Can't stand my father-in-law

[Loco35]

This is my first time on here and I'm desperate for advice! I've got a six month old baby and my problem is that I can't stand my father-in-law holding her, talking to her - basically having anything to do with her. This is causing terrible problems between me and my partner. We live in the same town which makes it even harder. FIL is a manipulative bully who has the whole family dancing to his tune. I hate it because I can't bear him to be involved in my baby's life but I feel like I have no choice. Does it get easier to let your baby go? I feel like I'm never going to be able to stand it. HELP!!

Thanks, it's reassuring to know that it does get easier. He's just so awful, I can't bear him to be involved. I'm going to set some ground rules because otherwise I feel as though I'm going to explode and start screaming at him which will just cause a huge feud. It's so difficult to hand the most precious thing in your life over to someone you dislike so much!

I've told my partner this morning that I want to speak to FIL about something that happened on Sunday. We were all up there for lunch and he was in her face the whole time and just wouldn't leave her alone, kept taking her out of the room, away from the rest of us. It was awful. It's not that I think he's going to do anything, it's just that he likes to be in control all the time. I've told my partner that I need to speak to him about the way he is with her. He got really annoyed and said that he would say something. He finds it really hard though because FIL is such a bully. Grrrrrrrrr! I hate it!!!

I had a similar problem, although I suspect I don't feel quite as strongly about my FIL. It will get easier, and what helped me is that despite the fact he's a cantankerous, opinionated moron a lot of the time, he really seemed to soften with DS, and is always gentle and kind with him. I appreciate this may not be the case for you. Ground rules are a must though, and if you feel uncomfortable at anytime then you shouldn't ignore that. You never know, DD may bring out something halfway human in him!

Actually I have to admit that FIL is quite good with her and she seems to quite like him. It's just that I can't stand him! That's the problem. My feelings towards him are becoming more and more irrational - it's so difficult to keep it in perspective. I just feel as though he's trying to take her away all the time - I know that sounds ridiculous. It's so hard though.

Actually I have to admit that FIL is quite good with her and she seems to quite like him. It's just that I can't stand him! That's the problem. My feelings towards him are becoming more and more irrational - it's so difficult to keep it in perspective. I just feel as though he's trying to take her away all the time - I know that sounds ridiculous. It's so hard though.

Actually I have to admit that FIL is quite good with her and she seems to quite like him. It's just that I can't stand him! That's the problem. My feelings towards him are becoming more and more irrational - it's so difficult to keep it in perspective. I just feel as though he's trying to take her away all the time - I know that sounds ridiculous. It's so hard though.

Actually I have to admit that FIL is quite good with her and she seems to quite like him. It's just that I can't stand him! That's the problem. My feelings towards him are becoming more and more irrational - it's so difficult to keep it in perspective. I just feel as though he's trying to control everything all the time - it's awful.

Actually I have to admit that FIL is quite good with her and she seems to quite like him. It's just that I can't stand him! That's the problem. My feelings towards him are becoming more and more irrational - it's so difficult to keep it in perspective!

Whoops, sorry about multiple postings. It's all a bit new!

I know what you mean, part of me wanted DS not to like FIL, like a punishment or something..

Exactly! I fear the opposite will be the case though...

EggHead, you are right. There's always a suggestion that I'm being neurotic - maybe I am but it's how I feel. If I bottle it up I'm worried I'm just going to explode. I'm a firm believer in getting things out in the open but I'm my partner's family cover everything up, insisting that all is fine the whole time. I'm going to stand my ground though!

Is there something he has said and done to make you feel this way about him, or is it a gut feeling? If you dont want him to take her out of the room, ( and you have every right to feel that way), then why not say `oh come here baby, do you need a feed/ let me smell your nappy/ oh dear are we getting upset, put your hands out and take her back, and take her out the room yourself? That is what i do with my FIL. He doesnt wash his hands and is too shakey to hold a baby, I dont want to upset him but can generally find some excuse.

if you don't want him taking your baby, get a sling. Really, they are a godsend! Many people will scoop a baby out of mum's arms making it hard to protest without making a scene but I have yet to find anyone with enough cheek to dig about in a sling! I used one all the time for ds anyway, but it was especially fab for keeping people's sticky paws off him.

All this is aside from the real issue obviously, but if your instinct is telling you to keep your baby away from this man, then it might help! good luck x

I didn't like him before I had her but now it's even He's quite slimey - all my friends think so. He thinks he's charming and is so thick skinned, he never picks up on other people's reactions. Anyone more perceptive would have realised how I feel but not him! The only way is to tell him.

Thanks all. Over and out x