To think this is serious

[Johojo]

dd13 met up with some friends, 2 other boys and 2 girls. One is her BFF. One of the boys tripped her up deom
behind. Then the other boy started to things like he would ‘tap that’ and making reference to her bum. She told him to shut up and he hit her on the back of her head. She then left them and came home. She says that they shouted out as she left. All the while her ‘friend’ made feeble attempts telling them to stop. They had apparantly done similar to her too, however dd says she treats it like a joke and perceives it as flirting. Aibu to think this is absolutely not flirting and is abuse? Or am I completely out of touch?

Your 13yo little child has a bf?

I read it as best friend forever?

Assault yes.

Flirting no.

That's how it often is for young girls these days. That doesn't mean you are out of touch though does it it means you need to reaffirm to your dd that she was right to walk away it's not flirting and she should never let a boy/man/anyone treat her like this.

Me too.

YANBU at all. It isn't joking/flirting, it's serial harassment. I work in a secondary school and we would come down hard on this behaviour and it would absolutely be recorded as sexual harassment.

Do you know the boys' parents? If so, do you feel comfortable to approach them about their sons' behaviour?

If not, do they go to her school? If so, you can contact the school on Monday morning.

Alternatively, you'd be well within your rights to contact the police.

Yeah that's not ok, good on your daughter for sticking up for herself and walking away from that situation though. I know I wasn't strong enough to say "this isn't ok" when boys pulled this sort of shit when I was her age.

It's so gross that girls have to deal with this shit from boys and men from such a young age. Make sure your daughter knows this is absolutely not flirting and she never, ever has to put up with this from a boy, or man in the future.

Also if you're going to comment @Aptique at least read the post, nowhere did OP say her child has a boyfriend, and even if she did I'm not sure how that's relevant? Would it be more acceptable if it was her boyfriend treating her this way?

YANBU but more than anything I’d be saying fair play and full credit to your dd for leaving that situation despite peer pressure etc.. wouldn’t blame her friend for not being able to stop it happening as that’s an absolutely shit situation for her to be in too when she is also probably trying to get her head round whether or not she will put up with this kind of thing to stay ‘in’. Being 13 is awful. Your dd did well - sorry she had a rough time but she left the situation- I might accentuate that praise for her and help her to learn language and confidence to defend herself - when her friends see her doing that they will also be empowered.

Yes I mean best friend

I did I told her I’m so proud for walking away. She was confused as the other girls put up with it so she said she thought about whether she should to but didn’t want that and felt scared.
it’s just scary. Surely this isn’t the norm.

Disgusting.

And same as when we were kids and if a boy was mean the adults would say "oooh, it means he likes you".

Graphics, hardcore porn paired with the likes of Andrew Tate is making things worse.

They view women and girls as existing for their pleasure. They are being told that they should be "alphas".

I would be taking this very, very seriously and discussing domestic violence and how things begin with my daughter.

I would also be asking her if she would like to be married to a man that pushed her down in front of their children.
How they would feel seeing that.

(this is to get her to picture the scenario, not really about whether she wants kids etc).

I know I’m actually sat her thinking thank god she respects herself and knows that is wrong. She said the girl tried to get her to stay saying it’s only a joke, and she said no I’m not staying here to be hit then the boys started making nasty comments about her body. She was a bit doubtful for a second when she came back as she wasn’t sure it was a ‘joke’ as the other girl said. But I told her jokes shouldn’t hurt. God I want to go and hit that little s**t so badly!

Contact the school about this if they go to the same school first thing tomorrow. They may do this or worse to other girls if not called out on it right now.

Best Female Friend?

Fair play to your daughter you should be proud of her which I know you are !

I remember being that age and some of the boys were fucking horrible, this one lad had a piece of paper in his hand that had been fashioned into a fan or something, he spat on it and then slapped me around the face with it !! I was so humiliated
Why would you do that to someone ?!
And yes I remember the "oh if a boy is nasty to you it's because he fancies you" seriously ?! Just be nice if you fancy someone why would you be the total opposite ?

Yes sorry it’s just a what came out when I wrote it
her best mate, who is on the whole a lovely girl who can stand up for herself with a good head on her shoulders

Think about getting her into some self defence classes. I think it's something all girls should learn from an early age.

These boys are in Andrew Tate's target market and are buying into his attitude to women. I would tell the school and the parents, and potentially Prevent too.

Well done your DD for waking away.

I have three boys, youngest is 15, and I cannot begin to detail how hard I’d come down on them for behaving like this

”I’d tap that”

id tap there fucking arse and ground them until they could leave home!

Omg that’s vile! What the hell js wrong with them.

yes I agree Andrew tait and all the access to porn etc gives a very warped view.

I work with a lot of victims of DV and I am hyper vigilant to these things (plus I was a victim
of dv myself and struggled to leave for a year)I have explained play fighting is safe and when both participants are consenting to this. It’s not tripping someone up from the back, calling them names and hitting them on the back of their head. I am so so proud of her and kind of relieved now I know she can do that. Iv always told
her you don’t let anyone treat you that way and first sign of anything you call me. Seems she called a very sensible friend when out who gave her the assurance she needed to leave and so she did. X

Well done you
i would imagine your boys wouldn’t do that though as it sounds like you have taught them how to show respect.

dd has a few friendships with some lovely boys ones that would never even think to say that, that wouldn’t let her well anywhere alone, look out for her etc. so shocked at this

Toxic masculinity is rife in schools. As a staff member I regularly had teen boys making comments about me and even had a rape threat let alone what they were saying to their peers.

I'm so pleased your DD was brave enough to step away.

Well my 22 year old has made me dizzy with fury tonight but it’s not about disrespect to women.

It is since starting secondary there’s been so many comments. Things she has known nothing about boys saying they want to do ‘back shots’ etc. she is very wary about being alone with some boys too which is a good thing it’s just a shame she has to be made to feel that way

Mine would be seriously regretting it if he ever behaved like that. But it seems like some parents aren’t willing to confront this vile behaviour.

She handled the situation very well.

A best friend? Hopefully
A boy friend? Would that be so outrageous? Or something her patents should control?