To be so happy and fulfilled by one child that I don’t have another

[Oneanddoneortwotobethrough]

I have a 2.5 year old who I adore, I’ve adored motherhood and giving them all my time and energy. As is the way of life, a second baby discussion comes up now and again and we are mulling this over. Both of us (DH and I) really enjoy our life now and the joy our DC brings us. We’ve really found our new normal and enjoying how much easier things are now but still really enjoyed the babyhood stage. I cosleep, extended breastfeed and basically cater to all needs day and night of our LO and I am more than happy to do this. I can’t quite imagine another baby coming into the mix and 1) not getting the same amount of attention as my first 2) my first child no longer the amount of attention and struggling.

Sometimes when I talk to other parents they will say they didn’t want their first child to be an only child and I know the old trope of “only kids are weird” but WHY? do people feel like this? I’m genuinely curious, where does this come from? My child is so gentle and kind with other children, shares even though it isn’t developmentally expected and has some very close cousins we see weekly and spend lots of time with.

I don’t think in real life people often willingly say (nor should they, really) regret their subsequent children but I wonder if people would be willing to share with me if they’ve had similar thoughts around more than one child and what decisions they made and how they feel now?

Did you really think about it, go for it and love having more than one? it’s hard to answer but I’m hoping for experiences of people feeling similarly.

For full context, we can afford more children and finances are not of concern for our decision making which I know is very important and an incredible privilege.

For me, it's worked out well, because DD1 and DD2 play together, and that makes life a LOT easier!

I couldn't imagine loving a second child as much as my first. But went ahead anyway as my DH and I had always planned for two and knew from our friends' experiences that they seemed to have enough love to go around.

And of course when number two arrived, I loved her just as dearly. And I think I was a better mother to both because I had two. I think I'd have ended up too intense and helicoptery had I stuck with one. And as I'm now a parent of adults, I can imagine being more needy if I just had one.

Number two DD chilled me right out!

Ds(19) is an only child. The "only child" character assaults are pretty old fashioned now, I heard them a lot while I was growing up, but not in recent years as one child families are so common now. He has many lovely well adjusted friends who are also only children and they are his brothers!

We planned for two but it didn't happen for us, we accepted it as we felt very much about ds as you do with yours, ds was enough for us, and it has not been an issue at all as he grew up.

My one concern is in the future. I am one of 4 dc, and although we are not socially close we share a strong sense of duty to that family connection and did pull together to share the load when our parents aged, dad was widowed and needed more support for chronic health conditions. I know if I need them my siblings will be there for me and I will be there for them. I regret ds will not have that, I worry even if we put in place measures to try to prevent it dh or I might be a heavy burden for him to deal with alone when we are elderly and we cannot help feeling vulnerable and needy. I worry who will he turn to for help if he needs it when we are gone.

Of course there are no guarantees siblings would be there for each other, and my siblings and I have never had to call on each other for serious support, but it has always been comforting to know I had that safety net especially now we are all getting older and might need each other in some form or another.

I only have one, he's 18 now and it was the best decision I ever made. He agrees!

My sibling was the worst gift my parents could ever have given me.

Talking purely about my own enjoyment of motherhood (there were obviously more factors than this that went into the decision to have no.2)- I loved the baby to 3yo stages soooo much! I love the older ages too but found the early years just lovely. So with DD2 I get to go through them all again. And there is nothing more lovely than seeing your children playing and laughing together and showing each other love.

It’s nobody else’s business how you choose your family, if you’re content then you’ve hit the jackpot.
DH has three siblings, two live abroad and the other one is about as useful as a chocolate teapot so he had all the elder care responsibilities with his parents.
Siblings absolutely do not automatically mean a shared burden.

I felt exactly the same as you! DDis just amazing. I'm so happy with one. She's 7 now and it was the right decision for us. I'm the mother I want to be as I have time, patience, and energy. Two would destroy me! Some people can handle two no problem, but I'm not one of them. Also I have no intention on relying on her when I'm old, I'll be sorting that out myself.

You haven’t met my sibling 🤣🤣🤣zero relationship. Hideous person.

I guess I feel that my dc has benefited far more from having undivided parental attention than my dsis or I ever benefited from having a sibling, so the idea that my entire life could have been predicated on the basis of an erroneous assumption would be pretty sad!

I think it’s a personal decision, but I feel the same as you and we’re sticking with our one wonderful (and at times cheeky and testing!) DD.