Reassure me ref: primary friends

[CarefulPython]

Small village school, DD age 5 is in Y1, I work full time so don’t do any pick ups, I haven’t formed any mum friends (nor do I want to, DH and I aren’t very extrovert and like our family time). We invite the odd friend over but DD rarely gets an invite back.

DD is unlikely to go to the same secondary as most of her year mates.

Reassure me that missing out on 3 play dates a week won’t damage her psychologically for the rest of her life?

Do you have friends outside of the school who have children your DD is friends with? We don't do school play dates as most of my friends have kids who are my DDs friends, but i think it would be quite sad if your child has no other children to play with

There's a big middle ground between 3 playdates a week and "the odd invite".

If you both work then obviously playdates are going to be restricted to weekends, but the point about her being unlikely to go to the same secondary school as her classmates is irrelevant when she's only in Y1! Is she just supposed to wait till she's in Y7 to make friends, or should she wait even then until she knows what uni they're going to?! She needs friends and socialisation now - regardless of what school they go to in six years' time. Maybe she's getting enough of that within school hours, maybe she's not - but the focus should be on what this Y1 child needs now, not whether they will still be friends in Y7!

playdates are great but not three a week, one a week or every couple of weeks or once a month. Does your dc ask for playdates. Does dc do anything social after school or noth bothered. My dd loved rainbows after school...I viewed it as lots of playdates who I didn't host. Strange you talking about secondary school which your child is only in year 1. Dc can have friends before they 11 surely.

Missing out on the play dates might not but missing out on talked about birthday parties might be upsetting if she’s not invited

Does she have any hobbies where she spends time with other children? I don't think you necessarily have to have constant play dates but it is good for them to socialise and have little friends. My DSD has come on leaps and bounds with her confidence since starting school, participating in hobbies and having regular play dates.

I will say, having playdates does involve some effort as people have busy lives, kids have different commitments etc. So it really does require both sets of parents to be proactive.

Sorry pressed send too soon, think it would be good to ensure she has some friendships, maybe check with teacher

I think YABU and really selfish here. Okay, she isn’t going to the same secondary. So what? She needs the socialisation now regardless.

You might not want to make mum friends, but don’t hold her back.

Arranging playdates is really difficult if you work full time. I used to have DD's friend over quite often as I was able to stop work at 3 and pick her up. I had no expectation of return visits on a regular basis as I knew it was tricky for the mum. In Y1 a playdate once or twice a term is plenty if you can manage that. Otherwise don't stress about it.

I didn't have much playdates when I was in primary school as my parents were quite introverted. However, I did make friends with two girls towards the end of primary school/start of secondary school and we're still close friends now (in our late 30s). I did feel a bit lonely as a child so I try to encourage my boys to socialise/have playdates regularly.

She does have a hobby that involves friends her own age that she does on a regular basis.

It isn’t the same. You spend years with your school friends; 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. Those relationships are important to foster.

I think it's fine. I never had play dates as a child and most of my family and friends don't host them. My dcs make friends at school, they have extracurriculars after school so aren't available for playdates then, and at weekends we do classes or day trips as a family. To me that is more important than sitting around someone else's house playing with their toys. My dcs do activity camps in school holidays and sometimes hang out with friends there, and do trips with school and the various clubs they do. Sometimes I'll send them to after school care so they can hang out with a mate there (I don't need it for childcare) - less hassle than hosting in my own house.