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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Problems with in-laws

4 replies

Needablueskyholiday · 29/01/2024 12:01

When I first met DH, we all got along so well. My in-laws then emigrated and almost instantly, all they cared about was their new life abroad. About a year after emigrating, my DH’s grandfather’s health declined. My inlaws couldn’t be bothered to come back when he was on his death bed, they never really liked him and always just spoke about getting their hands on his inheritance. At the same time the grandfather gifted me a family heirloom ring to pass on to our DD when she was old enough. My DH’s mum (so grandfather’s DiL, not his daughter) was seething. Saying she wanted to be the one to distribute the jewellery as it was all being left to her. She was absolutely vile about the whole situation, snarling at me I know what he did etc. I never asked for the ring, he wanted me to have it. They also left DH’s brother who had a mental health breakdown and spent hundreds of thousands of pounds on a gambling addiction, when he needed them most. At the time I tried to reach out to BiL to help and through my in-laws they passed on a message from him saying “don’t contact him again.” They hurt me so much. It causes so many arguments with DH as I just wish he stood up to them. DH hates confrontation and I guess they are his parents ultimately. He has promised though going forward to put me and the kids first. AIBU that I now despise them?

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 29/01/2024 12:22

They sound awful, but the parents have emigrated, the BIL doesn't want any contact with you, and the grandfather has now died, so what actual impact are they having on your lives now? They didn't even come back to the country when FIL's father died, so I can't imagine they're popping over to visit you. You don't have to see them or speak to them.

You also mention that your DH has promised to put you and your children first from now on - but in what way was he not doing that before? Has he been siding with his mad parents or something?

Ponoka7 · 29/01/2024 14:22

Your FILs relationship with his father is none of your business. I don't see why they aren't entitled to go and live their life, now their children are adults. It's up to your BIL if he has any contact with you. Like the pp, I don't see why you are still so obsessed with people who live in a different country and are LC.

StrawberryWater · 29/01/2024 14:25

Cut them off.

The will isn't their business and as for BIL just leave him be. You're best off out of that mess. Gambling addicts are a pain the arse to deal with (trust me, I was nearly bankrupted by one).

Go live you life and all communication with any in-law going forward is for DH to sort out. If he tries to use you as a meat shield again tell him you won't put up with it.

ColdButSunny · 29/01/2024 14:27

YANBU to feel upset, but as pp says, the fact that they are being awful to you but also live abroad seems ideal in the sense that you don't have to see them?

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