Am I controlling

[PEEDOFFFACE]

Me and my husband barely socialise together, haven't since our first child born 9 years ago. no family near us etc etc. In the last couple years DH made loads of friends at his work. They now go out regularly. Only once a month properly for like a 9-10 hour event. They also spend another evening together in the month for a few hours then their company have regular events for them all.
This I wouldn't mind BUT we don't even have date nights at home. When ever I mention it we do one then never again until I bring it up. I work evenings and he works days so we don't see each other much on a day to day. Then if I'm off work he often goes for a walk once the kids are in bed as he can't go for a walk when I'm not there. Or he's sat in the lounge with headphones on watching podcasts

Just before Christmas I brought up how much time he spends with his friends and yet we don't really do anything and he said " so you don't want me to see my friends???" How the feck do I word it? He can see his friends. I just want effort put with me too. Obviously it's much easier to go out all day with your mates because there's no responsibility where as with me It would have to be something at home once the kids in bed or he book a day off when the kids in school ( which he argues that he did do, however this was back at end of September for my birthday).
I worry I'm being a Jealous controlling nutbag as I am jealous!I would love to go out as much but my friends have no baby sitters either. My job is hideous and I work alone, and my best friend died a few years ago and I have no family nearby.
But most of all I'd like to do stuff with him. So yeah am I being controlling, I try and use his friends to show how little we do together but he takes it as I don't want him to see them( he then lectures me that they are a big part of his life, however I've only met them in passing)

I keep reading articles that say if your husband doesn't give you attention don't try and make them as that ruins your self esteem even more and you should instead find stuff that you enjoy doing... Argh

You aren't controlling. Although when discussing with your husband I would not mention going out with his friends. It's a quick way to make him defensive and the conversation shuts down.

Regular walks, you say? How long do these walks take?

An hour, sometimes hour and a half

Maybe suggest marriage counselling to help you find ways of expressing your needs and wording things to each other that don't offend the other.
Is he caring in other ways? He doesn't sound caring in the sense that you've explained you'd like to spend more quality time with him and he's derailing this request

Can't you get a babysitter and go out, or go out as a family? Why can't he look after the children whilst you go out? I don't see why he shouldn't go out with his friends who looks after the kids if you are working nights?

I dont think it's got anything to do with going out with his friends twice a month. The issue is him not spending quality time with you. Surely he should be able to fit both in. And he should also be having the kids alone at times for you to do the same.

He doesn't seem to hearing you, especially as he gets so defensive. Does he see the walks as a chore? Two nights a month with his mates from work isn't so bad but I would be resentful it if I was stuck at home and ignored all the time.

What about booking cinema tickets or going to eat or pub quiz and then putting it in the diary. It think he needs to be reminded that it was fun going out on dates.

Are you sure he is out walking??? Sounds as if he isn’t really interested in spending time together anymore

Time and again I have seen threads where OP asks if she is being controlling of her H.

Rule of thumb - if you are asking this question, then you probably aren't being. And in so many cases it turns out it's the H that's the controlling one.