I know it is 100% wrong to look at another person's emails. But he never speaks to me about anything. There are certain problems he has that he has never ever told me about and I exist thinking something is normal when in actual fact it is not. In fact he tells me there is no problem with it qualified by that is how it always has been. I can give two specific scenarios.
- My husband, I have learnt through his emails, has had erectile dysfunction his entire life. Our entire marriage I thought he wasn't interested in sex, or I pick the wrong time and he's too tired at night, or I'm not sexy enough even in lingerie, or I smell, or that it's an activity that means we need to set aside a whole day. These are all reasons he has given. I now know he has sought counselling and been prescribed Cialis for his erections. You might think I have been incredibly naive but he never wanted sex before marriage on religious grounds.
-My MIL has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia but again when I asked if everything was OK he got very defensive and said I was insulting his mum. I only learned that this was the case when I saw his email to a doctor. We don't see her too often, maybe 3 or 4 times a year but if you assume someone is completely mentally healthy then to me, she comes across as a little eccentric or over the years I wondered if maybe she had an undiagnosed condition that my husband was pretending didn't exist.
I am very seriously considering divorce. Not for the above reasons but because life with him is just too hard with such a closed book. I feel I am much better as a person when I have the context of things. Maybe I am a bit neuro diverse myself, it is something I want to get looked at.
And as for the email snooping, now we've been married nearly 4 years it isn't something I do now but it is something I did to learn who he actually is. I do feel like most people will say IABU and I appreciate why.