We live in a small community. Everyone knows each other. It is a very well off extremely middle class area.
Within the village, there is some social housing and there's 5 boys the same age as my DS living there. DS has been friends with all 5 of them since age 5. He gets on well with them, always included them to his birthday parties, we've had them round for playdates over the years, etc.
Through primary school they were all well behaved boys.
I know all the mums to say hi to but I've always found them stand-offish towards me even though I've been really friendly to them over the years.
Anyway, since going to secondary school these boys have all changed seemingly overnight into really badly behaved boys.
Now they're all 12, they're meeting up independently and going to the local park to hang out, and they are frequently calling at our house for my DS to hang out with them, which I'm agreeing to and am letting DS go out with them.
But DS is coming home after each occasion saying that when they're out together, these friends are shoplifting sweets from our local shop, ringing on people's doorbells then running away including houses that are family friends of ours, starting arguments and being physical with other kids they see out and about (who my DS is actually friends with), throwing stuff around, littering, and other low level antisocial stuff. I am spending all my time really strictly saying to DS "You are absolutely NOT to get involved in any of this behaviour" but he wants to hang out with these boys as theyve been friends for years but DS himself is nothing like this in his behaviour and is shocked by their behaviour. I'm really worried that my DS is going to very quickly develop a bad reputation by being seen out around our village with these boys who I know are rapidly developing a bad reputation. I feel quite stressed about it.
The group of them are always dressed in black sportswear head to toe and white trainers with shaved hairstyles, whereas my DS walks around in coloured surf wear clothes and has long floppy hair, so he stands out amongst the group and I hate the idea of people around the area sering him hanging out with this group of boys who are behaving like this.
They all get given loads of money to go to the local shop with, like £20 every single time they go out to the park. I refuse to give DS £20 to spend on sweets and junk every time he goes out with them. Their mums give them no rules, they have no boundaries, no time limits, nothing. Whereas I give my DS begaviour rules, boundaries of where he's allowed to go, time limits of when he has to be back home by, he has to keep in touch with me so I know where he is, etc. And he HAS to be back at the agreed time.
But this causes problems for him because none of them have these limits. They're all still out and about together in the dark every day with no set home time!
More and more people are identifying this group as being 'trouble' and I've had comments about people being surprised my DS is friends with them all. Even on parents evening at school, 2 teachers expressed surprise to me that DS spends his lunchtimes with them, and 1 of the teachers challenged me on this, asking me why DS hangs out with them and saying that DS 'could do much, much better with his choice of friends'. These boys spend their lives in detention for disruptive behaviour at school like interrupting the teachers, talking in class, not doing homework. Whereas DS always does his homework, never talks or interrupts in class, has never had even 1 detention.
These boys seem to really like DS and are behave as really good friends towards him, they treat him respectfully, are kind to him, include him in plans, they seem to all gravitate towards him.
I've known these boys since they were 4 or 5.
When I talk to them 1 to 1, they're all nice enough kids. But out together as a group on their own with no adults they're turning into kids that I don't really want my DS to be hanging out with.
AIBU?