Baby shower - truth or fib?

[Dundie268]

Wasn’t sure where to post this, just need opinions please…DP and I have been invited to yet another baby shower celebration (early 30s baby boom). These events make me very anxious and uncomfortable.

I’m very on the fence about having kids, to the point it makes me freak out to think about, and being around big groups with their babies who ask us about our plans or try and get me to hold them affects me a lot. For some reason I really struggle. I also can’t stand the weird games.

So I’m at the point where I just won’t go, but DP will still go if the father to be is his friend, which is totally fine by me of course, but then everyone naturally asks him where I am constantly.

My question is, is it better for him to tell a fib and save I’m unwell/had prior plans/away etc, or be totally upfront and paraphrase the above?

I don’t want to offend anyone or make our friends/acquaintances think I dislike them or their children etc, but equally I don’t want to lie and would rather not be invited where possible in the future. Probably massively overthinking the whole thing!

You can't be ill every time! Can't you go and grin and bear it?

Surely he just says you weren’t able to make it?
Your baby plans, or lack of them, are no one else’s business.
Baby showers are awful regardless of your own situation though.

Just say you already had plans.

It's fine in this situation to tell a white lie. The alternative will ruffle a few feathers for sure and there is no reason to be "controversial" and put yourselves out there like that.

"She wasn't able to make it but she asked me to give you a hug for her - we're both so excited for your new baby."

Don't feel like you have to grin and bear it. I'm childfree by choice and hate baby showers. I don't go, but send a heartfelt card and gift and spend lots of time with the couple in non-baby shower ways.

I wouldn’t be upfront, people will just ask more questions as freaking out at the idea of discussing children isn’t a typical response so people will want to no more. Don’t fake being ill just say you have plans or go and have some stock answers ready ‘oh we don’t talk about that stuff yet’ and move on.

I’ve said before that I think baby showers are tacky and I wouldn’t choose to go to one. I think you can be ill, have prior plans, need to be somewhere for work, or whatever excuse you can think of.

Send a lovely gift and say you can’t make it. No need for explanations.

Just say you don't do baby showers. I was told that by some people I invited to mine and wasn't offended in the slightest. It's honest.

I’ve never been to one. I just say I can’t make it. Nobody has ever been bothered or asked a follow up question.

I never go these hideous things.

Just say no you can't go.

No need to give a reason as you are an adult and don't need to explain anything to anyone.

Since when are baby showers unisex?

Def just be busy, they'll want to interrogate you on your response to being around their kids or they'll tAke it personally

Refusing one (even for this reason) won’t stop the invites, it’ll just make everyone decide you’re weird. Which you’re not - women are expected to get all mushy about babies and small kids and nobody would judge a man for not wanting to answer intrusive questions, hold a baby or play silly games. I’m surprised your DP is even invited, men aren’t usually subjected to this.

I think you’re fine to say you don’t do baby showers but I wouldn’t elaborate. It’s what I started to do once the (at that point) incessant baby boom amongst my friends turned into a COVID baby explosion. Can’t stand them (and my bank balance was very relieved).