Dd has started saying hurtful things-normal?

[Rememberchipsandcheeseatschool]

Dd will be six in summer. If she doesn’t get what she wants/her own way, she’ll get very upset, cry and has started to say things like ‘I wish you’d go away forever and never come back’ ‘I want another mummy/daddy’ ‘I don’t like you anymore!’ and so on.
I’m guessing (hoping) this is normal age appropriate behaviour?
How should I deal with this?

Entirely normal I would say. I just don't respond or say 'that's nice' or 'oh well, Mummy loves you anyway' and leave it at that.

I’d give no reaction and just walk away.

Don’t apologise and don’t get angry.

when she is calm talk about emotions and that they are fine but lashing out physically or with words to others is not fair and hurts others

Oh that’s a shame because I love you so much, but sometimes we can’t have what we want, let’s have a hug/do something else.

yes, I think it’s fairly normal at this age. Distracting is good!

Absolutely normal. Do not make a huge issue over it as this stage - previous advice is spot on. If it carries on at 7/8 then you need to have a conversation about unpleasant words - but probably not at 5.

If it’s happening to others eg kids at School, then you might need to take a firmer line, but if it’s only directed at you, I wouldn’t make a big issue of it. It’s designed to get a reaction - don’t rise to it.

Yep, just ignore or reply with an ‘oh well, I love you and it’s still bedtime’
She’s doing it to see what you’re going to do.

My daughter is also six in the summer and told me “I hate you, I wish you weren’t my mummy” today. She also gets very upset / emotional when she doesn’t get her way - your daughter sounds exactly like mine! I am also struggling with how to deal with it. I have quite a tough relationship with her compared to my other two children and am desperate for things to not get worse but she really really knows how to push my buttons. She is very strong willed. I did refuse to play with her this evening after she had told me this as I said I had no interest in playing with someone who hates me and this did seem to make her stop a bit and she asked for a cuddle. She argues with me about EVERYTHING though and constantly asks “why, why why” whenever I put my foot down about anything. It’s exhausting! She has been my toughest baby and toughest toddler too, God help me when she hits her teenage years.

Totally normal and best ignored.

What’s the reason for it? To get a reaction, because she can’t control her emotions? It only started recently
Should I not say that it’s not very nice to say hurtful things? Or just leave that

Yes, mine is a bit older likes to say when told he can't have/do something is "this is why you have no friends". They are basically going for the most hurtful thing they can think of (and for a young child having friends is v important). For a 6 year old I want a new mummy is probably the most cutting insult they can think of. But its normal. And I DO have friends.

@Inanufpr1 Yep, similar one here! So hard at times! V independent, wants to do what she wants

Practise for the teenage years starts young op..

Ignore and walk away, she wants a reaction. Do not give in to whatever she wanted!

I think it’s when they’re in year 1 at school, suddenly you’re not the centre of the universe and Janes mum lets her stay up until 11pm and Kayleys mum bought her an iPad so you’re the worst mum in the world etc

What’s the reason for it? To get a reaction, because she can’t control her emotions? It only started recently.

She's still learning to understand and manage her emotions. She's expressing them to you in language she understands.

She needs you to model how to manage them for her so you let her know you understand why she feels how she does, putting the emotions and root cause into words for her, and that you still love her, care about her, want to be around her. This is the way she will learn how to manage these situations herself as she matures.

If you ignore her or overreact, you will make it harder for her to learn the skills she needs.

The thing that helped me through these phases with my (now adult) children, whether toddlers or teens, was the thought that young people lash out at the person or people who are the safest for them. You won't leave them or give up on them. It made it much more positive for me when I silently reframed their behaviour as an affirmation that I was doing a brilliant job as an amazingly safe person.

Also, something else that helped was when friends said that the horrible behaviour in their own children seemed to kick off about 6 weeks before a growth spurt. What my children and I started to do was to measure their height on the door post when the outbursts occurred and make a note of the date. They were curious and there did seem to be a correlation with the growth spurts.

I think it helped my children see that their verbal lashing out (which they actually didn't like very much in themselves) was linked to something physical. Sometimes they even pre-empted it when they felt the anger coming on and would ask for their height to be measured because "I think I'm going to have a grow". It gave them a reason for feeling so negative and they knew it wouldn't last. Helped me too!

My son used to say similar like "You're the worst mummy in the world." or "I don't like you!".id always just stay very calm and say "Oh thars a shame because I really love you". It's just a child expressing their frustration. I wanted him to know he was loved unconditionally when he was upset, even when he was saying unkind things.

Very normal, she’s trying to get a reaction out of you. My immediate response was usually to calmly tell them I was sorry to hear they didn’t like me or wanted a new Mummy or they were leaving home forever, but they still had to go to bed, couldn’t have an ice cream or whatever.

I didn’t just ignore it though, at five they are starting to be old enough to understand that their words impact other people and they are not allowed to be nasty and hurtful. I wouldn’t engage or get into an argument “in the moment”, but we did have to have some conversations once they’d calmed down about it being completely unacceptable to scream they hated me or wanted to live with X’s Mummy instead. If they were rude or nasty to a teacher or a classmate by year one age they’d be pulled up on it, just because I’m their mother and I love them doesn’t mean I will accept being spoken to like dirt. We talked a lot about it being ok to be frustrated, have big feelings and express those appropriately (and what that looked like) but that being deliberately hurtful to someone else was unacceptable.