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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child and school residential

24 replies

Cowshedand · 27/01/2024 11:01

My child's school is planning a residential for 2 night next academic year. He is 10 years old and is adamant that he does not want to go. He is fine staying over the night at friends or family but is not keen on 2 nights residential. All his friends are going and I there is lots of activities to do when there.

We only have one more week to secure the place and it all has to be paid a few months in advance. I don't know what to do. I don't want him to feel that he is missing out nor do I want him to go if he will be unhappy.

Wwyd?
Just accept he doesn't want to go?
Or
Try to encourage him/talk him round to going so he doesn't miss out?

OP posts:

BackPainMisery · 27/01/2024 11:03

Accept he doesn’t want to go.

Pascha · 27/01/2024 11:04

I'd book the space anyway and accept he might not use it. That way you're not shutting down the choice

waterrat · 27/01/2024 11:05

My child is autistic and i wasnt sure they would go. I booked anyway and worked it out nearer the time. If you can afford it that is what i would do.

I definitely wouldnt make him do it but ideally children can have flexibility.

Btw. We ended up dropping my daughter for the day part and collecting but our school was v flexible

Comedycook · 27/01/2024 11:05

The thing I'd be worried about is that as the trip comes around all his friends will be talking about it and getting excited and he will be upset he's not going.

I'd be inclined to push him towards going

CurlewKate · 27/01/2024 11:07

It really depends on how much it will cost and whether you can afford to lose it if he doesn't want to go. And whether you can accept losing the money without giving him a hard time about it.

It the money isn't an issue then I would stop talking about it, pay the deposit and cross my fingers.

PicaK · 27/01/2024 11:08

Have you actually talked to school and asked their advice/to have a word with him.

Celticliving · 27/01/2024 11:08

Tell him you've booked it but that it's not happening for a while.

Take him shopping with one of his close friends that is going and let them both pick out a soft toy/something to take?

Explain that it's important to go but that the teachers will call you if they need to.

WandaWonder · 27/01/2024 11:10

Pascha · 27/01/2024 11:04

I'd book the space anyway and accept he might not use it. That way you're not shutting down the choice

If it is limited spaces I would not do this as not fair on others if not then fine

Iwasafool · 27/01/2024 11:10

He's not a baby and he is making his feelings clear so I'd respect that. I've got 4 kids they've all done residentials at various times but one did fewer than the others, his choice, he never moaned when the trips came round and his friends were away and I wouldn't have given him much sympathy if he did. The choice has a consequence and I think booking the place in case he changes his mind is sending a very bad message.

Smartiepants79 · 27/01/2024 11:11

Have you asked him if he understands that he’s the only one not going. That all his friends are going and that they will all be talking about for weeks. That they will be going through bonding experiences that he will not be part of. How many of his peers will be staying behind? Is basically the whole year group going? If so, I would be working hard to persuade him. In my opinion these kind of experiences are life enhancing for children and should be taken of at all possible. I take kids his age on residentials myself and I can confidently say that even with the most anxious child we have never sent one home who has not had a great time. It
is often these children who get the most out of it. They surprise themselves with what they are capable of and grow in confidence.

PuttingDownRoots · 27/01/2024 11:12

You know him better than us. Will he change his mind when he hears all his friends talking about it, during the prep in class, then having to be with the younger class when his class is away?

Or will he stay adamant

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 27/01/2024 11:17

Is it far away? Could you pick him up in the afternoon of the second day so only one overnight? Ive had friend's pick up early or stay nearby for the duration of the trip so the child could stay with them if needed, they did have children with SEN, but if this might work for you I'd still be asking the school if this was something you can do. If you can afford to Id book and see how he feels closer to the time. My DD changed her mind and wanted to go so I was glad I could do this and give her that opportunity.

MigGirl · 27/01/2024 11:17

Has he been on anything like this before, these residential are not the same as a night at a friend's house. They do so many activities, I wouldn't push him to go as it is his choice. But if you could aford the deposit then book it as he may well chage his mind nearer the time. Schools tend to egg these things up to so the kids get excited.

