Copy cat SIL

[JoJoReds]

How do I deal with my SIL, always wanting to do the same as us?
She came over today and we were talking holidays And said what we had booked. She then starts searching holidays for the same place for the rest of the afternoon, is this odd?! She asked what dates we were going, which I didn't want to give as we do not want them to book the same place and turn up!! Just found it so self centred, she is always like this wanting to copy others.

I really don’t get when people who are not children aged 8 and under get wound up about ‘copying’.

Unless something is completely bespoke and designed for you, it’s not copying, it’s just doing what you did - buying something mass marketed to people who might be interested in it.

OK I completely take that on board. Its fine if they want to do the exact same holiday as us, at the same time. But to sit there searching while visiting someone? Find that a bit odd!

This is not cool. I'd make a point of emphasising that you do NOT want her there at the same time as you. If she wants to go there before/after - fine. However it's overstepping boundaries to go there at the same time as you - if you wanted her there you would have invited her.

Moving forwards you need to be VERY CAREFUL about what you say to her. Vagueness is key. For example if she asks about holidays, answer, "We are thinking about going away at some point, not quite sure exactly where and when yet".

I think it's odd and YANBU. My SiL can be very self centred and has on a couple of occasions completely inserted herself into events I've mentioned and it's felt really awkward and irritating for me to then manage, so my tactic now is just not to tell her any details.

I had a friend who used to do this. She’d go online and buy the same clothes I visited her in while I was standing in her house. It was odd.

But honestly it never bothered me more than I was worried about her shopping habits (totally out of control). It was all about consuming. She’s got much better but it wasn’t about me, it was about her fomo.

Just my mil does this all the bloody time.

I think its because she has no imagination…

Every single time my mil is down and my DH asks
”darling where did we get these wine glasses/tumblers/table cloth/towels?”

I just can’t seem to ever remember. 🤔

And when she wants to know where my perfume and clothes are from 🤯 I am never quite sure and would have to never check.

If she knows we are going to certain things she will just insert or invite herself along so my DH and I have her on an information diet and tell her about things post fact.

Me my mum and my sister are always copying each other. It’s like one of us has checked something is OK and so the others feel more confident to do/get it too.

This. Let her know you don't want an extended family holiday, and be vague about future plans.

If you know she's like this, why tell her so much about your holiday plans? people like her want to benefit from the research others have done. So if you have spent days researching the best kitchen appliances, they will just copy you knowing you've done all the work.

Thanks for the replies. I will be more vague next time, and so glad I didn't tell her our dates. We made it clear we didn't want to go on holiday with her this year as it would be too much, but she couldn't help herself when she found out we got a good deal. She is so self centred