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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex can't be bothered to come and pick just one child up...

9 replies

userzH · 26/01/2024 12:19

2 kids to ex. He moved 120 miles away 10 years ago when we split up - he cheated before anyone asked who moved away. I've posted about him before and the same question was always asked.

Anyway kids are 14 and 12 now. He's always been crap but this has annoyed me. Equally tell me if I'm being unreasonable.

14 year old has autism. Has an echp, goes to a specialty school etc. He rang his dad to say he is too tired to travel to go to his dad's this weekend.

12 year old says she still really wants to go.

Ex travels to come and collect them. I used to meet him half way but as he became that impossible to co-parent with, I gave up and said he could just do it himself. He has no involvement with ds or his autism and I do everything on my own.

14 year old could probably do with a break. And also some time on his own to be fair away from his sister. He really does thrive off being on his own. I have a 5 year old too but it's more my12 year old that he doesn't get on with.

I ring me ex and explain and suggest that my daughter just comes up to see him on her own. She could have some 1:1 time with her dad which she never gets and my son could chill at home with me.

Especially response - 'it's a bit pointless travelling all that way just to pick one of them up so no'

Feel for my daughter here. It's fine for them to stay here - I always tell them they are old enough to decide if they want to go or stay because it's such a long way. However this is the first time one of them has said no to going and it's equally difficult when the other one wants to go! My daughter was looking forward to seeing her nana and she had already told her what she would like for tea etc etc...

I could literally hear the excitement in ex voice when my son said he didn't want to go.

Aibu to think he should still have his daughter for the weekend?

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 26/01/2024 12:26

Obviously YANBU. But he sounds like an arse so it’s not very surprising.

Can she ask herself?

Foxblue · 26/01/2024 12:27

'It's pointless to travel all that way just to pick one of them up'
It's a CHILD, not a bloody box of cereal - what an awful thing for him to say/do - how did you even respond to that??
Thank god you got rid of him!

userzH · 26/01/2024 12:38

Foxblue · 26/01/2024 12:27

'It's pointless to travel all that way just to pick one of them up'
It's a CHILD, not a bloody box of cereal - what an awful thing for him to say/do - how did you even respond to that??
Thank god you got rid of him!

He said it like I should understand! He said 'do you know what I mean?' afterwards.

I said I didn't have a clue what he meant and just ended the call.

My daughter will be ok I think.

I've not had anything like this from him for a while. We rarely speak to be honest....for a very good reason!

OP posts:
userzH · 26/01/2024 12:41

MatildaTheCat · 26/01/2024 12:26

Obviously YANBU. But he sounds like an arse so it’s not very surprising.

Can she ask herself?

He would still say no. Infact he probably wouldn't answer at all. If he thinks we need anything from him he won't answer.

We've had issues in the past when we were in Covid times. He absolutely loved Covid and didn't see them for months due to it being too risky. Which I sort of understood as it worried me too but he definitely used it to his advantage - children were still allowed to live between houses. My daughter used to ring him and ask if she could see him but he would say no. He still uses Covid now lol - he did it a couple of months ago.

Once he says no, he won't change his mind. He will just ignore her calls probably.

OP posts:
Velvian · 26/01/2024 13:18

Next time don't tell him until he arrives. What a foolish, shortsighted man. When the balance of power shifts, he will regret his shitness as a parent.

rainbowstardrops · 26/01/2024 13:24

Oh your poor daughter! I agree though, just don't tell him next time until he turns up! Hopefully your children will see him for the loser that he is eventually.

Bex5490 · 26/01/2024 15:01

Velvian · 26/01/2024 13:18

Next time don't tell him until he arrives. What a foolish, shortsighted man. When the balance of power shifts, he will regret his shitness as a parent.

Absolutely this.

Spineless shit. Sorry you have to interact with such a tool.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. With that logic if you’d only had 1 kid he wouldn’t bother with a relationship…

userzH · 26/01/2024 16:51

I really want to text and say something but it's completely pointless and a waste of energy that won't get my anywhere. I think the whole reason my son doesn't want to go is because he will be bored to tears to be honest. Maybe this is the start of the end.

We definitely should have waited before saying anything - I will think of that next time. In all fairness my son locked up the phone r and rang his dad before even speaking to me about it so I'll have to have my wits about me more for next time.

Thank you all c

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 26/01/2024 16:54

I’d be really petty and reply “wow, interesting to know how little dd means to you. You really are an appalling human being - thanks for the reminder.”

Any response from him would be met with an eye roll emoji.

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