To think a gastric band is the best option

[Tiredboymum22]

DH has gained around 6 or 7 stone since we’ve been together. He’s around 26.5 st and a 5XL. No nasty comments please because he’s depressed enough about it. I’m on the chubby side myself for my height but I’m not obese (size 12 but I’m v short). We’re not really intimate anymore and he’s hurt his knees trying to do sports, etc, which he always loved.

Every time he tries dieting, he goes for extreme options like Keto or juice cleanses which are expensive and unsustainable. He’ll cut out food like bread or pasta but end up caving and eating a pack of biscuits by the end of the week/month thus the cycle continues.

I’ve been told I shouldn’t buy processed junk food but we have an autistic son who’s underweight and only eats stuff like pasta, chips, chicken nuggets, etc. So the temptation is always there.

I know two people who struggled to lose weight for years until they sought professional help and got a gastric band via the NHS. DH thinks it’s cheating.

AIBU to think it’s gone too far now and medical intervention is needed.

A friend of mine has had a gastric sleeve and she's gone from being over 20 stone to about 11 stone and looks fantastic BUT it does come at quite a heavy price, she can never eat normally again, and I do worry about the lack of nutrients that she now has from having to eat an extremely restricted diet. Her hair has fallen out (not all of it but it's v thin) and she has very weak nails etc, which isn't surprising. I wouldn't say it's the 'easy' option at all. I do think it's better - and a lot safer - to achieve results through diet and exercise though. I can't see that the long-term health implications of having severely restricted calories can be good - although, to be fair, neither are the long-term health implications of being severely obese.

I'll second this suggestion. I have lost about 15kg of the 30kg I needed to lose on Ozempic. It got rid of my hunger pangs and enabled me to stick to a much healthier diet without constantly thinking about food all the time. It's expensive but I think if your BMI is high enough might be able to get it via NHS?

@Tiredboymum22 tell him to read the obesity code (its scientific so i found it easier to listen to an audio book). Seriously it will change his life. An easier listen that explains tha science behind intermittant fasting is Fast feast repeat by Gin stephens.

My friend had gastric surgery and within a year her liver completely failed. She was so lucky to get a liver transplant, but she's still not completely rehabilitated two years later.

Family member had one - not an easy quick fix at all. Had to lose significant amount of weight before op could go ahead anyway, lost lots of their hair and was very unwell afterwards and a year on the weight is coming back on

Embarrassingly I didn’t really know the difference between a band and a sleeve. Ozempic never occurred to me either.

There was something on tv the other day. I didn't take much notice but I think it is a new thing where you swallow a balloon type thing which is then inflated (or filled with water) and eventually it breaks down and is passed. I should have taken more notice.

I don't know if its always the case that fat people put it back on with WLS. I was fat and fed up, I went to Turkey for a sleeve, had 5 days off work and went tlfrom 96 to 57 kg, 5 years ago. Never put it back on, didn't feel a need to liquidise bug macs, learned to use it as a tool to not eat so much. I didn't want ir need 5 years of NHS therapy or waiting and am all the better for just getting on with it independently. There are some amazing groups out there, especially the friendly gastric surgery group on Facebook, you get to follow people through their processes, some abroad some in the UK, some people 25 stone, some people less. Totally kind and inclusive

I have been obese since I was a teenager and my entire adult life has been focused on my weight. I have tried everything and would lose a couple of stone every two years but I could never sustain it. For years people have said "just eat less and move more" but we have a better understanding now of how obesity causes metabolic dysregulation and upsets hormonal responses. Basically, if you're fat and you lose a lot of weight, your body will fight to get back to its previous weight until you maintain that lower weight for long enough to "reset". That can take years and not many people can fight their own body for long enough through willpower alone, so they gain it back.

I had a gastric sleeve consultation booked last year but I chickened out. Then my GP recommended I look into Wegovy injections (paying privately - getting it on the NHS is nearly impossible). I started taking it in November last year and it has been completely life changing.

There's no shame in not knowing something!

A gastric band is a device placed around the stomach to restrict how much food can be eaten. It can be adjusted by a surgeon and is reversible but there is a high risk of injury, e.g. the band can erode through the stomach and cause perforations, which are life threatening.

A gastric sleeve is when the majority of the stomach is surgically removed, leaving the original digestive system intact but the stomach drastically smaller.

A gastric bypass is when the stomach is sectioned off and the digestive system is rerouted so food goes from that section straight to the small bowel, "bypassing" the rest of the stomach.

In terms of weight loss injections, Saxenda is administered daily and Wegovy is weekly. Ozempic and Wegovy are the exact same medication but Ozempic is licenced only for diabetes treatment and Wegovy is licenced for weight loss. The medications work by lowering the blood sugar and slowing digestion, so you feel fuller for longer. In my experience, I feel normal hunger signals at meal times but I feel full after a small amount of food and I have no desire to snack.

There is sooo much blame for obesity.

I have struggled with my weight my whole life, and for a lot of it have been a healthy weight but even at a healthy weight every day was a struggle. I was hungry ALL the time. I never felt full. I never ever refused seconds without wishing i could have more.

