To think he should've updated me?

[maybeweird]

Been dating a guy for about 2 months We had a long weekend away together last week.

I'm up north now for a family wedding but we've been calling/keeping in touch via text.

He plays a sport and had a huge match yesterday (Thursday) evening. His team are trying to make it to the Olympics eventually so he plays very seriously.

We always keep in touch loads and he's been talking about that upcoming match non-stop over the last week or so.

Wished him luck before the match and he replied. Told him to let me know how it goes. Haven't heard from him since! He didn't even read my last message. I know they drew because he made an IG post about it. He'd have been disappointed with that result.

Am I being horribly self-involved that I'm annoyed he didn't contact me directly to tell me this and didn't even open the message I sent before the game.

I get it's important to him and maybe he's been absorbed in it and getting back to training but it feels really crappy, especially after our nice weekend away last weekend!

I don’t really understand sport or competitiveness myself but even I can see that he’s 100% focussed on this event, getting in the headspace before and now licking his wounds. That’s the reality of athletes at that level, if you can’t cope with that then walk away. It’s not going to change because that’s the mentality which has led him to perform at that level.

His not reading your message would piss me off. Je could just react to it with a sad face. I'm not "needy" but if somebody habitually texts you then stops, they're not thinking about you.

He could even be thinking "having a girlfriend is distracting me" who knows.
Yanbu to notice this change in pattern of communication.

This! Exactly!

Being in a relationship with a competitive and highly driven person often comes with intense emotions, ups and downs and total preoccupation in something else. It probably isn’t about you at the moment but also you have to consider wether you want to be with someone like that. Alternatively, he has just gone off you or his battery has died.

Look. Making the Olympics is a big deal. Bigger than non-athletes can ever imagine, it's probably his lifetime dream.

As a former WAG (cringe), I can tell you that before the event they want total mental focus and switch all distractions/ people off - so no phones. That's not everyone, some like hearing from friends and family, but as an elite athlete, many just want to be in their own headspace, or might even have rules in place where they're not allowed phones.

If the result was bad, it's a huge blow, and he may just want to be in his cave nursing his wounds, and not talk to anyone at all. Ego bruised, and embarrased to be talking to you because the result didn't go his way and he feels like a 'loser'. 'Failure' hits elite performers hard. It can easily be a week before they feel ready to come out of their cave. They may let you into the cave as the relationship progresses.

I'm currently dating a man that's an elite performer in another field and I've noticed that when he's relaxed, he's all over me, and when he has an important apperance coming up, he focuses solely on that and switches me off, apart from maybe the odd good morning or good night text. It worried me a little when it first happened, but some people just have that need for singular focus when they are doing something high pressure and important.

Just think about what you're going to say when he comes back online, because he will be hugely vulnerable at that point. But... I would expect an unprompted 'sorry I've not been in touch' from him also.

The sudden change in contact is a bit shit for you. I think it shows that you’re not very important to him, despite the things you have been doing together. It’s a shame. If he was really into you, he’d have thought that he wanted to tell you/commiserate with you etc.

It sounds like you put up with a lot from these ‘elite’ men and are very understanding. I’m not sure I could be arsed with that.

If you’re in regular contact then you’re not unreasonable to notice the change. And for me that would mean one of two things:

Either he’s lost interest in which case I wouldn’t spend time chasing.

Or he’s one of those types who decides to drop off the planet when the world doesn’t go his way, in which case I would walk away now.

Either way I’d assume this relationship to be over.

Totally understandable that someone might be a bit put out after a loss, disappointed even, but dropping out of all communication until his poor ego has gotten over it? Fuck that. And quite why anyone would put up with that is beyond me.

Fine while you’re the only person and don’t seem to think that you deserve better, but what about if you have kids? Should they grow up accepting that daddy isn’t talking to them because he’s upset about losing some match or other? Thanks but no thanks.

Either way OP you’ve only known this man a few weeks and I wouldn’t over analyse it - I’d walk away now.

Is it possible he's gone out after the match and not charged his phone?

I don’t think YABU at all. It’s only natural to feel a bit weird when normal contact stops, notwithstanding a disappointing result. Especially after a nice weekend away.

I couldn’t be arsed with it, and I’d maybe think whether this is something you can live with.

I don’t like to read messages before I’m about to do something quite important- sounds stupid but it just makes me even more nervous. He will be disappointed with the result and most likely moping.
If I were you I’d have messaged him and asked how he’s doing and now say you’ve seen the result.

It sounds like your relationship was going well and yku
communicated a lot. This could just be a blip or it could be him thinking about putting his sport first. No one knows sadly, either you message him and see if he replies or you wait it out and see what happens.

Sometimes I see whatsapps as they come in if I'm holding my phone in my hand! Or if you're at the end of the conversation with somebody and you've exited out of whatsapp but you see their last message "live", I still mark it read! or react to it so it's not like ...... I'm leaving you hanging.

Leaving it unread in this dating situation is like committing 'I don't know what to say to you'

It’s hard work 100%. Thats why for a good while I didn’t bother and wanted to be with someone more normal and enjoyed it.

But I’m similar, very career focused, and understand that sometimes work comes first, and not replying to a text or having a ‘relationship’ conversation because you need to focus for a couple of days is ok. Both people just need to be on the same page and understand where this behaviour is coming from.

Also agree with this. Massive life event for him, if you care, show an interest