To ask class mum if she needs help

[Hooplahooping]

Yesterday’s thread here about people that have had intuitive or instant fear response got me thinking.

In my son’s class (of 20) I am getting to know the other parents gradually - we’re a generally chatty and inclusive bunch.

one of the mums really jangles my ‘all is not well’ spidey senses. I’m not scared of her, just have this real anxiety for her. She seems extremely sweet - but always like she’s performing happiness slightly desperately.

A couple of incidents where I’ve noticed her husband be really short dismissive of her just ‘off camera’ (he’s extremely charming to everyone else) haven’t helped.

I absolutely do NOT want to talk to other parents in the class about it. I also don’t want to be inappropriately intrusive to her. But she seems so kind + sad - and her daughter is a very sweet girl. I don’t want to be a bystander if something awful is happening to her…

is it wildly inappropriate to invite her for coffee and ask her if she is ok?

YABU - keep your nose out, you don’t know what is going on in her world because it’s none of your business

YANBU - It is better to ask and worst case scenario she thinks i'm a bit weird.

Invite her for coffee and be her friend (a friendly coffee where she can be herself might be very helpful to her), but don’t mention anything and let her bring it up if she wants to/feels comfortable.

Yep this (previous post).

Agree with pp, start up a relationship and see if the opportunity arises to provide support. Don't push or she might shut down.

I agree with @Keepitsimple1 - just be a friend, get to know her and try to create a space in which she can feel safe to talk if she wants to. You may or may not be right; you may just end up with a new friend, or you may be the one person she can run to, or leave her kids with, if things get really bad.

Hmm I'm not sure. Because if you did find out she's struggling with something because she opens up on the first coffee meet up then what next? Are you going to feel responsible for helping her with whatever it is? It's a strange way to start a friendship I think, like will it only ever be about you helping her?

I'm not saying don't do it but only do it if you feel like you are comfortable with keeping healthy boundaries and not feeling burdened by whatever it is.

Of course she might take you up on the offer and just not open up.

What KeepItSimple said.

Be a friend first & foremost. Let her know through your actions that you're a safe person.

It's incredibly sweet of you to care for someone, even of you don't know them all that well yet. I'd definitely invite her out for a coffee, but a pp said, don't bring anything up to her off the bat, given time, she'll most likely let you know how she is on her own accord. Then if it does look like she needs any help, you can give it to her l, even if it's just to vent, also point her out to mumsnet, but let her know she'll need a thick skin sometimes x

Ask her and her dd for a play date … be friendly from there. If you really want to help then you have to be closer.. and she may never open up but having a friend is always great

Don't ask if she's ok. Try strike up a friendship instead. If I wasn't ok and someone I didn't really know that well sat me down and asked if I was ok, I'd run for the hills.

What @Keepitsimple1 said in the first reply.

I agree with most posters, just invite her for coffee & see how things go.

id also engineer it so I was offering to treat her in case money is an issue. Something like 'I was given a voucher for Christmas, would you be free to come & help me spend it? It's not somewhere I go often'

that's pretty crap 😂but something along those lines.

Yes this

This is a very helpful reminder to check my motives + capacity. Not something I’m reliably good at - Thank you