Ex going on paternity leave

[PooHeads]

My ex - who left me and our young DC for another woman two years ago has since had another child with OW - has just announced that he is taking two months paternity leave and therefore won’t be paying any maintenance in those months and won’t be contributing towards our DS nursery fees for that period either. He tells me the CMS say he doesn’t have to. I work ft and he expects me to continue paying full time nursery fees whilst he’s at home.
For info - my ex also has two other kids with another ex. The OW has no other kids. I think this is incredibly selfish of the both of them but not sure if I’m overreacting? Is this ok?
It grates on me that when we had our DC there was no question of him taking paternity leave as he was too busy shagging the OW at work. AIBU to be really pissed off? Or am I overreacting and it’s fine?

If you get a chance, remind the ow that he’s probably on the hunt for her replacement not that she has had a baby with him. That’s if he hasn’t already found her. Wanker!

Ugh he won't be doing this as he's suddenly become father of the year he will have done it for financial reasons so he doesn't have to pay you (and the other children before) He's a knob.

Have you double checked this with CMS? My understanding (as a receiving parent) was that the calculation is based on his salary for the year, and that it is only if it decreases by 25% in the year that they recalculate.

Even if they do recalculate, I thought that the difference is spread throughout the year.

I'd double check with CMS just in case....

But yes what a scummy man 😓

What a prince.

I'd be checking out his claims. He has already proven that he is untrustworthy and a liar.

I would call his bluff and say great I’ll be dropping off the kids to you to save on nursery fees (even if you don’t intend to). Give him a few sleepless nights.

EXACTLY this, thank you for getting it!

Actually I’m going to take a different view, if you were paying maintenance to him, then got pregnant and went on maternity, and didn’t pay for the duration, nobody would be saying you should pay. I think I would try to negotiate a compromise, can he pay something towards nursery fee, even if it’s significantly less. I can see why you are annoyed, and especially given his treatment of you when your little one was a baby. Only comfort I can give, is that if he’s done it before, he will likely cheat again.

My Ex tried to do this whilst going on a sabbatical as an academic. I pointed out that if he elected to reduce his salary he couldnt bypass his obligations as a parent as the fees for childcare don't elect to go down just because he's chosen not to work. He had to take into account his financial obligations when making that decision to reduce his salary. My lawyer backed me up. He paid. Though to be fair his salary hadn't totally disappeared but it had reduced for the period.

Yes exactly - when you have financial
obligations to THREE other young children it’s not as easy as just saying yeah I’ll go on unpaid pat leave for a few months! But it seems it is to him.

i think you should check CMS thing yourself. I don't think he will ever be in a position to not pay while your child is a dependent.

So he has now 5 kids with three different women and he's not really financially supporting the four kids he has with other exes;frankly men like him shouldn't be allowed to procreate further with other women if he can't support the children he already has adequately.

I think you should tell him I can’t afford the childcare without your contribution, but that’s fine. I’ve asked for a ‘holiday’, they’ve paused the placement for two months and I’ll drop dc at yours. I’ll send you notes re their routines.

follow through, draw up some notes. String it out. Make him think you are going to drop dc at 8am Monday through to Friday- his partner has just had a baby, it’s not like they are going to leap out of bed and all three leave the house before 7:30 to avoid you. And if they do, how mad will his new partner whose just had a baby be?? Furious… he might hide it but he will be a little ‘oh shit’. If you can start work late I’d turn up that first morning and drop the kids. If they aren’t there drop them at childcare and send him increasingly angry texts.

This is a pretty spectacular bit of what-if-ery. There’s so much what-if-ing that the supposedly clever roles reverse scenario makes no sense.

If she were a NRP and paying maintenance to her ex, then MN would be telling her that she still has a responsibility to provide for her older children. Indeed, she’d be told that she should be looking after all her kids every day while she’s on maternity leave. Why would she not be doing this?

I'd contact CMS.