I need advice. Married 11 years, had some things happen in that time which has really questioned my husbands faithfulness.
3 months after marrying, he spent time with an ex girlfriend whom he met while on a night out. Lied to me when he got home pissed at 5.30 saying he was at his friends house. I had a really bad feeling so I checked his phone and his friend had messaged and called several times reminding him he's married and to please go home. He got in a cab with her and went to her home. He pleaded and said nothing happened. I took him back wanting my new marriage to work.
Fast forward, mentioned a coworker a lot, made my senses go up for some reason. She worked in neighbouring city, so didn't see each other too much. But, here's the thing. She had a friend living in out town who she'd regularly come to go for drinks with, and each time she would message my husband and send pouty selfies saying come on it'll be fun bla bla. I found these messages when one night they were away at a work function and he went for dinner and drinks with her, despite loads of coworkers being in the same hotel. I flipped to be honest and demanded to see his work phone. They communicated a lot, a lot of flirty undertones from her, not from him, but he didn't shoot it down either. He had a message from her that night at about 11 saying wellllllll???? Said it was to get his room number to sort the dinner bill. I swallowed it hook line and sinker.
Anyway, laid my cards on the table and gave very clear expectations of my boundaries. He agreed and I tried to forget about it. Soon after he bad mouthed her a lot, initially she was the best thing since sliced bread, suddenly not so much. Strange I thought.
Then, all good I thought. But we'd a case of mentioning another coworker. They had same role in different parts of the country, both with the company over 15 years. I'd never heard him talk of her before. So, she gets a new role and they had to launch a pilot project. Of course had to communicate a lot for it, totally understandable. But the mentionitis got me on alert. Both working from home one day and she called, he went to another room to take the call and they just seemed so so comfortable talking to each other. No work talk, all just shooting the shit. It just made me feel uncomfortable. Anyway, they launched the project, had no reason to be communicating for work anymore. Yet it turns out they were speaking almost every day and sometimes up to 3 times a day, convos usually at least 25 minutes at a time. I won't lie I'm not proud, I checked his work phone and that's how I found out. They messaged a lot too, lots of her saying how much she'd miss him when they launched the pilot. I kept an eye on call log for a few weeks, and all of a sudden no calls. So brought her up in roundabout way and pushed for info. He eventually said ah we don't speak all that much anymore, she got pissy one day apparently so he pulled away. Really, wtaf. Sounds to me like it was something of an emotional affair? Then recently he was away for Christmas party, he wasn't drinking as working the next day, so he drove home after (2.5 hour journey). Anyway, when he got home he went straight to loo, his work phone beeped so I had a quick look and it was from her to check he got home ok. Now bare in mind she would have been drinking several hours at that stage, so why the f<ck was she thinking of my husband.
Then, he had to employ an assistant. She wasn't in the business long but he promoted her. Anyway, went to meet him for lunch, and we'll fuck me I almost passed out when I saw her. Early 30s,lips done, botox done, fillers, you name it. Each to their own.... However, he breasts were out, and 8 mean out out, like going clubbing out. I just thought wow, is that whu he employed someone with fuck all experience. I was honest and said I'm not comfortable with someone having their tits out around him all day. My hat off to any woman who says it wouldn't bother her! Anyway, he has since gotten a new position wfh. The thing is, I went to call his sister from his phone today and noticed he has deleted this girls number (same name as his sis). So I quickly checked his work phone, numbers gone and also whatsapp deleted. I don't understand. They need to be in contact with each other for work, so how can he do that without her number. And why the hell would he delete it?? Am I going crazy, please be honest