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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Advice about daughter’s friend

10 replies

Purplegrapejuicefan · 27/01/2024 10:39

I have a friend who has severe health anxiety. She is forever consulting gp’s and alternative health practitioners about imperceptible and entirely normal issues like an aching finger or a frog in the throat or a runny nose. Many of the alternative practitioners have eventually said to her they can’t help her anymore as she keeps going back to them wanting more and more treatment for issues that simply aren’t there. She is physically healthy but constantly looking for a ‘cure’ to what she perceives as constant illness or issues. She has been through a lot in recent years (partner passed away) and I wonder if this is linked as she’s projecting her worries and insecurities onto imaginary health issues.

She has a young daughter and seems to project it onto her too. There is nothing wrong with this child, she’s healthy and simply gets the odd cough or cold that all kids get. But her mum is convinced there’s a lot wrong with her all the time and is always taking her to gp’s and alternative practitioners too. She’s been told she can’t play with certain toys because she has a dust allergy, she’s stopped from joining playdates or sleepover parties or picked up early as she’s not ‘well enough’ or might get sick or needs rest. She’s not given any vaccines in case it makes her sick. The message that’s constantly being given to the child is that there’s something wrong with her and that she’s different to other kids and that her life has to be curtailed until they find out the magic cure to the mystery ‘illnesses’ and ‘allergic reactions’ she has (in reality doesn’t have) to things. She’s a lovely, healthy girl but is now believing this herself so rather than protesting that she wants to join her friends she’s agreeing with her mum that it’s better for her not to.

It’s so difficult, she’s a great mum in all other respects but she’s constantly thinking the world is out to attack the health of her and her child. I worry about the effect on her daughter but if I or other friends try to gently allude to it she becomes very defensive and tells us we don’t understand. I don’t feel I can talk to an outside agency like school or social services as I can’t see what they can do and I also fear this will only exacerbate her over protection of herself and her daughter.

Any advice or experiences?

OP posts:
NeedToChangeName · 27/01/2024 10:42

I'm not sure you can do much

Stick around, be a good friend, sympathetic but don't pander to it?

EmilyTjP · 27/01/2024 11:02

I think you do need to step in and do something as it will end up ruining her child’s life.

Riverlee · 27/01/2024 11:06

Used to be called Munchasen by Proxy.

Can you speak to her GP.? They won’t be able to talk to you about her medical history, but you can flag your concerns and they can investigate.

Toomuchgoingon79 · 27/01/2024 11:10

This definitely. Please do speak to someone before it gets more serious.

Sanguinello · 27/01/2024 11:14

I would tell the school your concerns. It's ironic that she worries about illness but avoids vaccines. I've heard measles is going around.

LakeTiticaca · 27/01/2024 11:20

Poor child. If she hasn't been vaccinated she could potentially become dangerously ill. I think it's psychiatric treatment your friend needs

Happyinarcon · 27/01/2024 12:45

Sounds like the mum has some major anxiety, maybe some Chinese supplements or prescribed medication tackling the anxiety specifically would help

Bkjahshue · 27/01/2024 12:49

Report your concerns to school and social services; get it on their radar so if she has more and more time off school they will query it and will possibly look at health records and pick up on it.
I’ve had a child in my life who had a parent like this and they ended up missing a lot of school, barely ever went out as a child so missed a lot and as an adult have got severe health anxiety.
Your friend needs help for her mental health

RandomButtons · 27/01/2024 12:50

Sounds like Munchasen by Proxy. (It’s been renamed).

Id suggest you start by talking to the school before it escalates.

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