Carving the time out made things explode

[AnotherCoffeeNow]

Thanks to so many of you who replied on my post about taking time out for myself and my DD5. I've been struggling with DD9 who we think has undiagnosed ASD and are waiting for an assessment which will happen this year.

Last Sunday I spent a couple of hours with DD5 at Costa, some reading, some colouring. She loved it.

Things were fraught when we came home because I wasn't there. DD9 was safe with her dad and watching TV. We had an evening of diving onto armchairs, sofa edges, the bed, she was so angry with me.

The sky is falling in on my life now.
The school has reported me to social services.
DD hurt her shoulder running into the edge of an open door, she has a bruise. I was on the loo at the time.
4 police officers attended the school.

Two officers to interview the DD9 and two to wait for me to stop me entering the school premises.

SS has notified my husband's employer and my employer after a 15 minute telephone call with us about what happened. DH is suspended from work. He is healthcare.

I have no history of violence, domestic violence. I've never had a parking ticket. I've never been arrested.

We have explained she has an undiagnosed condition very anxious about school and friendships. Scared of certain teachers. Scared of the noise of the building work going on there and all the new people here.

Lots of new staff joined in January and some also left to go on maternity leave.

Wants to please people around her outside of home.

We're getting help and should see a psych in the next few months. It's taking time and a lot of time to find the right person.

The kids are terrified. Don't want to leave the house. Don't want to go to school.
DD5 had a swim party this weekend was too scared to go. She loves swimming.

I am going to school and standing in front of the teachers who called SS pretending to be ok and knowing they are recording things.

I'm forcing the kids to go to school when they just want to be home for a bit and process what is happening.

What to do, just wait for SS to complete the investigation? What help can they give me? EHCPs are taking nearly 3 years in our area. CAMHS won't see us.

Sorry so long and thanks for reading if you made it this far. AIBU to just stop doing anything for a while?

What did your DD tell the school that led them to call the police in?? It must have been massive. What does DD say now about what she told them?

Nothing helpful to say except shit, I am so sorry that this is happening. Not just the SS bit the stuff before as well. When did life become so bloody hard for parents? 3 years for support? How is that OK. I am so sorry, you must be utterly broken you poor thing. Sending hugs even though it's mn

Blimey OP.

First a handhold and a hug because that's alot.

Having dealt with SS and known a few others that have I would try and access some advocacy. While the investigation may in time conclude in your favour it's worth getting as much info as you can about the processes and time frames involved as it is already impacting your entire life.

While SS should be transparent about all parties rights and responsibilities the stretched staff can sometimes miss vital points and explanations.

It will be intrusive and emotionally draining for you all but difficult though it is remaining calm and reasonable is key.

Also keep scrupulous records and timeliness of everything and everybody involved. If it does escalate this will be invaluable.

Wishing you all the very best and another hug from me x

Get legal advice from a specialist children lawyer. You can't trust SS to be fair or sensible, you need someone in your corner.

OP

I recall your other thread.
Can you set up a hidden camera in the living room or wherever to record DD9's explosions / violence.
That way you'd have proof.
(Do it but keep it to yourself btw, re the camera.)

There is absolutely no chance there would be that level of intervention for an accidental bruise. Your DD has obviously reported something very serious to the school. You must have an idea of what it was if both you and your DH have been spoken to. If not, you need to find out urgently what it was that she said.

Why is your younger child scared to go swimming? Has someone told her she might get taken away from you?

@Icepop79 DD said she got hurt when mummy went to grab her. I did grab her - upwards to get her off the cold floor after she ran into the door.

DD5 is scared that all these grown ups might take her away from mummy. She asked me during the police interview and she recalls them saying mummy wasn't here.
@WASZPy She said she's sad and she can't remember everything .She has ADHD so working memory and blurting things out is one aspects of the condition. I have explained as gently as possible that the adults heard these things and so this is why the other adults came.

I did have some legal advice about the investigation. I was told that that they usually need consent to interview the kids unless there's a big risk of imminent harm or a previous police/ SS history of violence/offending.

@MistressoftheDarkSide Thank you
@SeulementUneFois I'm wondering if this might cause me even more trouble, recording the kids without them knowing.

there was a thread a week or so ago by a woman who'd been subject to SS & i think police investigation because the child had made up stuff about abuse.
May be a helpful read if you can locate it.

The school has reported me to social services.
DD hurt her shoulder running into the edge of an open door, she has a bruise. I was on the loo at the time. 4 police officers attended the school.
Two officers to interview the DD9 and two to wait for me to stop me entering the school premises.
SS has notified my husband's employer and my employer after a 15 minute telephone call with us about what happened. DH is suspended from work. He is healthcare.

I liaise with child protection social workers daily and have had to call Children's Services to report suspicious bruising on a child more times than I have had hot dinners. I cannot stress enough how unusual this level of response is for a one off bruise on a child that parents are able to give a plausible explanation for. I have never known anything like it.

I have also worked with quite a few parents working in Health or social care who have been assessed by Children's Services and never known any of them be suspended from work unless there was actually a criminal investigation.

Your DD must have told the Police or Children's Social Worker something with has given them reason to believe she is at risk of significant harm. In which case, you would have to be told exactly what the allegations were.

You need a solicitor. That’s a very serious response to just a bruise.

Keep calm and get legal advice.

@neverbeenskiing Thank you for sharing this with me. Nothing else has been mentioned to us. The police has not spoken with us at all or requested anything via writing.
If there were a criminal investigation, surely the police would talk to us or notify us of something.

Thanks to everyone who posted.
The police called me this morning, there is a no further action message from them no charge.

I'm sure you and your DH are incredibly relieved.

I hope your DD's school & your DH's workplace will be informed too so that he can return to work.

I suggest you see your GP and ask if anything can be done to speed up the DD referral as clearly this could happen again. Also link in with the social work team and ask them for support too. And then on to the school too.

This part of the journey may be over but the rest is only just starting.

Don't know about the ss side but EHCPs must be completed in 20 weeks, it's a statutory duty. Get a solicitor on the case if it's not or you're already past 20 weeks,

Do you mean the referral for CAHMS is three years in order to get a diagnosis? The EHCP can be requested and completed without CAHMS involved or any diagnosis, and as PP said, it has a 20 week deadline, and moves very fast. It's taken two years for us to get the paedatrician appointment for referral to CAHMS for autism and ADHD, the process is about 4 years in our area.