To have told them about Mum's drinking?

[unicornsox]

For the past couple of years my Mum has been drinking heavily on an evening, and is only getting worse. She goes from being fine to paraletic very quickly around 5pm. She drinks anything she can, straight vodka, you name it and denies it and hides it. She's had to have days off work because shes hungover. She's been so bad and denied she's been drunk sometimes I've worried she was having a stroke. She can be really nasty too.

I was at the doctor's anyway today and asked for their advice. They said they will request her to book for a kind of well woman check and then mention I've been in and told them I'm concerned about her drinking. Was I out of order to do this? I just want my Mum back. I feel like who my mum was and the relationship we had, has gone because of alcohol.

I don’t think you sound unreasonable just rightfully concerned. I’m really sorry you are going through this it must be so tough for you. Do you think your mum would be open to getting professional help? Have you ever spoke to her about your concerns about her drinking (I know this is so hard so no judgement if you haven’t as people can become very defensive) and if you have spoken to her how has she responded?

I quickly learnt not to talk to her about it while she was drunk, as she would get very nasty. I've been pretty much told I'm a bad mother, that I shouldn't have had kids. that she wouldn't be bothered if she never saw her grandaughter again. When she's sober she shuts it down and says can we not talk about it, to the point now she even seems to make a joke about it? She once tried to use like a banana for a remote one night when she was drunk and she finds it really funny. I've said I'm worried and even said I feel like I've lost my mum. She will seem like she hasn't had a drink for a couple of nights and i'll think we're getting somewhere then the next night she'll be so drunk she can barely string a sentence together

I’m really sorry to hear this about your mum. I do know what it’s like as my mum had a problem with alcohol which didn’t get better the older she got. Please look after yourself and try to understand that there’s not a lot you can do to make your mum change her drinking habits. I did find that Al Anon meetings were helpful to me and later on counselling from Vocal (l live in Edinburgh).

My mum drank heavily when I was a teen/into my early twenties, I know how awful it is, unfortunately I don't think there's much you can do unless she's willing to get help for herself, my mum always denied she was drunk even though she could be standing in front of me slurring her words! As she got older she actually stopped as she got arthritis and she doesn't get out to the shops to buy any alcohol, plus she finds it hard to get around the house so I think she's afraid she'd fall and kill herself if she was drunk, it's very tough

It’s so hard especially when the drinking culture is so strong in the country that tales of things people did when drunk are seen as outrageous but hilarious rather than concerning. I agree with @Fantan that there’s not loads you can do. Not until your mum is willing to accept this is an issue herself. This sounds extremely tough for you especially when you have your own family to worry and care for and I’m so sorry you are going through this xx

When I’ve asked a GP to see two different members of my family they never mentioned that I had initiated the consultation. I don’t think the GP should be telling your mum that.

God, are you me?? Pointless talking to her about it when she’s been drinking and unless she’s worried/wants to change, it’s also pointless talking about it when she’s sober. Believe me, I tried so many times then just distanced myself (left the country). Mine still drinks and lost most of her friends who were horrified when they saw her drinking so much. Doesn’t seem to take much, I think she’s basically just topping up every night.