DS has a really great group of friends. He is now in Y12, they have been together since Y7.
One boy has been a problem since the start, and has caused many of the others untold upset over the years. He manipulates the whole group, plays them off against each other in small group chats (either in real life or on snapchat etc), rules over who can be invited to which meet-up, which party. One minute someone is included, the next they are not - it's all him. Individuals hear rumours about themselves that are not true and they are quickly traced back to this boy.
So why don't they just get rid of him? The issue is, he seems to have unlimited control. Fortunately I have never been in an abusive situation, but have had to undergo safeguarding training for a couple of roles. You hear the case studies, really awful stories, and you wonder how the perpetrators get away with it. And then you see the power this kid has over the group. If anyone challenges (my DS has dabbled) they are instantly bad-mouthed in many small off-shoot groups - belittled, made to look like the bad guy, etc. They are all aware of it and yet no one seems to be able to stop it - it takes incredible strength to stand up to it.
So now the kids are planning their first short, parent-free holidays for the summer. The first small group booked a trip. They made it clear that they didn't want to be away in a massive group and that they just wanted to be the 6 of them - no problem! Then this problem kid's small group booked a trip. Amazingly, he declared that the only hotel they could find in Europe was the same one as the first group, for the same dates... how funny! Except the first group didn't find it funny. But it was booked and paid for, so tough.
DS is in the third group. They were looking elsewhere, but now that so many friends are going to the same place, they thought they'd go too. First group are fine with it now, as more people being there dilutes this problem kid. But DS's group are not allowed - by order of problem kid! They have been told to find their own holiday, it would be "tragic" of them just to tag along on a trip they were not invited to. Er, hello! That's exactly what you did mate!
So, I am posting this today because DS is irate, but instead of being willing to just rise above and book it, he has surrendered. They all have. It's just too nasty to face the wrath. I'm posting today, but I could have posted the same question dozens of times over the years.
So, round to my AIBU... should I be speaking to the school about this? I mean, they are YEAR 12 for goodness sake, you think they'd be over this playground nonsense. But this kid gives me the creeps. You can just see the shoots of coercive control growing, I fear for any future partners. I feel this sense of duty to stop him in his tracks - yes, so that DS can have a happy summer but actually, more importantly, so that there is one less abusive man wandering through society. Do I speak up? Would I just make things worse? Do I sound vindictive? Do I let them just get on with it (DS and group can find somewhere else to go, I'm sure) I feel this sense of obligation to stop him before he does some real damage. They still have a year and a half together before DS can shake him off.