To tell friend that she would be mad to have another baby with this waster?

[Stanleycupsarecool]

About 10 of us on NCT group chat, still friendly now our kids are toddlers.

Chat is mixed with normal kid stuff and occasional rants about partners, standard stuff such as he woke up the baby etc.

However one of the ladies rants are always slightly more serious. Husband playing games while baby climbing stairs, husband refusing to take a day off to look after sick child, refusing to do any house work, husband spending money for new car seat on cannabis. Basically he sounds like a waste of space, I’ve never met the guy, but from everything she has said he sounds lacking. He also has MH problems and often threatens suicide when issues are brought up. Her rants about his unacceptable behaviour have been constant since our babies were weeks old and is still going now they are nearly 2.

On Sunday afternoon for our monthly coffee catch up, only 4 of us were there. Chat got to trying for a second, 2 other members of the chat are currently pregnant. She mentions that come spring they are going to start trying for a second.

AIBU to think she is mad to have another child with this guy?

I guess she might have her own reasons, she is slightly older so maybe feels her time is limited?

Should I say something? I feel like that would be incredibly patronising, like surely she can see this herself?

Out of the chat me and one of the other mums are probably closer to her than the others, but the other mum wasn’t there to hear her conception plans at the weekend. Other mum has also expressed her doubts about the husband to me, so wondering if I should ask her what she thinks.

She won't listen. Especially if you call her mad and him a waster.

She clearly sees his behaviour as normal and presumably loves him. If you tell her you think he's a waste of space she'll just get defensive because you're effectively judging her for loving a waster.

There's no point. If she ever decides to leave him, that's for her to decide herself.

does sound like she was asking your opinion to me

Doesn't! I meant to say

like surely she can see this herself?

I doubt it. I'd expect she sees his behaviour as being the same as the stuff the other women rant about from their partners.

Well, what does everyone say to her rants? Do you all say wow, he really should be doing a lot more?

Well now you have a reason to shut her annoying rants down.

If she starts whining about him again, a simple 'Yet you've chosen to have another baby with him....?'

Shut her down every time.

Don't say anything, she won't listen. A lot of women want that 2 child thing with a certain age gap and the same dad, and whether the dad is any good doesn't matter so much. She will be getting what she wants in the end. I have seen the same happen numerous times but always keep my thoughts to myself.

I suppose our response to her rants are ‘oh I’m sorry that you are going through this Mary. What was Bob thinking? That really isn’t on, poor Barney could have fell downstairs and really hurt himself.’

Some of the others compare their rants about parters, so yeh she probably just thinks it’s normal, but everyone else’s moans are never as bad.

With the car seat weed thing it got more heated, as a couple of of the other mums said that it would be deal breaker for them and they’d consider divorce. It all got a bit awkward and quiet for a while.

She won't listen until she's ready to, which she clearly isn't now. You might as well save your breath.

You see it on here every day.

You can’t fix stupid! 🤷‍♀️

I'd probably only be that level of honest with a very close friend.

As @kessamde said she might just really want two kids by the same father and is currently willing to overlook all his crap for this to happen. I do despair at how many women seem to be shackled to these waste of space men.