Puddingpieplum · 27/01/2024 11:17

Is he a late bloomer, is he due a spurt in his maturity? If so I'd book it. If he's always been keener to be closer to home and that's just how he is then I'd not book, but I'd not be accepting any whining if he changes his mind closer to the time.

parietal · 27/01/2024 11:21

If you can afford it, book anyway and then let him decide nearer the time. But I'd strongly encourage him to go.

For my kids, I implied there was no choice. So I'd say "you are going on a trip won't it be fun" rather than "do you want to do the trip, will you like it"

Celticliving · 27/01/2024 11:44

Further to my comments above, I am very strongly in the 'residentials and trips are part of school and as such are non-negotiable' (UNLESS STATED OTHERWISE BY THE SCHOOL) camp.

It's a part of learning and part of growing and it's important.

We can do our best to make it easier for our kids but essentially, it's something that they have to do.

Sonora25 · 27/01/2024 11:49

@Celticliving nonsense. My 8 year old doesn’t want to go, so her being scared, unable to sleep and crying there would be a key part of school and learning??
It’s not essentially something they have to do. Why? Are they in the military?

OP he won’t be the only one not going. Just ask him again if he is sure and don’t force him to go or sign him up against his will. He will have plenty ot opportunities in his life to sleep away from home.

Sonora25 · 27/01/2024 11:50

And none of these trips are compulsory by the school, our trip is £250 many parents can’t afford it!!

Celticliving · 27/01/2024 11:51

Sonora25 · 27/01/2024 11:50

And none of these trips are compulsory by the school, our trip is £250 many parents can’t afford it!!

I mean, you clearly didn't read my post in full, did you?

PonyPatter44 · 27/01/2024 11:52

Celticliving · 27/01/2024 11:44

Further to my comments above, I am very strongly in the 'residentials and trips are part of school and as such are non-negotiable' (UNLESS STATED OTHERWISE BY THE SCHOOL) camp.

It's a part of learning and part of growing and it's important.

We can do our best to make it easier for our kids but essentially, it's something that they have to do.

Completely agree with you. I think it helps to develop resilience and independence in children.

Comedycook · 27/01/2024 11:53

Celticliving · 27/01/2024 11:44

Further to my comments above, I am very strongly in the 'residentials and trips are part of school and as such are non-negotiable' (UNLESS STATED OTHERWISE BY THE SCHOOL) camp.

It's a part of learning and part of growing and it's important.

We can do our best to make it easier for our kids but essentially, it's something that they have to do.

I actually am inclined to agree.

I think allowing them to make their own decisions on things like this can mean that they don't push themselves out of their comfort zone. Most kids won't have been away from home for more than a night or the odd sleepover. Lots feel a bit nervous but usually end up having a blast.

Celticliving · 27/01/2024 11:56

Comedycook · 27/01/2024 11:53

I actually am inclined to agree.

Show quote history

Absolutely.

The situation is, this 11 year old is happy to stay and friends and families' houses overnight; so it's not a separation issue (or certainly doesn't seem to be).

"I don't want to go" isn't a good enough reason, imo.

Fetchthevet · 03/02/2024 08:00

Did you make a decision @Cowshedand? I paid for my DD's residential, even though she said she didn't want to go. It's on Wednesday and she's crying and begging me not to send her 😢 Yesterday we spoke to her class teacher, and she came home feeling really positive about it. Got up this morning - tears again. I don't know what to do. She went on the residential last year (reluctantly) and didn't really enjoy it tbh. She said everything was dirty, the food was disgusting, she didn't enjoy the activities, she couldn't sleep etc. I feel like a horrible person for insisting she goes on this one.

Sonora25 · 03/02/2024 08:05

@Fetchthevet I read the reviews of the residential place that the school chose for my DD’s class. Most reviews said the same: dirty accommodation, cold, not enough and disgusting food. My friend’s child was sick after the trip, she told her DP that the water stunk. Her DM thought it was exaggerated until she smelled the water in the water bottle. It definitely wasn’t clean.

last year someone was arrested at this residential place for inappropriately touching the children (a worker). This was reported in the local press and found it within 1 min of googling. So I definitely don’t trust their safeguarding either.

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