Seeing too many infant deaths recently. Scared!!

[Expectingfirstbaby23]

everytime I open an app wether it be Facebook, Tiktok or Instagram, there’s always someone posting that their child died . All below one or just over one year old.
most people who post about it don’t disclose what happened , which ofcourse is their right to not share . But it’s when they get rude and say you’re the worst person ever for asking what happened ! I think if they post it all over social media you will get people asking what happened , it’s social media ! Now I’m not the one to comment what happened but il read comments in hope the cause of death is explained , which I think would be reassuring to parents if it’s a cause that can be avoided , why not share so other mums/dads can look for the symptoms etc . I’m currently looking at my precious 3 month old dd can’t even imagine being without her , so so scared of Sid’s or something happening , what is going on??

Honestly , all my feed is mum life etc , which I enjoy watching , but then the odd infant death pops up ! So I think I need to change my feed completely..

Sounds like you’re doing brill! Don’t worry too much about the feeding bit / that’s more relevant to mums who choose to co-sleep, some evidence that breast feeding is a protective factor. I really empathise with ocd / health anxiety and it’s hard when sleep deprived as that can make it trickier to manage. But you’re doing everything you can, you can’t do more than that xx

People back in the day didn't have social media to share on.

If someone you had never met before had sadly lost a child, you would be completely unaware of it.

It has it's benefits, but social media is also a huge curse on us all.

Rest assured you sound like you understand safe sleep which is a huge plus. You’re doing the right things. If you feel your anxiety is getting bad you could try St John’s Wort whilst waiting for therapy - my anxiety was through the roof with my first and it helped me so much that I actually cancelled my therapy waiting list altogether

There’s multiple reasons for it:

1 - that’s how the algorithm works. The more you engage with it, the more you see.
2 - there are people who sadly create content for likes and engagement because it generates income for them
3 - the rise of social media has given parents a place to speak about their loss, about their bereavement, to highlight what people can do to help those parents. That’s a good thing, even if it’s painful for everyone else to see that content. One of my aunt’s died in the 70’s and it was a time when child death was spoken about. She existed for four years to the world and then everyone stopped talking about her. It was hard for my grandparents.
4 - you will be noticing it more because you have a child. People have lost children since the dawn of time but now you have a child it hits you differently and you pay more attention to it. It’s confirmation bias.

I definitely agree that because I have a child now I’m more aware and anxious about it , I always tell myself to not worry about what will happen will, as long as I’m doing everything right it’s all I can do . Thanks guys x

My child died at the age your child is now (she had a genetic condition that has a poor prognosis so it wasn’t unexpected). The reality is the life and death of our child is out of our control, that’s scary to come to terms with but it’s reality.

I have two subsequent children now 7 and 5 but I have no guarantees they will get to adulthood either but the likelihood is, they will.

Two things I hang onto is
Most children survive so the odds are ever in our favour

If my child dies, I will survive. I won’t get over it but I will get through it. Many people lose children and most of them are still here, scarred perhaps, changed perhaps but here and functioning and living.

The algorithms are distorting your view - there are not "more" infant deaths than before, especially with TikTok it learns what you watch and shows you more of the same. So you are being shown a lot of this content.

I would suggest scrolling quickly past it and stopping to watch videos of cute dogs and cats instead xx

Closed loop viewing! If you engage and view these posts the algorithm recognises it... and brings up more of the same. It's very clever!

My second child died suddenly at 8 days old. Her health condition was so rare, around one in 40,000 and to actually pass away from it is even bigger odds. I have a 3 year old and 6 week old and Sids is my biggest fear with my little ones. I often feel alienated from other parents, because so few people understand what it's like thankfully, it is very rare to lose an infant I'm glad not many people have to endure the pain and pray I never do again. I also have OCD so know where your coming from with it being anxiety inducing to say the least seeing things on social media. I remind myself each day the chances of sids goes down as they get older, and they get stronger every day. The hospital staff in the bereavement suite told me they really can't stress safe sleep enough, I've personally always been really against co sleeping. You can only do what you can to keep them safe, worrying will just rob you of the good times with your child

@sandberry @Mkgmum
im so very sorry to hear the loss of your littles . It’s just awful
it’s so scary isn’t it ? That child is my whole reason for living , she is my everything and my goodness I pray that odds are on my side , and all yours too. Thank you all for being so lovely and not making me feel crazy . We’re all in it together it seems 🫶🏻

I fell into this spiral with my newborn- all my feed showed me for weeks was SIDS horrible child abuse cases and infant death.

i didn’t realise I was in the grip of postnatal anxiety.
I was waking me and my baby up hourly to check she was breathing- I couldn’t have her out of sight.
I can’t remember what snapped me out of it but I did delete all my social media apps for a while.
many daughter is a perfectly healthy 2 year old now.
My suggestion is delete the apps for a week or two and just enjoy your baby

Thank you so much for this. I think I’m going to delete social media for a bit 🫶🏻

My twin sons died after birth in November. One stillborn, the other survived 4 days before we had to let him go. My point in telling you this is....I had two perfect healthy babies up until something went wrong but I never spent one day in the latter stages of my pregnancy or after regretting them or worrying about losing them because I loved every moment of them. Enjoy your child, live for everyday. Life is very much out of our control. Don't waste time worrying about things that may or may not happen.

If you live by social media you will see things you don't want stop using it if it upsets you that much, there are other outlets to engage your intelligence

I felt the same emotion when my baby when he was tiny. I was terrified of something bad happening to him. It’s normal.

However, people who have lost children can share what little/much they please. They don’t owe anyone with a baby an answer. They can post a memoir of their baby without being expected to share ‘symptoms’.

Post baby hormones can be a nightmare, but please try to see further than your own back garden, and remember the world doesn’t revolve around you, or anyone else on social media.

As for those parents being ‘rude’…please just reframe your mind for a moment. They have lived through what you have self described as your biggest fear.

Get your stats from official published statistics than Facebook algorithms. I don't see any infant deaths on my feed, it's just geared towards your searches/previous engagement

The op said she does not ask, she reads comments to ascertain

Get off these apps