Family going on holiday without us

[wtfisupwithmyfamily]

All my family are going on a 'family' holiday without me and DC. That's parents, siblings plus partners and DC.

The idea first came about in 2022. At that time I let the organiser know when we would be available based on a CAO that has been in place for years. I'm not going to go into it but it's really not easy to move away from this order and also I wouldn't want to try unless it was a matter of life and death. Big backstory but suffice to say ex is very difficult.

Other family members don't have the same kinds of restrictions on when they can go.

Shortly after the initial discussion, a date and location was suggested. I immediately responded that it wouldn't work due to contact arrangements (which they should have known anyway from the details I had shared) and expected an alternative solution to be suggested, but instead it was just booked immediately and I was basically told it was hard luck. So I realised it wasn't important to them that we were there.

Some time later I was asked again by the organiser if I would go. I explained again why I couldn't but that a minor change to the dates would make it possible and wouldn't inconvenience anyone else. At this point original arrangements had fallen through so it was possible to change things as nothing was booked and it was still so far off anyway. I was told they would look into it but I heard nothing.

As I understand it there have been several changes of plan since, but never in a way that would allow me and DC to attend.

Now it seems it is definitely going ahead, on the dates that don't work for us.

So as not to drip feed, the organiser is paying but I would happily have paid for us anyway.

I haven't told DC the whole family will be going away without us and don't intend to if I can avoid it.

The organiser has had so many opportunities to change plans to accommodate my DC's availability and hasn't. And the others seem to be going along with it as if it doesn't matter if we aren't there.

I'm pretty much NC with the organiser now. I don't want to hold it against the rest of my family but wtf? AIBU to be pissed off? I feel so sad for my DC.

YANBU. They all suck. The organiser for deliberately ignoring your pleas for tweaking the dates and the rest of your family for not having your back and wanting you and your DC to be there. Sorry OP, how hurtful. I do like mummyoflittledragon’s suggestion tho - just to put the cat amongst the feathers and see what they all say….!

Are there other kids going?

Would the dates you'd prefer be more expensive?

I'm sorry OP, that's really hurtful. Take your DC on a lovely holiday another time and have a nice time without the stress of the family.

And FWIW, I get it. I don't really bother with certain immediate family now.

How do you know these other family members don’t care? You seem to be intimating your reasons may not have been communicated by the organiser. As that relationship has broken down, there’s clearly something strange going on. Unless there’s something you haven’t explained on the thread, I would have thought the only way to ascertain that your family doesn’t care is contact them directly.

I'm not sure if they know the reasons. I'm almost certain the organiser won't have told the full story themselves.

But I do know for a fact at least one knows as I've discussed it with then several times since the very start.

I think their justification would be they don't want to get involved, which feels rather like they don't have my back.

To those who asked, there will be other children going.

Well, I’ve said what I think you should do and stand by it despite what you’ve said. You are expecting far too much from the people, who know about your situation. Not everyone is prepared to fight another person’s corner. From their perspective they have person A and person B on opposing sides and they’re just in the middle not wanting to piss either party off.

They don't need too, either go to don't but no one will have this drama in their head only you

OP you're contradicting yourself.

You say you could have negotiated something with enough notice. Why didn't you do that when the first holiday was booked? Now you say it's too late notice.

You also haven't responded to the suggestion you call up the organiser and find a way to attend part of the holiday.

You also don't know that other people don't have things booked 2 years in advance.

At first glance I thought it sounded shitty but the more I have read your responses I’m not sure what I think now.

i could be wrong but you come across as if you are being obstructive and awkward especially if everyone does not know your full circumstances regarding contact.

i note that someone else is paying for this holiday, do your suggested ‘tweaks’ to the dates put the prices up loads?

You say you are aware of changes that have been made but at the same time are saying you don’t know the details to make arrangements to go? Equally you want everyone to work around your circumstances but are your sure that there are not other issues/circumstances that have resulted in the date being picked?

why couldn’t you have just responded saying I can’t do those dates because of DC but can do these dates or can try and make something work so I can go for a few nights, let me know when it’s booked so I can figure something out.

it’s ultimately not nice if everyone goes on holiday without but I think if not all your family know about your circumstances then you may not know about theirs.

Spoken by someone who very obviously has never had to deal with a shitty ex via the courts system. Sadly there are far too many men out there who seem to make it their life's work to fuck up their ex's life, and if kids get hurt in the crossfire they don't care. My ex refused permission to take the kids on holiday in my time, it cost me a fortune to go to court - what the kids want, and what's best for them doesn't matter to these men.

Op it's shit that you have been excluded. Really shit. Does the rest of the family truly understand how you feel about it?

"why couldn’t you have just responded saying I can’t do those dates because of DC but can do these dates or can try and make something work so I can go for a few nights, let me know when it’s booked so I can figure something out"

That's literally what I did.

I'm finding it hard to believe they even care at the moment to be honest.