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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To still think about XH constantly?

4 replies

Frequency · 27/01/2024 01:08

IDK why I am thinking so much about him atm but I just can't get him out of my head. It's getting worse, not better.

I'm rewatching a series we used to watch together and the theme song makes me cry every time but I can't stop. I'm now at a point in the series where we had separated and I didn't watch it with him. I want to call him after every episode to ask what he thought about it.

My job might be being made redundant soon. I need to speak to him about it. He would at the very least allow me to vent/rant and let me clear my own thoughts.

I don't get subnetting and I need to get subnetting and he wouldn't get it either but he would let me talk at him until I got it.

DD has a new boyfriend and I'm not sure how I feel about him. He would let me call him names and agree with me whether he actually agreed or not.

My dog is a tit. He would have helped.

I even miss the stupid arguments we had. It was soooo ridiculously easy to start an argument with him. If I was bored I would text him a simple text and he would bite - que 12 hour long argument in which I could claim the moral high ground.

It has almost been three years since he passed away and even though we were separated for almost 10 years prior he was my best friend. In my head we were always going to get back together once the kids left home. I think that's why I never started a new relationship. I didn't need to, I still had him.

But now I don't. And I need him. And I have no right to need him or to still love him or miss him because we weren't together. I was the bitch who broke his heart.

And I will never stop hating myself for that.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 27/01/2024 02:56

You are still grieving and I'd suggest some counselling. It has helped me through some tough times.

Sparklfairy · 27/01/2024 03:03

This helped me get my head around subletting if it helps...

Re your husband, I'm not being funny but it's obviously still too painful for you to watch. It took me 5 years to rewatch some stuff after one ex... why are you torturing yourself? MNers will find you so amazing new stuff

Frequency · 27/01/2024 03:28

@Sparklfairy thank you. I have watched a million Udemy/Coursera videos in subnetting but never thought to go back to YouTube.

I am still grieving. I don't think I will ever stop grieving but I don't feel like I have the right to grieve because I left him.

I let him back into my life and my house, he spent Christmas here every Christmas. Every birthday the kid's had, my sister's wedding, my nieces and nephew's christenings...

We had a terrier together who H would joke was "on his last holiday" for the last 10 holidays, I can't remember how many times H was called to his deathbed and came.

But when I regale these memories to his friends or family I am met with blank stares. And I know it shouldn't matter. I know my life with H was my life with H, regardless of anyone else, and I loved him. And I hope to God he knew I loved him but it does me make question things, iyswim?

SIL goes out of her way to connect with our kids, and I love her for that, but I'm just the kid's mum. Not her SIL, not her brother's partner and I want more.

Does that make sense?

I'm being selfish.

OP posts:
Luckycloverz · 27/01/2024 04:04

I'm not sure how old your children are but share your funny memories of him with them, write them down so they can read them in the future, they will cherish them.
Perhaps connect with his family to try adding to stories they remember about him to pass onto your children you may be able to become closer with his family that way.

I hope you find some peace 💐

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