To say that this year we are not going on holiday ?

[Itsnotaholidayforme]

Every year for the last 9 years we have gone abroad on holiday. Last year we had a U.K. break too so it was double the work.

DH pulls his weight it’s not like I have to do everything but I’m naturally an organiser so tend to spend more time double checking things anyway.

One dc has SEN too and some medical issues so that can be added stress.

Every year I really feel the phrase ‘same shit, different place’ as that’s just what it feels like and I can’t do it anymore. Just for one year I want a holiday from taking a holiday !!!! I find it time consuming beforehand to organise and pack, stressful when there and the same workload applies when you have a child with difficulties. DH says I should make an effort as it’s for the dc and I shouldn’t be having the expectations I do but it’s not that I want a holiday I just don’t want to have the same stress just in a different temporary location that drains me of all my energy just getting through the journey alone !!!

Is it so much to just want a year ‘off’ ??!!

I think you should have a staycation and spend the time on days out to places you’d all enjoy.

Tell him to organise it, pack etc if he wants to go. Agree with PP e staycation

Is it self catering? Or do you feel the same even in a hotel with all meals included?

YANBU at all! Sounds like more stress than it’s worth.
I have heard of a place in France (I think) it was on one of these New Life in the Sun/Bought a Village programmes. Your post reminded me of it.
A lady created a holiday village for families with children who have SEND. It looked amazing! Very chilled, accessible etc. There may be more places like this that help to make a holiday more relaxing for parents/children.
Sorry if this isn’t appropriate for you OP but thought it worth a mention. I’ll see if I can find a link …

Staycation...

Hire a hot tub for the garden

Take aways

Films

Fizzy drinks

Wine

Days out

Yes this - it sounds like you don’t like the organisation/self catering aspect (I don’t blame you). Have you tried an all inclusive?

Why doesn't dh feel he needs to make the effort for the dc?

Does it say that?

You’re not unreasonable if that’s how you feel. Personally I love organising our family holidays which are always self catering, sometimes camping. DC1 (and probably DH) is autistic so space is prioritised over catering. DH does most of the cooking though. Kids love a foreign supermarket. Last year we stayed at home for a week and the weather was meh, found it hard to drag anyone out on day trips. When we’re away we have a really lovely time as a family.

Have a year off.

A year without might increase your enthusiasm for having a holiday next year, and if so, your husband can do the lions share of the thinking/planning/organising to find something as low stress as possible.

The OP specifically says DH pulls his weight it’s not like I have to do everything but I’m naturally an organiser so tend to spend more time double checking things anyway.

AI holiday is the answer

Make sure that you are still having time off work, just don't go anywhere. Nothing wrong with that at all.

It is also no bad thing for your DC to be aware that not every year can everyone have a holiday abroad, so whilst not the intention, perhaps may aid their understanding of how many others live.

It sounds like you need a break, do you have any support so you and your husband can go away for a weekend and take the children elsewhere later in the year?

Self catering in a place where good weather isn’t guaranteed with a difficult child? Sounds like hell!
Go for a spa break with a friend for a weekend instead. Then let husband have his weekend to do something.

I actually took a break for 3 years from family holidays because I found them so hard to organise. I am autistic and have ADHD so sometimes it's just overwhelming. At one point I thought we would never go on holiday again but we have successfully enjoyed many more. Honestly it did me the world of good so I would say instead of looking for workarounds and support take the year off of you want. For some it's actually the break you need, not another way to manage.

We had a brilliant time one year having a staycation where we went out doing different new things every day and meals out a few times or easy meals. DC loved it. Maybe do that but have a weekend away or a night away by the sea so you’ve covered both bases

I don’t think you are being U but personally I would get stir crazy if I didn’t go on holiday for a year. Plus I think some of the best memories I have with my kids are when we’ve been on holiday. Staycation days are fine but too many get really expensive and it can be difficult to find someone that everyone wants to do.

What about looking at what you find stressful and trying to do something different. The holidays I love with my kids are probably things which I wouldn’t have done before I had kids, like Center Parcs, camping etc. If your kids like swimming Center Parcs is a good call, I find it easy, no cars, everything in walking distance and nice surroundings. There are other similar places. Maybe spend a bit more but stay in the uk and get somewhere where food is catered or take aways etc (it’s the constant catering which killed me!). And perhaps dial down the holiday prep to what’s strictly needed (I never start more than about 4 days before we go as packing for a holiday takes as long as you give it).

Do you go self catered or AI? My friend takes all her laundry on the second to last day to a local launderette and has a service wash done so comes home with just 2 days worth of dirty laundry.

Is there nowhere with any sort of kids club that caters for your child? Maybe you get a break that way?

AI holiday?

We had a brilliant one last year - got a swim up room at a reasonable price and, although we had a couple off days outside the hotel, spent most of our time just going between our patio bit and the lovely restaurants.

Well it doesn’t sound like a holiday for you and the DCs will probably enjoy day trips from home just as much.

At a push, maybe a weekend away as a mini staycation.

I used to feel same when going on holiday with young dc.
I settled for long weekend caravan holiday a few miles away but near the sea and they loved it just as much. Went there several years in a row but I would still feel I needed a ‘me’ holiday when we got back !

I agree OP. I've never been on a holiday with young children which was worth the stress of packing and travelling and dealing with them in a strange location, and the sleep disruption. That's not to say I haven't enjoyed seeing my DC having fun and trying new things, but I'm now firmly out of the mindset of holidays being relaxing/any fun for me personally.

I now put holidays in the category of taking DC swimming - you should do it sometimes and some bits are fun, but the fun bits are sandwiched by a lot of faff, bother and discomfort and everyone is secretly relieved when you're home again.

I'd offer your DH a trade. 5 days of family holiday followed by a weekend for you away by yourself or with friends.