To think of the double standards?

[randomname7]

When I was younger I remember my Grandad had an affair and my Gran forgave him and life went on pretty much as usual until my Gran had an affair and the whole family disowned her.
I remember being told as a child she was no longer in our lives and nobody in the family saw or spoke to her in over 20 years.
I'm 28 now.
I recently asked my dad why we didn't see Gran in all those years before she died and he said because she had an affair but then I said Grandad had an affair too so why do we still speak to him and he thought for a moment and sad I don't know, I guess it's different.
So my Gran who's husband cheated on her and was forgiven by the entire family, did exactly the same back to her husband and died all alone estranged from all her family because she did exactly what he did.

On the face of it, yes, it sounds incredibly unfair.

I suppose it's possible that it might have been partly around the way the affair was conducted or other behaviour around it that led to her being treated more harshly? But it doesn't sound like it, if your dad can't pinpoint any difference.

Did your Gran leave to be with the the other person? Where as your Grandad stayed?

Bastards

No, he didn't know until after the same as with his affair.

That's really sad

Definitely as I didn't get a chance to love her so she didn't die alone.

That's awful, your poor gran. My MIL told me about a long term affair her DF was clearly having back in the day, very much swept under the carpet and life continued as normal while everyone knew but ignored it and he carried on regardless. They talk about it like it's some sweet story, like "Oh what was he like, so funny" because he was a bit of a nutty character. Ridiculous!

That’s so sad and cruel. Poor woman.

Is your Dad viewing things differently now that you've brought it up?

I don't think so, just that the family lost respect for her after that and rejected her out of respect for Grandad, yet he'd done the same thing and she was expected to compose herself and move forward with no fuss and his name remains untarnished.

This is so sad. And still common, the price for infidelity is often so much higher for women than it is for men.

I guess some people had the view that men are just helpless and it was just sex. Meaningless.
But for women it's sex and feelings.

Definitely shitty to treat so differently

Unfortunately, this is quite common.

Many people think that men are almost entitled to cheat but women are the worst of the worst for doing so.

It’s also why so many women blame the OW more than her own DH.

Whenever I read threads about men having affairs and begging for forgiveness, I always want to tell the OP to say she’s been having an affair too because I can guarantee that her DH wouldn’t forgive her like he wants her to forgive him.