Be annoyed at MIL

[mkwar]

Hi everyone,

So I have a 3 week old baby and my MIL keeps calling herself mummy to my son saying things like 'oh mummy knows, or mummy loves you, mummy doesn't mind' by 'accident' call me mean but I know it's not an accident and before anyone asks she is definitely referring to herself aibu to be pissed off about it she does it every time, I also breastfeed and each time my son is hungry she never gives him back the other day she held him to her face to get him to suck on her nose which is rank and I don't let people kiss my baby let alone suck on their nose, I piped up about the nose thing but she attempted again the other day, she's just a little over bearing and too much she also speaks to me like a child sometimes like I don't know what I am doing as it's my first child, partner doesn't even notice any of this unless I point it out x

She seems to be about a lot. Is she staying with you/ you with her?

Also, if you want to hold your baby - take your baby back. Don't seethe. Just take your baby.

If she is doing it on purpose (calling herself mummy) politely correct her each time/ get your partner to do so.

Calling herself mummy to baby…. Oh silly granny, she has done it again… what is silly granny doing? She is way to old to be mummy… of course silly granny knows she is not mummy…. Oh, why does silly granny do this? …. Oh, I think silly granny might need a break from us until she learns she is not mummy….. in a sing song voice… she’ll soon stop the accident.
she tries anything with your baby - take baby back… mil- if you keep forgetting our rules you simply cannot hold baby.
oh, you are hungry, and silly grandma won’t give you back… we will need to have daddy to have a word with her…

basically, either have a conversation with her, or get DH to talk to her, or be passive aggressive, but you might end up with anxiety if you don’t address this.

I would do this. Nip it in the bud now before your son gets older and she gets even more batshit.

You’re the parent now, not her. Be assertive.

I'm guessing you are living in a multi generation household?

Getting the baby to suck on her nose when he's hungry isn't just rank, it's cruel. The baby is hungry and hoping for milk when he sucks. Not MIL snot.

Step up and be firm for the sake of your baby.

Do not stand for this. You don't have to barge in all guns blazing but do not stand for this.

Make it very very clear to your DH that this is NOT acceptable and he needs to be firmly in your corner and not hers. I'd get this established before anything else.

It's going to be like training a toddler. You need to be taking your child back every time she does this. Take your child back off her, or pick your child up from the floor and walk into another room if necessary. As prev posters have said you can do the "Silly Granny is getting confused. Now let's go and make a cup of tea" to make your point and explain leaving the room. You could even leave the house and go for a walk if you don't feel comfortable asking her to leave your house. It progresses in severity, so if you're at her house you even leave if needed. You do this EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Try and be brave enough to actually tell her she's being unacceptable, rather than just being passive aggressive, but I understand this will be difficult. You might need to get DH to speak to her, either with alone or with both of you sitting her down.

This might seem like overkill, but we've had a similar situation in our family, and it's nipping it in the bud before it progresses to what we've had to deal with. If you give people like this an inch they'll eventually take a mile. (Brother's MIL has started telling her friends that my lovely little niece (her GrandDaughter) has made safeguarding allegations against my lovely brother, and also telling Niece totally made up things about her Daddy, and telling her Daughter (Niece's Mum) that he's dealing drugs, he's having an affair - this is purely to get him out of the picture so she can move in with her Daughter and Granddaughter)

Don't let her belittle you in her relationship with your Son. If she doesn't respect that then she doesn't get to have a relationship with him.

Why don’t you use your words rather than ‘seething’. Tell her rather than tapping into your phone to a load of random strangers!

tell your husband and make him deal with his mother.

The nose thing is absolutely disgusting and as someone else said, cruel. The poor baby is hungry, he needs his mum not
granny’s nose.

I had similar with my exMIL. Only she’d talk to me in a mean way through my baby. So for example “you don’t want rotten old mummy do you? You want to stay with grandma forever and ever!” So I did it right back. It worked. She also used to tell me when she took my first baby out people thought she was her mother because “we are just so bonded”. And “babies make you young”. Bollocks. She was over 60 at the time and looked every single second of it 🤣

Correct her everytime she says something ‘accidentally’. I would even suggest she speaks to her doctor if she keeps forgetting things, asking if anyone else in the family suffers from dementia.

Also, when your baby is hungry, take them back. If at her house, leave. You have the power here, you’re the key to her access to her gc.

And let dh know that this is unacceptable, he needs to be on the same page. This is her fault, you’re only taking the baby off her when she behaves badly, if she didn’t act that way, you wouldn’t need to react.

“Husband, your mother is getting confused again. She wants her baby to suck her nose. Can you come and do that for her while I feed our child.”

While she's around, I'd stage whisper to DH: 'Is your mother okay? I'm worried she's got dementia or something as she keeps telling the baby she's his mummy?'