Unrequited love, go cold turkey?

[Planejaneisstunning]

It's not confirmed, but I know deep down he doesn't see me in that way.
I wouldn't say I'm in love, but I have an emotional connection with him. I don't even look at him and think, wow he's fit.. I am just emotionally attached.
He sees me one on one and we talk for hours, no lulls in conversation. We laugh a lot and I swear there's a slightly flirty vibe.
I think he does find me attractive.
We've both said we're very similar and he said we have a lot in common.
No move in 2 months and I just don't think he's into me. Men usually make it known when they are..
I feel like I'd be an idiot to tell him how I really feel. It's rubbish as he's a really decent guy too, not sleazy or disrespectful.
It's just typical he doesn't want to be with me.
Shall I just cut ties and explain why?

True.. I don't think anything I've done suggests I have a crush though, like I've never been flirty or suggested I like him, I really pulled right back and said myself I was busy etc. And then he asked me to meet again.
I tried to make out like it was all friendly which is wrong I know.
Who knows though..

He sounds like he isn't that into you, if he's able to be so meh about meeting up. And then blowing hot and cold sounds like quite an irritating power game.

in the early days someone who is keen won't let anything else take priority. If it's like this now, it won't get any better.

People like him deliberately come across the way they want to appear. It can be a veneer.

Why not just ask him if he's interested in you that way? You've met up a few times, got on reasonably well and you think he's attractive - sounds reasonable to ask. If he says he's not interested, then you can draw a line under things and both move on.

That's what I initially thought, that it was a brush off. So I didn't push it any further, and so I admit I was confused when he asked to see me again 1 on one. He could've said oh let's meet in a group, or something.
I'll see how it goes on the next meetup, and then I'll ask.

OP I'm pretty sure I read your other 3 or 4 posts on this topic, 3 yesterday under a different name(he was a coworker yesterday but all the other details, includng the pulling away and letting him know you're only interested as a friend bit, are the same). With kindness you seem a bit obsessed with what he might be thinking and asking everybody what his intentions might be other than the person you ought to ask: HIM! Honestly, the amount of headspace this is taking is not healthy and you aren't even dating yet! In my experience, if it's right it's easy, if you are this conflicted at the early stage it's just not worth it. Find a man who is making sure you have no doubts about how he feels about you and leave the boys who like the chase and their little games back at their parents' house where they are most comfortable!

good heavens!

i feel like saying to this poor chap…. “run, run, run!!!!”

I think if he was interested he wouldn't have pulled back after the last date suggestion, but no harm in asking.

I haven't posted 4 times and the run comment is a bit rude.

Yeah it's weird he pulled back then came back, anyway I'll just see what happens

I think he sees you as a friend and likes the friendship. He pulled back to make sure it remains friendship.

In my own experience of someone is that interested they will make a move.

You asked him out because you are interested. He stepped back because he isn't.

I'd decide if you want him as a friend or not?

no it isn’t

he doesn’t want to date you
but he enjoys your company as a friend

when you have met 1-2-1 and spoken for hours… what have you been doing? coffee shop? or whilst doing your hobby?

well in that case, almost identical situations were being posted over the weekend by others

"doesn't want to put pressure on himself"??

You can do so much better 🙄

Some harsh opinions on here, perhaps he wants a friend. Friendship doesn't have to lead to anything else. He might not be leading anyone on or getting any power trip from this. He might just want a friend. Nothing wrong in that.

The issue is your communication. Both of you need an honest conversation about your friendship.
He might want to be friends, fine if you know and accept. He might not want to be in a relationship with you, he might not want to be in a relationship with anyone, he might be looking for a same sex relationship.
Talk!

I wasted 2 years on someone like this. Eventually I told him how I felt and obviously he said he just wanted to be friends. He was happy to spend hours talking in cafes and messaging non stop though. It was all an ego boost for him. I am still friendly to him don’t see him now as he moved away but I think it was just such a waste of my time now looking back. If he was interested in you then you would know.

There is an off chance that he is extremely shy and inexperienced.

My amazing boyfriend was a late bloomer romantically due to life and family issues, and I sincerely doubt that he would have put himself out there with me if we hadn't met through online dating (where both of us had a clear agenda).

Personally, I would continue to try to see him and even be honest about your feelings - but then if he shows a lack of interest after that, leave it.

Maybe he really enjoyed your friendship as opposed to it being an ego boost?

I've been on the other side of someone having feelings for me and we are still friends. They are now happily married and I'm really glad we're still friends.

I genuinely adore him, but not beyond friendship.

He is very inexperienced but that's all I know. I'll just carry on being friendly but not expecting anything.

I feel so embarrassed for misunderstanding though.

Just ask him!

I was also in this situation many years ago. Had a lovely friendship with a guy and I started to really fall for him. He was so warm and friendly towards me, and we were spending a lot of time together. I knew I had to say something as it was driving me mad.

I did and he said it was just friendship for him. I was gutted, but at least I knew and was able to get my feelings in order before they got deeper. Our friendship fizzled out quite quickly after. I didn't really want to spend as much time with him as I knew I'd get hurt, and I think it was also now a bit awkward for him.

I'm glad i told him. Shame to loose his friendship but better for me to know.

Looking back, I think he would have made a move if he had been interested. I think most men do when they like someone, some are shy and may need to know you're interested first - it was worth the risk of rejection for me. If he had been holding back because he was shy or unsure of my feelings, there was only one way to find out.