Settle this debate

[hotcoffeee]

My sister is working things out with her hubby after a 4 month break

Hubby said he slept with 3 other women during the break. That's fine, but his story changes like the weather in terms of when etc. Sister is thinking maybe they're still sleeping together.

One of the women is American living in the UK, not really hubbys type. So sister thinks he's enjoying the "'newness"

Sister messaged the woman (who is single now since she broke up with her ex) and it went like this:

"Are u still sleeping with Mike?"

"No not at all. I've been in a relationship since last year; we've had some issues but I'm not looking to have sex with anyone or be with anyone. I'm in a "I hate men phase" and as far as Mike goes; we aren't even friends"

"How many times did u sleep with him? I'm in an I hate men phase too lol men are ridiculous"

"I'm confused. Did he tell you we slept together?"

"Yes. He's been trying to get back with me for a while. But he said he slept with you so I'm just making sure it stopped. He said he slept with you and a couple of others not long after"

"Like I said we're not even friends and I haven't seen him in god knows how long. I'm enjoying being single and working. Men suck"

what does this sound like to you?

(I'm of the opinion trust can be rebuilt if people are honest)

Why would she be confused by that question? All seems odd to me

If she needs to message other women to ask whether he is truthful or not they shouldn't be getting back together imo.

She should cut her losses and move on to someone she can trust.

My thoughts exactly... but she is the type that needs extra reassurance .. we had a difficult childhood

I don't get why the other woman is confused tho

She sounds like she’s avoiding the question and trying to confirm if Mike has actually said they slept together before she admits it herself.

She’s not confused. She’s scared to drop Mike, and herself, in it.

I confronted a woman my ex had confessed to sleeping with. She outright denied ever meeting him. I told her that I knew he had, and he’d even told me about her tattoos. She denied having tattoos, even though her public Facebook shows her covered in them.

There’s nowt as queer as folk.

I think Mike has been telling porkies.

You said it yourself; his story keeps changing, he is a liar.

But look what is has done, instead of your sister focusing on Mike, she is now spending time messaging a stranger and spending time deciphering if the American woman is lying or not.

It doesn't matter if the American woman is lying, confused, whatever, its all a tactic to stop your sister from dealing with the truth from Mike.

I completely agree with the 1st post
If she needs to message other women to ask whether he is truthful or not they shouldn't be getting back together imo.

Her answer, "Like I said we're not even friends and I haven't seen him in god knows how long. I'm enjoying being single and working. Men suck" means she most definitely slept with him.

If she hadn't slept with him, the answer to the question "How many times did u sleep with him?" would have been "None".

But she knows my sister knows cos she told her that he admitted it?

I don't want to see my sister get hurt by this

Sounds like Mike didn’t sleep with her at all. Did your sister sleep with some people? I reckon Mike has made it up so he feels ‘equal’ with your sister

Yes she did sleep with someone, and she told him about it

Could he be making it up that he slept with 3 women because your sister slept with another man? Weird ego thing?

I asked her that. She said she doesn't think he's lied cos she went crazy about it and grilled him, he gave her a lot of details about how he met them etc... she thinks it's true

I think he's lying. 3 women in very quick succession? I doubt it.

I agree that she would have said definitively if she hadn’t slept with him but she is trying to be tactful in her response and assure you nothing is going on now.

I feel like the other woman's initial response is overly detailed for the question she was asked and seems a bit off. That's not enough evidence though.

On the other hand, he could be bullshitting to make himself seem like a player to show your sister that other women are just dying to have him.

Overall, not enough to go on either way. For me, it comes down to the trust. She doesn't believe or trust him and that's the more important factor.

I think the details of who is confused by what are irrelevant. If your sister can’t trust his account without independent corroboration then the marriage can’t be saved and she should start to plan a future that doesn't include him. Sorry.

If I were the other woman I'd have told your sister to get lost, I'm afraid- she doesn't owe your sister anything and the repeated questioning and asking really personal stuff like how many times they slept together is really rude.

If your sister wants to know this stuff, she should ask her husband. If she doesn't trust him to be honest, she shouldn't get back together with him. How the poor woman who she was questioning reacted is neither here nor there.

Because he lied to make himself look like the big man who can get any woman and she's lucky he's coming back to little old her

Why would she be confused by that question?

I think when she said she was 'confused' she meant 'I wasn't aware that you knew Mike and I had slept together', which is why she then said 'Did Mike tell you?'

If I'd slept with 'Mike' ages ago and I then got a message from someone I didn't know, demanding to know if I was still sleeping with Mike, I think I'd be pretty confused too. I would be thinking "Why I am getting messages about Mike, of all people? Why does this woman seem to think I might still be having sex with him? I'm not even his friend. And how did she even know I'd slept with Mike in the first place? Do we have mutual friends or something? Or did Mike tell her?! This is weird and uncomfortable; why am I getting interrogated over someone I had a one night stand with when we were both single and who I'm not even in touch with any more?"