My Boss is a D*ck

[kiarah]

So my boss (33M) is a very self serving person which I always knew and have put up with. Since finding out I’m pregnant I’ve had no time for his teasing jokes/comments (as the only woman in the office I am often on the receiving end of this from him and other members of staff)

Last Friday I guess my lack of “roll over” attitude pushed him to the edge and he told me to f*ck off. Twice.

I left the office immediately & since then we have not spoken and it was only when I came into work today that he acknowledged what happened - without apologising he just drew a line under it and moved forward.

My question is do I take this incident to HR? I feel like based on his track record, when he finds out I am pregnant (not disclosing until I legally have to) he will make my life difficult- potentially dropping my salary meaning my SMP will be lower (he is already under paying me by 15/20k for my role)

Any advice would be greatly appreciated 💕

I wouldn't put up with someone at work telling me to fuck off.

How can he just lower your salary? Work places don't work like that.

Yes you should report to HR so that it's on your record. It should be a disciplinary warning for him.

I mean more in terms of he would find a reason to reduce my salary i.e. work performance/productivity and as it's a small business he doesn't have anyone holding him accountable

He would have a Judge holding him accountable if you bring him to Court for making up reasons to reduce your pay because you are pregnant

Then telling HR isn't going to achieve anything either. HR are not there for the employees, but work for the bosses. Don't forget that!

I've also worked as the only female. It can be be bloody exhausting taking crap all day. Walking out probably got through to him in a way nothing else would - the fact it wasn't mentioned or thrown back at you is indicative of that.

Tell him your pregnant when you're ready to, and carry on as normal. Don't forget you are probably more sensitive at the moment (I was in first trimester, apologies if you're not!) and give as good as you get!

Id make a complaint to HR. Get it on record and in writing. It might be a small business with no one accountable but they are still accountable to employment law. Be a squeaky wheel they will think twice about pushing around. And tell them you are pregnant as you are not protected until you do. And look for a new job while you are on mat leave.

If you go to HR, they will ask you if you wish to raise a complaint formally ie a grievance. So have a think about what you want. If you just want a record of it you could email your boss and just say you were shocked about being told to "f off" last week but would like to move forward and request a meeting to discuss so you can put it behind you. Equally if that is more than you want you could simply make a note of the time and date with details of the interaction and you can still rely on that at a later stage if needed. If you want action then you need to raise a grievance to your bosses boss outlining how it made you feel. Being told to "f off" may lead to some mediation for you both focused on respecting one another but not a lot more I suspect - maybe an informal reprimand for the boss for being rude.

Thank you all for your advice!

A little update - we spoke this morning and he did not apologise at all. Instead asked me what I think happened then after listening to what I had to say launched into this convoluted story about how I had been "niggling" at him all week and things had just "come to a head".

I asked him why he didn't address those perceived issues with me at the time to which he said they were so small he didn't think they warranted mentioning. I asked why was it then he was bringing them up now as an explanation for his behaviour. He began to bristle somewhat then changed tack and started to point out areas of my work that could do with improving and how he wants me to "be as broken as he is at EOD"

I began to stick up for myself (the work I do really should be split between at least 2 if not 3 people) and then I stopped and let him exhaust himself as I realised I just do not care any more.

Unfortunately I was hired young and eager to prove myself and now see how much advantage he has been able to take. I will absolutely be looking for a new job while on Mat Leave & just grin and bear somewhat it until I drop the bomb

Go to HR about the whole situation. He can cut your salary because you are pregnant? Illegal. He is clearly a bully and you need to not just talk about the F-Offs, but any other stuff he has done previously. He needs to be disciplined or even fired by the sounds of it. You could go to Tribunal over it so they had better listen.

I'd be tempted to tell him of your pregnancy sooner rather than later if you suspect he is going to unfairly disadvantage you in some way. If he does this without knowing you are pregnant, you don't have protection on those grounds, even if what he does is unfair for other reasons.

Do you have employee assistance?
And join a union.

SoDoff has it right. The sooner you tell them that you're pregnant, the faster your maternity rights/protections kick in so you can take them to tribunal and get a massive settlement if they screw you over at all.

Put your pregnancy/expected due date in very clear writing in an email to the boss and HR, and BCC in your personal email address so you have a copy even if you get locked out of the work system.

ACAS and PregnantThenScrewed advice lines are the places to ring if your boss tries to demote you, manage you out, or outright let you go even if he says it's not to do with pregnancy. Tribunals take a very dim view of such things.

he wants me to "be as broken as he is at EOD"

What a bloody awful attitude. Take the advice you've been given on this thread, protect your position asap.

Added context

Very small business - 4 members of staff including boss so there isn't anyone I can speak to, to get him fired & HR is provided by an external company - only reason I know the contact is because I helped draft/ammend some parts of our HR booklet (when we can take holiday etc)

I think I will refer this to HR. I appreciate HR isn't for anyone but the bosses however I'm second in command and feel fairly confident that anything I say will be held in confidence. I do not necessarily want to make it into a bigger issue - more log it as an incident that made me feel uncomfortable and intimidated in the event of any more issues in the next few months.

I also do not want to inform him of my pregnancy as I feel that would give him time to prepare and force me to even more things outside of my remit to get the most out of me before I leave which he absolutely does not deserve.

HR's job is literally to protect the company and make everything to that end look like an accident. I wouldn't risk it. Just get your notice of pregnancy in and start job hunting while on mat leave. He's an absolute prick but you can't change him.

This may be risky but I've found that even senior people are often surprisingly quick to retreat if you pull them up, appropriately, on indisputably bad behaviour like telling their reports to fuck off.

Call pregnant then screwed advice line asap

I would definitely report it. I had one incident with a prior manager, and I wanted to coast it out until I left. Someone in management knew of the situation, so I was in my view "protected" from the bully. The protecting person left, the harassment was targetted and relentless until I quit as there was no record of the incident. If you ever question "should I go to HR" the answer is YES. They do protect the company, but also that involves protecting the company from individuals like the one you are working with who can cause damage in many other ways. Create a paper trail, and if you won't go to HR at least write up the exact details of what happened and date stamp it for your future records.

Going to give them a call today when they open! Thanks

Start gathering documents and evidence as you would prepare for a tribunal.

Good luck!

Be aware that, until your workplace know you are pregnant, they cannot be liable for maternity discrimination. So there is an advantage to you in telling them sooner rather than later, although that "advantage"
Is protection from discrimination you should not suffer anyway.

If he tries anything, contact pregnant then screwed.

Some reason I missed these yesterday!

I think you're both very right (and others who have said similar things)

Should I wait until first scan (few weeks away) or just say it now and get it over with?

Also again do I do this verbally and then follow up with an email (schedule send whilst we speak)

Absolutely report it to hr and get your emails evidence in order if you can. Additionally make sure you do tell them that you’re pregnant because you’ll be protected. if he reduces salary, in the eyes of a judge that could look like discrimination. Or if he treats you badly after the complaint is made, it could look like whistle blowing detriment to a judge.