4th baby?

[NoSleepAtNight]

I have 3 children, 8 year old dd 6 year ds and a 6 month old ds. All throughout my pregnancy (was extremely hard!) we both said absolutely no more this is our last ever baby. Our 6 month old is the most contented easy baby out of the 3 (albeit a few nights of sleepless nights!) my partner decided we should maybe have 1 more, the older two grew up together and he wants our 6 month old to have someone to grow up with and he comes from a big family so that’s what he wants. I’m all for the idea but there’s just one problem, his mum/family. They would not be happy at all. My last pregnancy was horrific (HG, subchorionic hematoma, GBS, blood transplant due to low iron etc) I was back and forwards up the hospital I literally knew the midwives by name. Me and my partner were going through a hard time throughout my pregnancy mainly due to my anxiety (pregnant straight from a mmc) it would literally be a shit show and I’d probably get told I trapped him bla bla , but I love children and I love having a big family. I’m totally on board with the idea , I’m happy if he and my other children are! They’ve already been asking me to have another baby 🤦🏻‍♀️

To make this an aibu,
Aibu to go ahead and have another baby even though his family will not approve?

Who cares what they think. You should get married though!

Did you rely on them for a lot of childcare? Do you ask for help now? If not, it's nothing to do with them.

We did book our wedding but Covid cancelled it and we’ve not got round to booking it again and now I’m just thinking registry office as I want us all to have the same name!

and no very rarely! Yeah it is none of their business but this is a very interfering family 🤦🏻‍♀️ to be honest I’m not bothered if I don’t talk to them it will just be awkward for him and the kids but they must know it takes 2 to
make a baby!

Two and two is nice and creates balance, although your older two aren’t THAT old. I’d go for it and ignore the family. Be firm- “if you can’t say anything nice say nothing”. And good luck!! I have four so may be biased.

But if he wants a baby too then he can argue it out with them. Shame about the wedding- just that you and the kids are much more protected financially as a married couple. I also have 4 so may be biased!

So you’re not married and having child after child. Do you work? Are you financially independent?

If not, It all sounds like a recipe for disaster.

I’ve always wanted 4 so I’m quite happy with the idea of it and yeah I would take that approach. There the type of family that have too much to say 🙄

yeah of course I understand, we will get there eventually we’re too busy booking days out with the kids maybe we should get round to it sooner or later though!

You've said you don't rely on his family for child care so it's really not up to them.

If you can comfortably afford another DC go ahead.

I wouldn't personally. Three is a nice number.

Well after a horrific pregnancy do you want to put yourself through that again?. Personally I’d stick to 3 and focus on getting married.

I'd say go for the 4th baby as you're both in agreement to have another, his family don't get a vote in this, but defo get married soon.
Hope you have an easier pregnancy this time around!

@Alcyoneus yes, I run my own business from home at the moment as the baby but I have my own unit where people work for me while I’m not there and he’s a successful property developer! The wedding is incoming we’re just both so tied up with work at the moment and family life!

I wouldn’t care what family thinks, but your health would be a concern for me.
It’s irresponsible to put yourself through that again, when you have children to think about.

Just to add, we’ve been together since school (15&16) and we’re 33 and 34 now!

I’m the same on pregnancy front, HG is no joke. I want to ttc for a third but also scared of pregnancy. It’s a hard one for sure.

if you want it go for it

I have 2 and 2 ( now 24 and 23 and 19 and 16) They all have a sibling they are naturally closer you so that works well.
Your" inlaws" views aren't relevant unless you expect them to do childcare.
However in your shoes i would have health concerns about going through another pregnancy and also not having the protection of marriage. So I would prioritise getting married and talking to GP for advice about future pregnancy

Ime going from 3 to 4 was easier than 2 to 3. Never had any help from family..

I really don't think your in-laws' opinions should be a significant factor in your family planning!

I'm not sure it's fair to put your 3 current children through another potentially problematic pregnancy.

I would make sure you are totally recovered before you have another pregnancy. Maybe give it 18 months at least.

In the meantime please get down to the registry office asap. You can still have a fancy wedding later if you want, just make sure legally you and the children are covered.

Selfish basically , the more kids you have the fewer time and resources you have to put into each of them …and in this day and age nobody needs 4 kids, especially if you put your health at risk to get them.