I have 2 kids, both skinny and both of them turn down sweets and cakes if they don’t fancy them, just eat until they are full. I would eat until there was nothing left in sight!

Starting Ozempic i felt like i’d been inducted into a secret society of all the people i’d ever seen saying ‘nah i’ll pass on the cake’ (without it being a wrench) or ‘ i’m not that hungry’ or ‘i’ll just have salad’.

And I realised why for some people it’s easier to just… be slim. Because they aren’t constantly ravenous.

That’s a shame about your friend, but I have to say that’s absolutely not been my experience with a sleeve. I’m 2 years out, over 14 stone down and have no restrictions on what I eat, just the portion size.
Yes I had hair loss, but it’s all back now and growing well

At 26 stone a gastric band is completely useless. I had one fitted, adjusted super tight and lost no weight whatsoever. I had 5 stone to lose.
I've just had it removed as food would get stuck in it and make me vomit.
If you are that overweight you need a gastric bypass.
But personally I'm never doing quick fixes again. I'm on a calorie controlled diet of 1400 a day and I'm losing weight fast. I'm 62 so no spring chicken.

You can get chocolate, crisps and icecream down it with ease so I think I actually gained weight and became malnourished.

She doesn't have restrictions as such but can only eat a really small amount - less than a child's portion. It's no wonder she lost the weight! But how can such a small amount of calories actually be healthy for a 5 foot 8 grown woman? She also has to leave an hour between drinking and eating. She's physically sick if she doesn't stick to this.

So you made poor choices. I deliberately don’t eat chocolate and crisps now. As is always said, it’s a tool, not a magic wand

You need to eat little and often. I refer to it as toddler portions, but I’ve just eaten 3crackers and cheese with pickles for lunch…whilst losing you still need to be taking in 1200 ish calories a day, prioritising protein. I do 30 mins between eating and drinking, as advised by my surgeon. I deliberately eat a fairly boring diet as I’ve spent too many years obsessed by food, and now I work on eating to live, not living to eat

A gastric bypass means you don't absorb as many nutrients. The person I know who had it done ended up malnourished. They also over ate for psychological reasons and they didn't address those (essentially it was a form of self harm) with that taken away they ended up with even worse issues, in fact they are only alive because their body cannot absorb all the panadol they keep swallowing.

It's not an easy / safer option.

"Cheating"...cheating who? Who would it be dishonest towards?

I know a couple of people who have had gastric bands and it was definitely right for them. As PPs say, it isn't a magic solution but for them it was the best one and the only thing to have demonstrable long term results. Neither of them are slim now but they are "normal" fat, if you see what I mean, without any of the issues that came from extreme obesity. The change is incredible and they've maintained for years and years.

There are reasons it isn't right for everyone but I don't think "it's cheating" is one of them. Weight loss isn't a moral act of worthiness, it's something you do for your health. It's a complicated issue and you find what works in as healthy a way as possible.

Unless he does work to investigate the psychological root causes of why he eats, and makes unhealthy eating choices, all of these other things run the risk of being temporary.
Sugar addiction
Dehydration that feels like hunger
Hunger cues are out of whack - body is used to snacking, so sends hunger signals
Boredom
Lack of confidence in putting together healthy meals in a busy life
Emotional/stress triggers
And before anyone comes at me to go 'I tried all those things and they didn't work for me' - im not saying it definitely is any of the above! It's just a list of things that might help prompt some research into each of them, and some experimenting with the various methods out there to combat them. Worked for me (the top 3 were my big issues)

I have been (on average) 15 stone my entire adult life. Every couple of years I'd put myself through misery to lose a bit of weight but I was ravenous constantly and I couldn't sustain it. During lockdown, my life felt like it was unravelling and my weight reached 18 stone 5. I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD, I started ADHD medication and for the first time ever, my brain had the dopamine it needed. I stopped binge eating overnight and I lost 50lbs with little effort but as soon as I got back to just under 15 stone, the weight loss stopped and I was back to misery if I wanted to get any smaller.

Like you say, dieting was awful because I was so hungry all the time. I'd be thinking about when I could next eat, literally while I was eating something else. I had no brain space for anything because all I could think about was food and how hungry I was.

Since starting Wegovy 12 weeks ago, I have lost another 32lbs with little effort because I just don't think about food. I wish I could stay on it forever!

Agree with @Foxblue
Your DH needs to address his relationship with food - nobody's happy being in pain & unable to do things they love at 26st.
There's a reason why the pack of biscuits is a stronger draw than a body he can comfortably live in.

FWIW, mine was ingrained association of food with love (mums a feeder) & horrendous snacking culture when I lived at home.

In the extreme situation that your DH is in, I'd personally spend my money on counselling before opting for potentially risky & unpleasant major surgery.

Thankfully it’s not you that needs to know the difference.

Oh i’m autistic too. Constantly starving when not on meds. maybe there’s something in that

Only 5% of very obese people having had bariatric surgery manage to keep the weight off for good. Its about a total lifestyle overhaul combined with psychiatric help for any trauma suffered in childhood or adult life. Its not a magic solution, it still takes a lot of hard work.