I feel like a total failure

[User36063]

My DD didn't get a 1st birthday party because we were having such a tough time the first year of her life. I promised myself at the time that I'd make a big effort to socialise and meet enough people with children her age to give her a 2nd birthday party, but that time has suddenly creeped up on me and I realise I'm not in a position now either to give her a party. I'm an older mum and I'm also not a UK national (although I've lived here a long time), but I really struggle to navigate this new social aspect of my life. My own friends' children have all grown up and flown the nest and there's no family nearby. I just feel terribly sad about it all. She deserves better! 😢

You are not a failure at all! You can make it extra special with you and her.

Making yourself feel bad won't improve your situation, it'll just be wallowing in guilt, shame and misery - that's not good for you or your daughter!

Planning a few practical things you could do to improve your situation for next year is much more positive and will benefit you both a lot more.

It won’t be long til she’s at school and makes friends

My twins first birthday was a few family at home. 2nd we went to a fun park for a play. 3rd tea party at home. 4the was a hall party with bouncy castle.

Biggest party was a joint year 6 party.

They are 20 next week and going out with 6 friends each into town.

Hey, come on. Not giving a 2 year old a party does not make you a failure. Just spending time with your little one, being together and doing something she will love will bring you both joy. It's not about spending money and putting on a show. You are good enough. Believe in yourself

You’re not a failure at all. It’s hard these days, and totally get you re:peer groups. You’re not alone.

Join a baby group in the local community centre/library/church. I was in the same boat - a bit older than the rest of the mums, but that’s what helped me create a circle for mine.

I didn't arrange a party for my child until they turned 4. There wasn't any point spending the money / time / effort before they were old enough to appreciate it. We just had a small family tea with cake, balloons, etc. instead. No big deal. Please don't worry about it.

My ds is 9 and has never had one.

I didn't even consider giving mine a party until they were 3 - first and second birthday parties are for the parents, not the children

Until they went to school my dc just had a fun day out with us and then cake at home with family, games of pass the parcel with cousins and hide and seek etc.
When they started school they started having ‘proper parties’ because they naturally came up with their own guest lists.
At 2 she really won’t know/appreciate/remember how she celebrated. Blow up some balloons and have some cake, few presents to open and maybe take her somewhere you know she’ll have fun. Doesn’t even have to be anywhere special!

My dc never had birthday parties with friends until they were at school.
We did things like a trip to the zoo, a trip out to a farm, call family over and a cake at home.
You're not a failure. Just do what you can and have a nice day.

2 yr olds are oblivious, if they have a special day they will be thrilled. Nothing else necessary. You aren't a failure, you sound like a regular mum struggling with normal human stuff. As long as your DC is healthy and happy you are doing a great job.

You’re not a failure , I’ve felt the same but I believe in making memories and cost doesn’t always need to come into it.

I have 2 DS, 1 is 7 and other is 11, only my 11 year old had a party and that was for his 10th.

We do things together to make it special, have sleepovers, movie nights etc :)

They don't need parties at that age.. wait till she starts school and makes friends she'll have plenty of parties then

Thank you, I totally understand what you're all saying. I had always thought we'd just do something nice together as a family at this age, but everyone around here seems to be having big birthday parties. We went to one very recently and what made it so hard for me was the realisation of how happy she was. She was absolutely loving every minute of that party. She was running around giggling, playing with balloons, eating cake, playing with other children in the play area, she was having the time of her life! I'd love to throw a party like this and see her so happy. I think somehow she's an emerging socialite, very much opposite to both of her parents!

Oh I totally understand. I'm also not from here and all family and friends are back home. With my older child we had a huge celebration with friends, family and just so much for my baby. I have a 15mo now and our celebration was just us 4 and our dear nanny who joined us for the day. I felt very sad but looking back at the pictures my LO had the biggest smile on all of them. I also said for her 2nd birthday we will do better but it doesn't seem like it. She isn't in nursery and our friends have much older kids. There's not much I can do so we will make sure she has the best day.

You are absolutely not a failure. Neither of mine had a first or second birthday party with other kids, we just had family over. If you're really keen for her to meet some children so that you could invite them to a third birthday party, joining some toddler activity groups is a good idea. Mine were both at nursery two days a week from just after they turned one so we invited kids from there.

She will never remember a party you have thrown. Save your money until she is school age and until then just enjoy other parties you are invited to. All this angst! It is not worth it and when they were a teen you will realise that this isn't important.