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AIBU?

Should I ask to speak to safeguarding lead at school or trust teacher?

9 replies

Tinkersaur · 30/01/2024 10:22

I know what the answer should be but I'm loaded with cold and barely slept so want to make sure I'm not over reacting first.
My DS is 7 and ever since reception this other little boy has been low key bulling him on and off. I've been up to school numerous times and had a lot of meetings with the teachers over the years. It does stop but then after a while seems to start up again. I've told my little one to push back but he never does as in his words "I don't want to miss break".

Anyway pick him up yesterday and I see him talking to the teacher who I over hear saying she'll have a word tomorrow. I collect him and ask what's wrong and he tells me this other boy has poked him in his testicles whilst waiting in line to be released. I'll be honest I misheard at first but when he repeated it and pointed between his legs I assumed the teacher also misheard so turned around and spoke and clarified with his teacher what my DS had just told me. She had misheard too.
She then told my DS she'd have a word with the other boy tomorrow.
Now I'm a scout leader and something like this in scouts would be a massive red flag and should be reported. A teacher should know this too so my question is should I trust this teacher and trust that she'll flag this to safeguarding or should I request a meeting with the safeguarding lead too?
The reason I'm hesitating is because I'll be honest I dont trust this teacher as numerous times DS has came out saying he doesn't like school as noone listens and the class is quite disruptive.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

26 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
4%
You are NOT being unreasonable
96%
Plinkyplonky2 · 30/01/2024 10:25

Yeah report it. Sadly with schools often you just need to get your elbows out to be listened to. Touching other’s privates in any context is totally utterly unacceptable. Hope your cold gets better, a rotten bug has been doing the rounds x

MissersMercer · 30/01/2024 10:53

You definitely ask to speak to safeguarding lead.

ShennyInfinity · 30/01/2024 10:57

Definitely speak to Safeguarding, low key bullying is one thing and not acceptable by the way but poking private parts has pushed the low key bullying up a notch, don't rely on the Teacher to take care of this, you need to be proactive now and get this out in the open, your child has told you what has happened and didn't try and hide it so show support and go to the top.

Gotosleepnow2023 · 30/01/2024 13:10

If it were me I'd email the headteacher directly and copy in the safeguarding lead. I wouldn't trust a teacher to treat it with the seriousness it deserves. Not wanting to slag off teachers at all, but they have endless complaints being made to them daily and a hundred other things to do, so they may miss the significance of what happened. Report it, this is your child and if you aren't pushy no one else will be.

Tinkersaur · 30/01/2024 13:11

Just spoke to the safe guarding lead and subsequently had a call from their teacher who said the boy denies being anywhere near my DS - which is a lie as he was one of the first out with my DS not far behind. The teacher and safeguarding lead says it looks like my DS was probably knocked as everyone was getting their coats/bags ready to leave school and sometimes that means there's not much room in the corridors.
The teacher said she'll keep an eye on everyone.
It's probably just the cold but still don't feel at ease.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 30/01/2024 13:15

Teach dc to use his big voice and straight arms. So if child touches him he say very loudly 'stop' or 'no, don't touch my xx' and then step back and arms straight out infront of him.

pastypirate · 30/01/2024 13:24

I'd be calling the school anx requesting a meeting with the head at this point. When dd2 was being assaulted by another child it took 5 complaints before it was dealt with. I would lose my shit like you can't imagine if she had been touched in her privates. Don't be fobbed off. I would also be ignoring what they said about the other child denying it. They have a duty to keep your ds safe.

SillyBilly1993 · 30/01/2024 14:19

If you can, I would write a follow up email to the safeguarding lead and teacher summarising what happened, the conversation today, and the agreed next steps. I would set out that you still have concerns and would copy the headteacher into the email. Setting everything out in writing makes it harder for the school to underplay the incident, and gives you something to refer to if the behaviour escalates.

The key message is:

  • This child has a history of bullying your child
  • Your child has said that the other child deliberately poked his private parts. There is no reason to think that your son wasn’t able to differentiate between an accidental knock and a deliberate prod
  • The boy’s version of events that he was not near your son at that time cannot be true because you saw the boys close to each other at that time
  • By saying that the boys must have brushed against each other, the school are essentially saying that they don’t believe your child’s version of events. It’s important that they don’t articulate to this to your child so that he trusts he can report any further incidents and be believed.


I would confirm that you believe your son’s statement that this was a deliberate act and that you have concerns that this is an escalation of previous bullying behaviour and so the situation should be closely monitored.
idontlikealdi · 30/01/2024 14:24

Hankunamatata · 30/01/2024 13:15

Teach dc to use his big voice and straight arms. So if child touches him he say very loudly 'stop' or 'no, don't touch my xx' and then step back and arms straight out infront of him.

Agree with this, when DTs were in primary they were taught from reception to put there arm out with their hand up and say 'stop, I don't like what you're doing'

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