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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel my mum is being unfair to critisise me for not buying a house

26 replies

milliec · 20/03/2008 08:11

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
constancereader · 20/03/2008 08:17

YANBU

It sounds very annoying - does she know about your situation? Tell her plainly that you would love to buy a house, and when you can afford to, she will be the first to know.

suey2 · 20/03/2008 08:26

"well if you'd like to help us out, mum?". YANBU. I would be hanging on to see how far the market drops

noddyholder · 20/03/2008 08:32

Now is not the time In fact anyone else would be encouraging you NOT to buy.Prices are about to correct sharply and hopefully return to affordible levels after all the madness

Mamazon · 20/03/2008 08:36

yanbu.

could you not get a buy to let mortgage on something small, rent it out then sell it off in a year or so when the market is better.

thus earning yourself some extra cash towards your own home in the process?

Original poster
milliec · 20/03/2008 08:38

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Jackstini · 20/03/2008 08:40

YANBU - I presume DP knows she gave your brother this sum?
It would wind me up that she is not treating you both the same.

constancereader · 20/03/2008 08:43

Given your last post, I think you have to address the issue of her annoying you about it rather than the problem of unaffordable housing. Tell her that your dp is stressed out about the situaion, as are you, and need some time off from worrying about housing. Especially over Easter. She might stop going on about it

If she does start, say firmly "Oh, we don't want to think about that right now" and change the subject. GOOD LUCK

chocolateteapot · 20/03/2008 08:45

I completely agree with Noddy, I think she is being very irresponsible encouraging you to buy now and that is leaving aside the issue of the money she gave your brother.

Prices have without a doubt fallen back where I am in Dorset. Although Property Snake isn't showing big reductions, 10% was the maximum when I last looked, things are coming on the market a fair bit lower then they were last year. We were going to sell in June, went on the market for 3 weeks, had 14 viewing then took it off as decided not to move. There are still houses who were on the market the same time as we were, they've been reduced but still not sold.

Sit tight, I'm sure things will look very different in the not too distant future.

FriedGreenTomatoes · 20/03/2008 09:02

Why don't you tell her at Easter that you have been putting offers in, but they have been below the asking prices (because you cannot afford the full price) and they have been getting turned down. Maybe this will appease her - and she may even offer to help top you up.

Other than that, tell her you are thinking of emigrating cos property is cheaper abroad. That should shut her up for a while.

TotalChaos · 20/03/2008 09:14

YANBU - none of her business. And if she knows you are saving up then she is being a cow quite frankly.

Bouncingturtle · 20/03/2008 09:14

FGT's suggestion is a great one.
I would tell you it's a bad time to buy but I think you already know that

TBH I think i'd be annoyed if my mum gave my dbs money to buy a house and not me, unless my dbs are much less well off than me.

Agree the issue is with your mum beating the same drum all the time. Keep changing the subject if she tries to bring it up. Don't let her bully you!

Upwind · 20/03/2008 09:21

Yes take FGT's advice! Next time she starts explain again that you simply can't afford to buy in the UK with house prices being insane. Tell her the pressure is getting to you and if you want a home of your own you might have to emigrate to somewhere very far away, like New Zealand

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 20/03/2008 09:30

Tell her that house prices are meant to drop by 20% in the next year so you are waiting for that.

pukka · 20/03/2008 09:32

okie, im going to be opposite here.
your mother has a point. house prices are not going to go down anytime soon. the fasster you get on themarket, the less that 3 bed is likely to cost.
but, her attitude is a bit unreasonable. you have explained you financieal situation. ask her to either stump up and help you out with some money, or stop going on about it. she cant have money magically appear from nowhere.

tc, i totally disagree that it is none or her busines. this is her daughter we are talking about. so it is her business. but she is being ureasonable the way she is nagging.

noddyholder · 20/03/2008 09:33

pukka have you seen the press?Mortgage products are being withdrawn daily and property is toast.

pelafina · 20/03/2008 09:35

Message withdrawn

pukka · 20/03/2008 09:39

they wont go down that substantially. not from what the op says about her and her dp's spending potential.
i am just saying that her mother does have a point. she is worried about her dd's future security. she just isnt being very smart about how she is expressing her worry. i think that everyone should give the woman a break. she may be a nag, but she is a nag who loves her dd. it is now up to the dd ie the op to ensure this situation doesnt get any worse.

noddyholder · 20/03/2008 09:43

How do you know tehy won't go down substantially?They are already not selling asthere is no credit.Banks are only lending at traditional levels to the most credit worthy and that will have a direct impact on prices.They will be 20% down by xmas

chopchopbusybusy · 20/03/2008 09:55

No one knows what will happen in the property market but it is very possible that prices will drop because of the current situation. I bought my first house in 1987 - just before the property crash. Fortunately, it was a house we liked and we bought it because we liked it and not as an investment. We were able to ride out the interest rates peaking at 15% and afford the mortgage payments - only just. We lived in it for 10 years and probably ended up losing money on it because we did do some significant improvements to it over the years. I strongly believe because of my experience that people should buy property because they like it and want to live in it, because it may not be the cash cow that everyone has grown to expect.

This was in London and many people I knew then got themselves into a lot of financial trouble purely because they bought at the wrong time - it could easily go the same way again.

WowOoo · 20/03/2008 09:59

Just to defend your Mum a bit. I wouldn't like it either, but she prob may just be worried about you and wants you to be secure and not wasting money renting.
Know how annoying it can be though. My dad was the same! Agree with chopchop.

MrsTittleMouse · 20/03/2008 10:04

Oh boy, we get that too. They all know that we're looking. What do they want us to do, buy a house that's not right for us and live in regret for 10 years plus, just because they're nagging? To be honest, prices are dropping here already. I reckon that the average place has gone down by at least the amount that we've spent on renting for the past year.

Acinonyx · 20/03/2008 10:29

I'm in the SE in an expensive area and trying to sell our house. We've dropped our price 5% so far but it's slow these days. Property here used to sell in 24-48 hours. The house we've offered on dropped it's price too. Prices are definitley dropping.

meemar · 20/03/2008 10:35

It's none of her business. You are right to be cautious with the instability of the market.

We rent and have accepted that we missed the boat when it came to getting on the property ladder during the boom. Right now I am glad now because our rent is much lower than the mortgage repayments we would be stretching ourselves to meet if we had bought.

Renting has it's disadvantages, of course. But if buying is more costly or risky for you I really don't see the point in doing it.

pedilia · 20/03/2008 10:44

House prices have dropped and people are putting offers in well below the asking price, somthing unheard of a few months ago.

I think if you wait a few months prices will get much more reasonable.

Acinonyx · 20/03/2008 10:45

The good think about renting is that you have flexibility. Buying your first house is fairly straight forward - but once you are both buying and selling it becomes VERY VERY VERY stressful. Did I mention how stressful it is? So when you get your first house you don't want to have to think about having to move too soon again. So it is worth waiting and being very sure of your first house - it will never be so easy again!

What I miss about renting is being able to move easily. I was not that bothered about buying - but dh really wanted to. And my mother was pushy too - basically saying I was a bad unsupportive wife for not wanting to buy