I am Gluten Free and I was asked to pay for party catering

[GFGandT]

I got invited to my distant cousin’s 40th birthday. I was sent an invite in the post about 3 months ago and I sent the RSVP. She didn’t contact me about the party at all. The party was last Saturday night. Backstory I have Coeliac Disease and I have for over 10 years. So I only eat gluten free food. Now there was no mention on the invite to ask for dietary requirements.

Unless I know people very well I never ask people to cater for me. I’m more than used to eating before and not being catered for. I to be honest more than happy as I know I won’t be ill.

Anyway unfortunately I had some sort of bug or virus and I felt very unwell at work and left my usual time and once I got home I was unable to go to the party. I messaged her on facebook saying I am so sorry I am unwell and don’t want to pass whatever I have on but have a great party and I will get you a gift to you when I am better and the message was read.

Fast forward to now and she has messaged saying she catered for me and because I didn’t attend I need to pay for her catering for my gluten free party food.

Now I never expect GF food ever, even when friends and family know I am coeliac. But I didn’t even know this relative know I was coeliac anyway. There was no contact other that I accepted her invitation. I know from other family members that there were several other coeliacs at the party and was loads of food. I don’t know if anything was left and wasted and I’m sorry if there was but there was no conservation that I am coeliac and she was paying extra to cater for me. That unfortunately I became ill and did not want to spread norovirus or something similar to a party full of people.

If I had spoke about my catering then because I didn’t go to the party then I understand I would obviously pay. But I feel like they are taking the piss to be honest.

It's a shame you both didn't communicate better, her to say she was going to cater for you, and you to say she didn't need to as you'd sort your own food. Wherever it would have ended up, if you then didn't turn up, she wouldn't have felt so aggrieved.

I do have a little sympathy with her after I spent (a fair amount) catering for a child a peanut allergy invited to my child's birthday party, who then cancelled at the last minute. I had to buy a whole loaf for two slices, a whole spread just to use a teaspoon of it etc. Lesson learnt: the next time I said to the parent they'd need to bring their own food, which when we spoke they were happy to do as they normally did so, but again didn't turn up. This time ,I wasn't bothered at all and the friendship has survived.

It is cheeky of her to send a bill though!

If you genuinely like her, I would be the bigger person: apologise, explain that it was thoughtful of her to cater for you and unexpected as most people wouldn't bother, so you didn't anticipate her doing so and didn't realise she incurred the extra expense. Pay the bill, and next time communicate better.

If you don't really like her, cut her off, never speak again etc etc.

She probably doesn’t believe you were ill or doesn’t believe you really need to be gluten free. This doesn’t make her reasonable but would explain why she is behaving so badly.

Do not pay!
Would she expect other people who didn’t come to pay their ‘per head’ for the normal buffet? No she wouldn’t!
You didn’t ask for special food, nor did you know they’d be putting any on.
Shes a cheeky CF.

Have you got a present for her?

Non gf people can eat that food so shes being a bit silly. But I understand her frustration as shes gone to. Effort to ensure you have a nice time

Being the bigger person here its only the price of a drink in an expensive place and you would have had a few so give her the money. You saved money by not attending and it saves the drama

It's a strange one. She didn't mention gluten free food provision and you didn't mention your plans not to eat. Tell her this and send her a check for half the amount as a gesture of goodwill and move on. Lesson to learn.

I would just go back and say no, you know there were others there than where also gf and they likely act that food