Firstly I just want to say I’m not thinking about my ex romantically or sexually. I just wish I stopped thinking about him at all.
We were together for 6 years and he was my ‘first proper love’. The relationship wasn’t great for about 60% of it but I stayed because I was worried I’d be alone otherwise (lots of growth since then!). He made me desperately unhappy and insecure, and eventually he was the one to leave me for someone else, and I later found out he had been cheating on me with multiple people for over a year.
I was devastated but he gaslighted me into making me think there was nothing wrong with what he’d done. I never got to be angry about it, I never got an apology, I never got any closure.
I’ve now been with my partner for 5 years, we’re engaged, and a 3 year old DS and have a home together. We even run a successful company together. Life is good and he is incredible and I’d never imagined I could be happy like this.
But there are times when I still feel sad about my ex, get angry at him, want to message him to tell him how much he hurt me.
Other times I want to bring him up (I don’t), I find myself comparing things, or I wonder how he’s doing.
But it’s pathetic, why am I even still giving him head space?
I’m just wondering if this is normal, because I’m feeling guilty about it, and do you think this means anything?