them (find another route etc).

Have you reported each incident to the school?

Of course she shouldn't have to put up with it, no one has the right to put their hands on you. And what sort of work environment does your friend work in where men are kicking her while she queues for her lunch.

It needs to be raised with her teacher/head. Its not right and she shouldn't have to, but bit of self defence might be handy to know if its that type of school.

How could it be preparation for the work environment? There aren’t many workplaces where your colleagues are allowed to kick you!

preparation for the work environment

Only if she's planning to work as a bouncer.

I think a bit of corridor bumping and barging is probably par for the course in a lot of secondary schools. But actually being pushed completely over and kicked is a bit more than that and I would say not standard, especially if it happens on a daily basis. The odd skirmish, I think, is something that happens to most kids at some point but frequently being knocked the ground or kicked is concerning.

Is this sort of thing happening to her friends as well? Or does she think she's being singled out?

Where does your friend work?! In a prison?

Not our experience at all, though mine are in private.

I think a bit rougher is expected. But being kicked is a lot more serious than this.

How is it preparation for a work environment?! If someone I worked with assaulted me, I'd report them to the police. I'd also expect them to be sacked, and if they weren't I'd be looking for a new job myself.

Mine is in a state school, but one of those leafy suburb ones. I hear stories about bullies and vaping but nothing like what you described. Shoving and fighting happens in Year 5 and 6 too.

Both answers are correct tbh. She shouldn't expect to be treated like that, but unfortunately in my experience it is quite common so for her own sake it would.be good if she could shrug it off a little.

When my daughter moved up to a big high school from a cosy little village school, the corridors were one of her biggest issues. She hates the crowds, not knowing where she was going etc. School gave her a pass to get her a friend out of class 5 mins early so she could get a head start on changeover times, the corridors weren't as busy and she had more time to find her way to the next classroom without worrying about being late.

She's now in yr 9 and they don't phase her, but she is much more respectful of the littler ones than others were to her.

I think secondary school is a lot more rough and tumble for lack of other words.

The teachers are move hands off and there sheer number of students moving between lessons rather than one classroom all day means lots of shoving and bumping happens. People cutting in line isn’t tolerated at all by the older students from what I hear.

Year 7’s are put in their place pretty quickly by the year 8 and 9’s in larger secondaries. Going from a big fish in a small school to the tiny fish in the big pound is hard.

Nobody should be being kicked however for any reason that really does need reporting.

What fecking job does your friend do that she’s routinely assaulted & thinks your DD should be getting used to it now?! 😵‍💫

I went to a big girls’ comprehensive school - big in terms of intake & acreage: 14 buildings; woodland; gardens; netball/tennis courts in the grounds & playing fields with pavilion just round the corner. It had a one-way system to [try to] prevent injuries in corridors/on stairs; particularly important in the buildings that were converted homes so some stairs were the steep-&-narrow servants’ staircases. Apparently (presumably thanks to Covid) one way systems are now much more usual; often combined with staff supervising to prevent deliberate violence. Has your DD’s school nothing at all in place to try to mitigate against corridor rowdiness? No supervision in the dining hall?

TBH I don’t think she should have to put up with being shoved & jostled in the corridors, because it’s not ok when adult commuters do it either. (I don’t mean the involuntary playing of sardines; I mean the people who barrel along with no regard for the fact other humans exist & have a right to take up space). Certainly, though, she shouldn’t be being assaulted by other children (that’s what being kicked is) & the school needs to address it.

There's a difference between deliberate action like the kicking, and corridors being too small for 1000+children to move around at the same time.

And that basically is the problem... too many people, too little space, too little time.

Back in the dark ages when I was at Secondary, lesson change over times were actually written into the timetable. Now they seem to have to teleport themselves from one side of the school to the other instantly!

I went to a very rough school, there were playground fights every lunchtime etc. Ofsted shut it down actually.

I was never hit, kicked or punched, despite being swotty and tiny. Never got a bruise.

What your daughter is experiencing is not normal and if the school can’t fix it I would move her. If there is no other school available in your area then move house. Move countries if you need to but don’t raise girls to believe they have to accept being hit and bruised or that it is normal.

Yup, small state secondary. 740 pupils. My yr 7 DS has had to learn to walk very defensively along the corridors to avoid being deliberately shoulder barged by older boys. The casual violence has been eye opening, to say the least. He came from a large primary, with lots of SEN children and enough staff to manage the behaviour. Unfortunately, there isn't enough staff to manage the more extreme behaviours now.

Thank you all.

It does seem like some pushing and shoving is to be expected. However, the school is at bursting point with the number of children in attendance. This is causing some of the issues, especially as there is no one-way system and everyone pours into the hallways at the same time. Older children are deliberately sticking out elbows and legs to try to trip the younger children.

For some clarity, my friend seemed to mean that the pushes and shoves from school make way for more nuanced psychological 'intimidation' within the workplace and which my DD should be prepared for...

I have messaged the school regarding the kick and will message again about the hallways.

I don't think you or her should accept any level of pushing or shoving that causes her to fall to the floor or get bruises! That is completely unacceptable. Being accidently bumped into is understandable but not deliberate pushing, shoving, tripping or kicking.

I've never experienced psychological intimidation at work either.

If she's saying that it's from older children delibeartely sticking out elbows and legs, then yes that's what I would have expected.

But if it's a group of older students, picking on Year 7 to kick, then no.

Er, weird mind games aren’t ok in workplace either - seriously, I’d be a wee bit worried about your friend[‘s job] as well as your DD (or maybe it’s her colleagues & former classmates we should be thinking of?!) 🤨

Hell. The merry sort. Raise it. Use the magic word. Safeguarding, I mean. Because it is a safeguarding issue that they’re allowing physical assaults to happen in such a fashion; & they’re very VERY lucky nobody’s - yet - brought a knife to the regular fist fights. I’m sure some posters think that’s a ridiculous idea; they presumably are fortunate enough not to live somewhere knife crime is endemic. And indeed fortunate enough not to have seen families devastated by the murders of young people; often young people who didn’t carry a knife (apart from a penknife at Scout Camp) & whose drug dealing = doing their elderly neighbours’ messages including collecting their prescription from the pharmacy. (Not that it’s ok to stab knife-wielding, drug-dealing, gangs not Ging-Gang-Goolie, teenagers to death to be clear).

How diverse is the area? On top of corridor rumbles being undesirable full stop, for teenagers of some religions it’s not ok to be forced into close contact with members of the opposite sex. Think that’s wrong/unworkable/unreconstructed all you like; but if OP can use it as a hook to remind the school they have a duty to protect all the children, it works.

My gentle son went to a rough as hell, large council estate secondary school. They had riots in school, it was bad. I was glad he spent most of the time there in lockdown homeschooling. But when he was there he didn't come home bruised. I'd have lost my shit. Defo complain.