Would you trust your stbxh re his settlement offer.

[intotheforests]

No point in talking about the reasons why as it's a no fault state but after my husband had an affair and left us , we stayed in family home .. my kids and I .
They have no relationship with him as he is aggressive , impatient and mean with money towards them.
Four years have passed.
I served papers on him last week.
He owns his own business. He is busy and it is lucrative, generally.
He rents for a sum of £700 pcm.
He pays 40£ maintenance to me weekly and pays mortgage on out jointly owned home where I live with 3 kids.teens .
He has offered me £20k as long as he gets 50% of house equity.
There is 40k left on mortgage.
He wants that paid off once house is sold. Therefore he won't be paying mortgage anymore( half in lieu of maintenance -£350 pcm)
Kids with me
All the time. He does not pay education, medical or dental.
Not in UK so uni fees per year per child, including accom etc are approx £12k.
He refused to contribute.
He promised originally to halve ed/ medical and dental but renaged on that.
He also doesn't pay maintenance on time.
My lawyer thinks I will get 60/40 house as kids aren't with him ever.
Does this sound like a good settlement To you?
It means he will pay £ 500 pcm but no fees or costs for the big outgoings esp uni.
I get £20k, he gets 50% equity after mortgage, fees and taxes are paid off.
As a cheater, liar and tightarse, he has proved himself to be untrustworthy.
Would I be mad to accept this?
Thanks.

Whether this is a good settlement depends on the law where you are.

You've said you are not in the U.K.

You need advice from people who know where you are and what you can force your ex to do.

I suppose I just wanted advice from a mathematical point of view. Where I live, one needs to keep
Returning to
Court if the person doesn't do what is ordered.. at their own expense... and then if ordered , a on amount from income deducted, could be manipulated as he owns his own
Business and often claims poor mouth despite many holidays and relentless dating and socialising .

Any thoughts or opinions, please???

Sounds like he’s gets away with a lot. I wouldn’t accept it.

So no pension proposal?

He doesn't have pension . I do.. He won't touch it if I agree to this.
If he does not pay agreed maintenance as he has form for, I will need not have £6k per year for many years to help support our kids. Not to mention education,
Medical and dental. All fee based here.

I would see a solicitor before I acccepted any offer

Discuss it with your solicitor.

My solicitor is known as 'The Alsatian' sShe goes for the jugular and often wins. I do not want to destroy him financially but want us both to have our own homes and own lives . I cannot tolerate any more stress as it made me quite sick. I guess I just want objectivity in wondering if this is a ridiculous offer or relatively fair in your eyes ?
He is not to be trusted though... in any area of life, for context .
Great replies so far and thanks.

It’s too difficult for us to answer as in the UK a DC is treated as an adult at 18, maintenance stops and there isn’t any legal requirement for the non resident parent to contribute towards uni.

Aren't you entitled to 50% of his business and pension? (& he your pension etc)

Sounds low but don't know enough about it.

I know a lot of women who accepted lower financial divorce settlements than their solicitors advised - in the interest of trying to keep the peace and be the bigger person for the sake of the kids, and also because they just wanted to draw a line under the divorce and move on.

They all regret it. An ex who is untrustworthy will never make a fair offer. You are just used to trying to believe the best of him.
If a man in the street walked up to you and said - I’m going to cheat you out of a load of money, will you let me? Would you?
Let the Alsatian do her job and get you the best deal. I know it’s tough, but keep going.

Listen to your solicitor.

OP why don’t you make him an offer of what you’d be happy with. 30k now and he gets 30% of the equity or something like that. Why does he get to make the offer?

As you don't say where you live noone can even make a mathematical judgement based on what you have said as the law will affect the maths. Also if the kids are older than 17 you wouldn't get maintenance in the UK unless it was agreed and even then not enforceable after a year.

What does the Alsation say?

what are you paying your solicitor for if you have to seek advice here?
Particularly when it sounds as if you're not in the UK (comment re medical & dental costs), but don't say where you are.

I think what OP is saying:
OP gets
4 years of living rent free (mortgage he paid)
to keep her pension
50% of property value
£20k

OP has been paying for ... all medical & dental for the kids for at least 4 years (how much did that cost?) What about other kid costs in last 4 years? Who spent how much for kid shoes, clothes or transport or to go on holidays, hobbies, gifts?

stbX already paid
£700 4 12 = £33,600 in rent for last 4 years that OP did not contribute to
160 4 12 = additional maintenance for the kids, what did that cover, really, £7700

stbX gets
50% of property value
100% of business, value of which we don't know

We also don't really know what the business was worth 4 years ago, when they separated. That's the business value that should apply imho. And who has paid household maintenance in last 4 years, property tax, etc.

The kids are only teens, so NOT at Uni and I guess OP is saying there are absolutely no loans or any other way for kids to go to Uni if he doesn't pay. Presuming any of them want to go to Uni and he wouldn't support them to train to be plumbers or whatever, instead. Still, they will be adults then and it should be up to them as adults to negotiate with their dad for his support for their Uni costs.

Seems to me like could be a good deal for OP but real question is how will the kids be supported. What does the law in OP's country say about how much he should support the kids, and just how old are they? Why not agree to that whole deal on condition he has the kids at least 50% of the time, and there is a joint fund you both contribute to for the kids ?

Is how we are managing for our kids, we have a shared costs spreadsheet.

My view is this is not just about letting yourself get screwed over... It's letting your kids get screwed...
They can't go on that school trip... They can't back back in Europe with their mates. You can't take them on that lovely day trip....etc etc

You owe it to them to get a fair and proportional offer (that does not mean 50/50split)

Take it to your alsatian solicitor and get what is rightly fully yours.
Do not accept less.

In Spain, support for DCs until 24 if in f/t education or until ecomically independent. Same in many European countries.

Going through the same myself.
Are you in Spain OP? If so I can give advice. I dont think you are though. You really should say what country. Posters can help.

And no, your husband is definitely pulling a fast one IMO. Is he from this country you are in?

The starting point should be 50/50

Seek legal advice

You need to think long term

I'm in Ireland