Hi,
DP and I have been together for 10 years. 2 DC together, I have 1 extra DC from previous relationship.
Our relationship has always been turbulent. He has history of meeting up with other women, messaging other women during the first few years of our relationship.
He then spent quite a number of years being a typical narcissist towards me. The last few years he seems to have grown up, realised (to an extent) what a prick he’d been to me over the years and apparently realised how much he does actually love and appreciate me. His behaviour towards me and our relationship has improved over the past 2 years. We recently began talking about having another baby. I was considering it, but still had my reservations as I still don’t fully believe that old behaviours won’t come back and being a single mum with 4 potential DC was never part of my plan. (The case for most in the same situation I imagine). I haven’t been on contraception recently, but use the natural method.
Anyway, yesterday I discovered that he has been interacting with loads and loads of female’s pictures on social media. Liking them, but also commenting with emojis to express that he finds them attractive. Also responding to insta stories privately with emoji’s to their selfie pictures.
He has a history of liking females half naked/selfie pictures but had stopped…so I thought. He knows my views on it and that I class it as cheating emotionally. I’ve asked him many times in the past to stop. He’s always said he would. But this time he seems to have just taken to a different social media platform, thinking I wouldn’t/couldn’t see his interactions I imagine.
after this discovery, I decided that enough was enough and I was planning to leave.
Today I believe I’m having implantation bleeding after having sex 7 days ago and not fully realising at the time that it was around ovulation. Obviously last week another baby was something I was potentially open to. I’ve had implantation bleeding with every pregnancy I’ve had - always on day 7. I find this quite a reliable indicator for me.
I’m now potentially pregnant, but was planning to leave him. What the hell do I do IF I am pregnant?
Ideally I don’t want to be a single mother to 4. My life is complicated enough and I worry the effect it will have on my own mental health, and the effect on my children if I’m constantly burnt out and juggling a professional job, 4 children and a busy family life as a single parent. Financially it would probably be just about do-able. DP would still be involved, but due to his career he would probably only be able to have DC one night per week. I know I could do it on my own and I am strong enough to do it, but do I really want to put myself under additional pressure/stress?
Or do I stay with someone I don’t really want to be with for the sake of having another baby that may already be conceived? As in my heart I do want one more baby. It might be the last chance I have to have another baby and ideally I don’t want to have 4 children with 3 different dads if I was to have another with a new DP in the future (no judgment on those with kids with multiple dads).
I would consider termination if I felt it was the right option, but in my heart I would like one more baby. I’ve had one termination before for clarity.
I just feel like everything is a mess. This is not the life i planned for me or my children.
Thank you for any advice. I imagine I need to wait to do a test before making any big decisions on anything? But I just need some thoughts and opinions as I don’t know what to think right now.