Forgotten how to be romantic/sexy

[Happyharry2003]

Hello this is a more of a wwyd and I’m after some advice.

I love my husband dearly and fancy him lots after 18 years of marriage 😍.

unfortunately I went through early menopause at 35 which was misdiagnosed as depression. I was given very strong anti depressants which made me out on a lot of weight, totally lost all Labido and turn into a complete shell of myself. My husband has supported me through all this. He says he still finds me attractive but due to his caring role over the last few years (I’ve held down a progressional full time job but everything else has been neglected), I don’t know how to get back to the romance we used to have.

im now on hrt and feeling much better. I’m on testosterone and just starting to feel my labido return which I’m really pleased about. But I have not lost the weight I put on so am very self conscious about my body.

I just don’t know what to do next. I feel awkward initiating sex as it’s been a while. I know my husband would be pleased if I did - I just feel embarrassed and not like the me I’ve felt for a while.

does anyone have any advice? We live in a house with teens who go to bed later than me so that’s a slight problem as well 😄😄

thank you!

Do you feel this is something you can have an open conversation with him about? I'm sure he would be happy to hear that you feel in a better place to get your sex life back on track and that might give you the confidence to initiate?

Oh yes I can talk to him easily. I have done and he’s been really reassuring and nice about it all. But I still can’t get over the ‘embarrassment/shyness’ side which is silly as on a day to day basis in my job I’m very assertive. I just feel like a fraud after being so unable to initiate for so long. I also feel like I’d feel silly being sexy after being such an emotional mess for so long. I guess I just have to go for it and hope for the best!

OK as cliché as this is, this is how I rediscovered my sexuality.

1. Buy nice underwear, not just ones for special occasions, but everyday bras out of lace etc and some really raunchy undies for when you want to. Pour moi is fantastic.
2. Buy a great vibrator and teach yourself how you like to orgasm. The satisfyer is amazing and can be bought on amazon. Its also pretty quiet.
3. Talk about sex. Obviously with your partner. Talking about it got me in the mood. This included fantasies (doesn't have to be hard-core things, could just be something like how you want him to kiss you like he misses you when he leaves in the morning. And send him naughty messages throughout the day, let him know exactly what you want him to do to you.
4. Spend time kissing and touching, not necessarily because you are about to get down to it, could just be in the car waiting at traffic lights, run your hand on his thigh or put his hands on yours. You will feel irresistible.
5. If the kids are putting you off, book a dirty weekend away, or encourage them to stay at a friend's for one night.

Wow! Thanks for the advice. I don’t feel I can wear sexy underwear as it just doesn’t look sexy on me due to my size. But I can do the other things. We used to use vibrators and sex toys together (nothing too extreme!) so it’s something we can do again maybe to take the pressure off me performing as such. Thank you

I think point 4 might be the best one to begin with tbh. I shall start today!

Lingerie isn't just about how you look in it. It's how it makes you feel and the confidence that gives you.
Silk and satin feel bloody gorgeous under your clothes and you feel like they are your sexy little secret when you're wearing them under 'normal' clothes.
I now have a routine when I want to seduce, I bathe, shave, wear some pretty undies, and some nice perfume.
My routine gets me feeling completely desirable, and seductive, so guess what happens.....

Ah I see - that makes total sense. So you’re doing it to make you feel good. Fab advice 😊

Book a night away if you can, we just got back from 1 night in a hotel, nice lingerie, throw a kimono on if you feel more comfortable.