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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you ask a colleague of the opposite sex

29 replies

Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 21:06

To meet up alone if you had zero interest/attraction? And you're both single?
Different if it's an established friend of years or you're not both single etc.

OP posts:
InAMess2023 · 27/01/2024 21:07

That's how new friendships start? I have loads of friends of the opposite sex who I've met in a variety of ways over the years..

StellaElevator · 27/01/2024 21:10

Why do you keep starting different threads about the same thing? Just ask him if he likes you for goodness sake.

SouthEastCoast · 27/01/2024 21:13

Yes I would. And I would ask if I did have an interest too.

Wictc · 27/01/2024 21:13

Yes definitely. That’s how you make friends surely? I have loads of friends of the opposite sex I’ve met through work. Some I worked with years ago who I still keep in touch with, have been to their weddings, christenings, birthdays etc.

Bluebelz · 27/01/2024 21:16

Nope, despite what people say, a heterosexual man will absolutely not ask a single female work colleague out to grow a platonic friendship. He’s after something from you…he might be attracted to you or want to network, gain some knowledge / insight about work etc.

Wictc · 27/01/2024 21:16

Bluebelz · 27/01/2024 21:16

Nope, despite what people say, a heterosexual man will absolutely not ask a single female work colleague out to grow a platonic friendship. He’s after something from you…he might be attracted to you or want to network, gain some knowledge / insight about work etc.

This has absolutely not been my experience, or the experience of my friends and colleagues.

SunaipāUrufu · 27/01/2024 21:17

i would like to with a couple of people i know, but then its the line of being professional and keeping business separate,

RestingMurderousFace · 27/01/2024 21:18

Bluebelz · 27/01/2024 21:16

Nope, despite what people say, a heterosexual man will absolutely not ask a single female work colleague out to grow a platonic friendship. He’s after something from you…he might be attracted to you or want to network, gain some knowledge / insight about work etc.

Yep.

NuffSaidSam · 27/01/2024 21:19

If we had a joint interest or there was a specific reason. I don't think I'd ask someone to just go for a drink one on one .

KreedKafer · 27/01/2024 21:20

Bluebelz · 27/01/2024 21:16

Nope, despite what people say, a heterosexual man will absolutely not ask a single female work colleague out to grow a platonic friendship. He’s after something from you…he might be attracted to you or want to network, gain some knowledge / insight about work etc.

LOL. This is absolute nonsense.

Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 21:20

Is there a difference between men and women? Do you think men are often likely to ask women to meet alone without it meaning anything at all?

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 27/01/2024 21:22

What kind of answer are you looking for now that you didn't get from the last two threads on the subject, @Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe ?

Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 21:28

I am just asking what people think in general.

OP posts:
MyVIsForVendetta · 27/01/2024 21:30

Im a bit confused by the second part.

But would I meet up with someone of the opposite sex, that was not attracted to, just for the hell of it?

Yes. Absolutely. Have done many times and would still. I don’t want to fuck every member of the opposite sex.

InAMess2023 · 27/01/2024 21:33

How depressing to see that people in 2024 cannot see that men and women can absolutely be 100% just friends without any motive 🙄

saltnvini · 27/01/2024 21:37

Yes if I thought we needed to discuss work outside of work

MyVIsForVendetta · 27/01/2024 21:40

I really hope this isn’t some
controlling prick of a boyfriend trying to make his point with his gf.

Or a gf having to prove her innocence to her controlling prick of a boyfriend.

missmollygreen · 27/01/2024 21:52

InAMess2023 · 27/01/2024 21:33

How depressing to see that people in 2024 cannot see that men and women can absolutely be 100% just friends without any motive 🙄

But that does not fit in the the Mumsnet trope that all men are evil rapists

Madcats · 27/01/2024 22:12

Of course you can meet up. Admittedly I am cantering towards my 60's, and happily married, but I have plenty of male and female friends. Ditto, him indoors. We aren't tied at the hip and happily function as a family at opposite ends of the country.

Maybe it was because I worked in male dominated industries, but I've found it very easy to have platonic friendships.

How can we oldies (or my teen daughter) guide you?

Snuggleyou · 27/01/2024 22:28

Bluebelz · 27/01/2024 21:16

Nope, despite what people say, a heterosexual man will absolutely not ask a single female work colleague out to grow a platonic friendship. He’s after something from you…he might be attracted to you or want to network, gain some knowledge / insight about work etc.

This ☝️

HollaHolla · 27/01/2024 22:30

My best workmate friend is a guy. I’m single and in my 40s. He’s married and in his 30s. We car share a couple of days a week. We chat about family, outside interests, holidays, etc. He’s my pal.

KnowledgeableMomma · 28/01/2024 01:39

Posting again?? Go or don't go. Only you can make up your mind.

MonsteraMama · 28/01/2024 01:44

Bluebelz · 27/01/2024 21:16

Nope, despite what people say, a heterosexual man will absolutely not ask a single female work colleague out to grow a platonic friendship. He’s after something from you…he might be attracted to you or want to network, gain some knowledge / insight about work etc.

Shit better tell my best pal of the last 20 years I'm onto him and his ulterior motive then.

NaughtybutNice77 · 28/01/2024 03:57

I might yes. If I was at work say and said do you fancy taking lunch together I'd think nothing of it. If we were both single and he suggested we go cinema/for a walk/meal/drink outside of work or usual contact I'd think he might fancy me but nt pressure.
If someone I thought was just being friendly tried to take things further eg tried to kiss me say and got angry that I'd turned him down I'd be angry myself. I wouldn't be gaslight and take the blame even if I was at his apartment watching a movie and drinking.
If it was my partner with someone else I might be a bit jealous. I'm mindful of emotional affairs.
Whats happening? Does that cover it?

lljkk · 28/01/2024 05:36

Alone in a hotel room? Alone for a cup of coffee or a drink? Alone for a cycle ride? Give us some context. Is he gay ?

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