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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I go to MIL's?

5 replies

namechange0998776554799000 · 26/01/2024 16:14

MIL found out this week that her cancer is terminal. She is at home and relatively well for the moment, although in a wheelchair. She lives about 2 hours away and we have barely seen her for the last few years for various reasons, including that her wheelchair (new in the last couple of years) won't fit through our door and we have no downstairs toilet so she can't come here. DH has been to her house a few times with DD and we've met at other places a couple of times. DS and I haven't been to hers partly because I've also had cancer, and partly because DS is autistic, MIL doesn't understand his needs and the last time we went was a disaster.

Despite this we had planned to all go to hers this weekend. I was quite on board and willing to hope for the best when it comes to DS. She's very keen to see both her grandchildren. The problem is, I have a horrible cough and cold, feel miserable and now just don't want to go. I finished my cancer treatment a few weeks ago (waiting for scan results to see if it worked) and while I felt great for a few days, this cold has knocked me right back. I just want to spend the weekend in bed watching TV really, although I appreciate how selfish that is. If I do, DH will still go with DD but DS will stay here - not because DH is incapable of handling DS (he's done absolutely everything for the last 6 months while I've been in & out of hospital), just because DS won't want to leave me. And if he went, DH would have to focus on him so much it would take away from the time with his mum.

So, AIBU to stay home and should I just suck it up and go?

OP posts:
sunshinesupermum · 26/01/2024 16:28

Please don't go and give your MiL your cold!

Bex5490 · 26/01/2024 16:28

Gosh - so sorry that your family are going so much. Having had family members go through cancer treatment, I appreciate that it can be completely exhausting. Something I’m sure MIL will understand.

I would ask DH to explain this and schedule another date to come out after that when you’re feeling a bit better. Can you do a scheduled FaceTime thing all together? Not sure if your DS would be able to access, but we still do virtual quiz/ movie watching/ whatever for elderly relatives who can’t make it to some occasions.

DinaDernaDodo · 26/01/2024 16:30

Cold or Covid? Absolutely irresponsible to pass on a virus.

Calamitousness · 26/01/2024 16:32

I wouldn’t go. Stay home with your ds and just chill. But, I would go and see you mil more regularly now. I totally understand why you haven’t in the last year or so. But if you are out of treatment now, I would make more effort and expect my dh to go more often, sometimes with you. Best wishes to both you and mil.

namechange0998776554799000 · 26/01/2024 17:20

Giving her my cold was another consideration, but I know she'd prefer me to go regardless. She's not immunocompromised at the moment (unlike me!). It's definitely not Covid, I've done 4 tests over the last 2 weeks (including today) and all negative.

Relieved to hear the general consensus is to stay home but I agree, I should make more effort to see her more often as soon as I'm up to it.

OP posts:
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