Is it wrong to travel now that son is 18?

xxsinbadxx · 2024-01-27T18:33:17+00:00

I've been a single parent since 21, put myself through university and took care of us both (which was hard work a lot of time) He's 18 this year and is hopefully going to work as an apprentice. I was to go travelling in 2025 when he is settled... is it wrong to leave him as he doesn't want to go?

Hermittrismegistus · 27/01/2024 18:34

Why would it be wrong?

TheChosenTwo · 27/01/2024 18:35

Wrong in what way?

Bluevelvetsofa · 27/01/2024 18:37

Would he be staying in the house?

WineMakesTheWorldGoAround · 27/01/2024 18:39

Travelling for how long? Where would he be settled? An apprentices wage is very low, would you be expecting him to house, feed and clothe himself or would you still be supporting him financially?
If I was him I would definitely feel like you had waited until it was 'acceptable' to leave him behind (how can he go if he's doing his apprenticeship?) before swanning off to enjoy the rest of your life without him!
My son is 17 and has just started an apprenticeship, I feel like now would be the worst time to leave him alone to figure out adulting without having parental back up.

KreedKafer · 27/01/2024 18:40

He’ll be an adult and he’ll be working. I assume you won’t be giving up your home or anything to travel? So he’ll still be living in the house while you’re away.

If he wasn’t doing his apprenticeship, he’d probably be going away to uni and would be living independently anyway; it’s not a problem for an 18-year-old to be looking after themselves.

Allchangename354 · 27/01/2024 18:40

How long will you be away? Does he have family close by?

If he will be looking after the house does he have diy skills and does he know good electrician/plumber?

K0OLA1D · 27/01/2024 18:41

Go for it op. I moved out at 18!

Sirzy · 27/01/2024 18:41

It depends on how long for and what the plan is.

if you plan on packing up getting rid of the house for and going travelling for a year that would be wrong.

if you plan on going away for a few weeks or so at a time that’s fine.

then the massive range in between depends on the set up

Rosesanddaisies1 · 27/01/2024 18:41

Why would it be wrong? I’d consider how it will work if he stays living in your house, in terms of money, maintenance etc

Dotchange · 27/01/2024 18:41

What will he actually be doing? Completing college, and you leave? Yes, that’s bad timing.
Settled in a job / apprenticeship and standing on his own two feet? Fine.

RaininSummer · 27/01/2024 18:52

I wouldn't want to take my eye off the ball for too long with an 18 year old who has probably had a bunch of new mates ready to party in your house. I would leave in another year.

MariaLuna · 27/01/2024 18:57

before swanning off to enjoy the rest of your life without him!

Dramatic much?!

She wants to travel which she is perfectly entitled to do.

Hardly "swanning off and abandoning her child!".

OP, it will be the making of him.

Don't listen to these women who daren't live their own life.

TreesWelliesKnees · 27/01/2024 18:58

If he's settled and happy and has the ground rules for the house drummed into him then yes, go! How amazing. Have fun and reward yourself for the years of hard work. I'm a single parent too and have about another eight years to go before I'll be able to do this, but I absolutely hope to be able to.

ChedderGorgeous · 27/01/2024 19:00

Of course it's not wrong. It's your time for adventues! Get out there.

Wadermellone · 27/01/2024 19:02

What do you mean by travel? A few holidays a year?

Go with no plan to come back and sell everything including your home?

Go travelling for a year, but still pay for the house. Or travelling for a year and expect him to pay the bills?

Theres all different ways of travelling and you will get different answers depending on what it is.

WineMakesTheWorldGoAround · 27/01/2024 19:15

MariaLuna · 27/01/2024 18:57

before swanning off to enjoy the rest of your life without him!

Dramatic much?!

She wants to travel which she is perfectly entitled to do.

Hardly "swanning off and abandoning her child!".

OP, it will be the making of him.

Don't listen to these women who daren't live their own life.

Bit bold of you to assume I am not living my own life.
I just don't consider raising a child until there 18th birthday and dropping them as soon as possible the best way to do things.
Obviously OP might be talking about a two week holiday, I haven't seen her specify but if it's a longer term thing then no, I wouldn't do it yet.
There is a big difference between a child spreading their wings and going off to uni knowing they still have a base at home with parents to help if necessary and someone who has just started out in life being forced to go it alone because parental support has been withdrawn.
It's my opinion, I wouldn't do it, obviously OP will do what she feels is best for her child and I will do the same for mine.

lostontheunderground89 · 27/01/2024 19:26

@WineMakesTheWorldGoAround

I see what you're saying but the OP did say 'when he's settled' so I think she'd only go if he was in a stable situation first, which is fine.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 27/01/2024 19:33

WineMakesTheWorldGoAround · 27/01/2024 18:39

Travelling for how long? Where would he be settled? An apprentices wage is very low, would you be expecting him to house, feed and clothe himself or would you still be supporting him financially?
If I was him I would definitely feel like you had waited until it was 'acceptable' to leave him behind (how can he go if he's doing his apprenticeship?) before swanning off to enjoy the rest of your life without him!
My son is 17 and has just started an apprenticeship, I feel like now would be the worst time to leave him alone to figure out adulting without having parental back up.

These are excellent questions.

But OP - I am in a not dissimilar situation, but a lot older than you!! I have 1 DC - 18 - doing well at college/apprenticeship. But gosh they seem so much younger than I was at that age at uni. So certainly not independent, despite their age. My situation is that I want to move a couple of 100 miles away. I've been trying to for years. If I leave it too long I won't get work in the new place. And I think it is better for me to be working when I move, rather than retired. My DC are a little upset - I've juggled their needs for 20 years, now I need to come 1st. We're not moving tomorrow. They will be able to complete their 3 year course but beyond that I cannot promise. The problem here for both you and I is that tomorrow there will be another family situation, and the next month another etc etc.

Mine couldnt live on their own on their salary. I wouldn't let my house out to them and friends, because I need the capital for the move. I have a small complication in an ex - the father. The DC can live with their father (they see him now) but would prefer not to. I'm not sure I want that mental burden any more.

Original poster

xxsinbadxx · 27/01/2024 22:31

Sorry, should have specified I'm intending to pay rent etc and keep my house for him to live in, i would be coming home regularly to visit and all my family (his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins live in same town). We are close but he is very independent and trustworthy...

OP posts:

Original poster

xxsinbadxx · 27/01/2024 22:47

Many of the comments seem to imply that I would just cut ties... but I could never do that he is my one and only and I will miss him. But I have put everything to the side so I could be his mum... and now I feel its my turn to live a little 😊 its a mixed topic for sure!

OP posts:

Original poster

xxsinbadxx · 27/01/2024 22:48

Yes I plan to keep a house and pay the rent, and hopefully come home for the weekend each month to see him and other family.

OP posts:

PonyPatter44 · 27/01/2024 22:51

Oh for heavens sake, don't be a .martyr! You've raised the boy to be a solid-sounding young man, he has family around him, this is the time for you to go and do some things for you. Its hard to get used to putting yourself first when you've spent 18+ years putting someone else first, bit please do go for it.