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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if others enjoy the IVF process?

46 replies

RaggyDollSadSack · 29/01/2024 10:42

I’ve just done round number 5 (although I am fortunate enough to have a living child). My psychologist asked me the day before it started whether I enjoy the process. This sounded like a bonkers suggestion to me if I’m honest.

Before l get critical of her though, I feel I should check how others feel about it. Has anyone here enjoyed it?

OP posts:
YourGoatAteMyFishfinger · 29/01/2024 16:19

Enjoy it?!
That seems quite a bizarre take on the ivf process. I’m guessing they don’t have much experience of ivf themselves.
I was always, always eager to get started on the next cycle, but that was in desperation, not because I thought it was an enjoyable thing to go through!

soscarlet · 29/01/2024 16:24

Enjoy it?! It’s horrific! Painful, intrusive, stressful. I’m grateful that IVF got me pregnant but it’s not exactly fun is it. I didn’t go to the fertility clinic for giggles.

TinaOutOfOffice · 29/01/2024 16:33

I didn't enjoy it, but I was actually very keen and happy to be there. In my mind I'd been without control over my own fertility for so long that IVF felt like a teeny tiny nudge in what could be the right direction! I didn't mind the intrusiveness or the injections, I was just blinded by hope.

It was of course, nerve wracking with regards to fertilisation and the two week wait after embryo transfer.

I was so very, very, fortunate, for it to have worked. I don't imagine I would have kept these feelings on a second, third or more go!

CuriousGeorge80 · 29/01/2024 16:34

Gosh no, it was horrible. Invasive, painful. Ugh.

Busyhedgehog · 29/01/2024 16:36

I was generally quite emotionally detached and tried to just take it day by day. No, I didn't enjoy the injections and the medication and the worry about whether it would work or not. I didn't enjoy the disappointment and then the anticipation of the next round.
We've done 6 rounds of IVF.

BillionaireTea · 29/01/2024 16:36

There's something about that reframe that could be helpful. Obviously nobody would enjoy it - but thinking about what there is to enjoy in it could help make it feel more positive.

I wonder if the psychologist was doing this for that reason.

Also, IVF has a tendency to make you live in the future. "Just get through this, and then everything will be OK". The idea of thinking "what is there to enjoy, right now?" can be helpful.

Cannotmakeitwork · 29/01/2024 16:38

I sort of get it, my first round it just gave me some hope, a bit of control over something there was no control over. So no it wasn’t enjoyable but I couldn’t wait to start.

2nd round not so much 😬

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/01/2024 16:39

A friend said she felt it gave them their marriage and particularly their sex life back. So not ivf per se but they’d been trying and stressing for years and knowing there was nothing they could do without ivf seemed liberating in a way, from what she said.

BillionaireTea · 29/01/2024 16:40

Actually - for my own healing (6 rounds here)... I enjoyed...

Having a lower stress work life - I put my career on the back burner
Having more gaps within work and life to rest and recover - it was shit to have to recover but good to be able to.
Before each IVF, thinking of my health nourishing diet, and fitness, really prioritising them more than I have before or since.
That fucking amazing druggy moment just as you slide under the general anaesthetic.
:)

mynameiscalypso · 29/01/2024 16:41

I only did one round. Couldn't face doing another. I hated everything about it. I felt violated and out of control. I assume that if it was successful, you might have a different perspective on it though.

Gettingbysomehow · 29/01/2024 16:41

Dsis did not enjoy it at all, got pregnant on round 6 (lives abroad) and cried every time it failed.
I can't honestly see what's enjoyable about it.

Channellingsophistication · 29/01/2024 16:42

Enjoy? Endure maybe. It’s a distressing process which is painful emotionally, physically and financially

turquoisedolphin · 29/01/2024 16:44

No, definitely not!

But, when I've was over and I had to baby I really did struggle to adjust to the lack of appointments. I think there's something about relentless appointments, medications and waiting for phone calls that gives you a sense of "control".

MRSMTO · 29/01/2024 16:45

No I didn't 'enjoy' it but I didn't think it was horrendous either.

The only part I found bad was the 2ww because it sends you mad.

I had 6 full rounds and I suppose instead of enjoying it, I did look forward to them, because it meant we were actually doing something and I didn't mind the injections, scans etc because they were all a means to an end.

turquoisedolphin · 29/01/2024 16:45

^When it was over and I had no baby...

(Sorry for above typos)

Potatodreams · 29/01/2024 16:48

No I didn’t but therapists always have to ask stupid questions like that, apparently to make you think. I find it quite insulting to be honest. Does this kind of thing ever actually help anyone?

LoveFridayNights · 29/01/2024 16:50

It was an awfully distressing and stress inducing process.

I guess your psychologist has zero experience of it. Were they really serious?

LemonLight · 29/01/2024 16:52

It was one of the most awful things I've ever had to go through.

stemmedroses · 29/01/2024 16:56

By the time I got to IVF, I was so bamboozled with what I should and shouldn't be doing in order to get pregnant so it was quite nice to have the clinic tell me exactly what to do and when to do it.

Infertility was awful but I found the actual IVF process comforting.

Very important to find a clinic that you trust.

Frosty1000 · 29/01/2024 17:07

Er no, enjoy is not the word I'd use. It was horrible with stress, expectation and side effects of the many drugs I injected. However it was a relief in a way as I didn't have to perform like a circus monkey at certain times a month when I just really didn't want to knowing it's never happen.

Maybe she thinks round 5 = you liking it as you keep going again?? A rather naïve way to view doing it multiple times but hey ho.

Ididivfama · 29/01/2024 17:24

Is it weird that I did? For the first time I felt like I was in control of fertility - every single day I was doing something about it. Gave me a bit of meaning again. I liked doing the injections, knowing I was doing something about it. So sick of just waiting around every month and feeling in control.

I wasnt working (already had a child at home) and had time to rest and recover after each stage as dh took time off work. We also spent time together going to appointments which felt special. My symptoms weren’t bad. Worst bit was the waiting to see if it had worked.

Ididivfama · 29/01/2024 17:25

stemmedroses · 29/01/2024 16:56

By the time I got to IVF, I was so bamboozled with what I should and shouldn't be doing in order to get pregnant so it was quite nice to have the clinic tell me exactly what to do and when to do it.

Infertility was awful but I found the actual IVF process comforting.

Very important to find a clinic that you trust.

Yes comforting for me too

candaby653 · 29/01/2024 17:27

I didn't enjoy it but I didn't hate it either. Saw it as a means to an end.

Wednesdaysotherchild · 29/01/2024 17:29

Enjoy it?! Ridiculous! I’ve done 5 rounds too and whilst my clinic has been amazing, it has been a soul-destroying endurance test and I will never be quite myself again.

thewalrus · 29/01/2024 17:31

Definitely didn't enjoy it, but as others have said, I was pleased to get started with it and have a sense of 'doing something/something happening'. It was a relief to not be just waiting, and the sense of just trusting the process was something of a relief.

And there were moments, not of enjoyment, but of that kind of high clarity you get at key times in your life. I can remember vividly the walk to the tube every morning (I often saw a fox). I was tired and stressed and anxious, but also purposeful and alive.