AIBU to want to do 'hobbit' birthdays?

[herewegoroundthebastardbush]

i.e. on my birthday I buy a gift for all my friends/family, and they do likewise for me on theirs?

This is totally down to laziness because I'm shit at remembering birthdays and always end up being late and getting stressed. I'd much prefer to just one big job lot every year like Christmas, then recieve little pick-me-ups all year round instead of a load of gifts all at once on my birthday, that would be ideal for me. But no-one else seems to be up for it!

AIBU? Would anyone prefer it this way round?

Stressful and expensive! But I do like the idea that some workplaces do.. that everyone brings in a cake on their birthday to save there being one person saddled with remembering and sourcing cakes.

We don't really do anything for birthdays in our family beyond childhood but I can see the appeal of your idea. Getting gifts randomly throughout the year sounds nice for receivers and givers only have to remember to buy on one occasion.
Unfortunately I don't think it would work very well though, or at least not outside your nuclear family. It would be awkward for people within your extended family/friends whose own circle weren't involved wouldn't it? Someone who was in your Hobbit group but whose own family and wider social circle weren't would need to buy for some people on the giver's birthday and others on the receiver's. It could get quite confusing I think.

I would love this! What a great idea.

well, yanbu to want this.
But I’m not sure people will go along with it (and that would be completely reasonable as well). I personally wouldn’t be keen on this.

Most of my friends and many family members don’t really “do” birthday presents tbh. This kind of set-up would make me feel as if I had to participate in gift giving, even if I didn’t have a suitable present in mind etc.

and I would be incredibly worried about forgetting somebody…

It comes across as being lazy and selfish imho, also not many people do it so it's never really going to catch on.

No I don’t think it would be nicer.

I’m not a big person for gifts anyway and I REALLY wouldn’t want anyone to be thinking about buying me a gift on THEIR birthday.

I only really buy for my nuclear family (and a very small group of friends) and my kids would hate this!

Sometimes, especially on a special birthday, I really want to celebrate that person by getting or doing something nice for them.

On my birthday, I like to host a party and I see that as a present to my friends and family (come, have fun, eat and drink etc.).

The bottom line for me is that it sort of says, I don’t care about you on your actual birthday (and these are people I really do care about or I wouldn’t get them a gift) as it’s not convenient for me, and I don’t like that message whether it’s intended or otherwise.

No thanks. Nothing to stop you buying all of your gifts for the year in one go if you want and then storing them in a cupboard to be distributed on people's actual birthdays.

I'm not naturally organised and I have had to learn strategies to develop the skill and use a lot of support to keep on top of things. Put all of the birthdays in a calendar and set up an alert for a week or two before.

I think try it if you want to... with a smaller more understanding group at first.

But (and I can't believe I'm saying this or remember it) it worked in Hobbiton because it was a widespread custom, a lot of the gifts were secondhand and re gifted or really just items they wanted to get rid of and the person would probably pass them on again at the next birthday. A bit like putting things in a charity shop. Bilbo was considered unusual because he gave better presents than most.

Also does that mean they have to wait until your birthday to get a gift from you. How are you going to sell this idea to them. Not many would be impressed with you saying that you can't be bothered with keeping up with birthdays. It doesn't make the individual person's birthday special at all or it kind of says that you can't think about them.

You'd be better off getting a proper birthday calendar (phone reminder) buying a batch of cards in advance with stamps... and also presents as you see them and saving them up for the actual birthdays. Or gift vouchers as i agree people are very hard to buy for these days.
In a way, contacting friends ( who are adults) and wishing them HB is more important than the present.

I like the idea! But I’d also happily take up the Hobbit habit of several breakfasts, lunches and dinners!

Well I like it op mainly because my birthday is early January so I could regift those rubbish Christmas gifts and buy some tat in the sales like people do for me.
Hopefully then I would get nice thoughtful gifts throughout the year.

I think the current way is better. Getting something for someone on their birthday is not just meant to be about the gift, it's about showing thoughtfulness and appreciation.

If you only want to do birthdays the hobbit way because you can't be arsed to remember (or save in your Google calendar, it's so easy!!) any birthdays, then that is just rubbish.

Remembering things is not easy for me for whatever reason. I see the reminder, think "Oh I must buy something nice for so and so," I go to get the milk out of the fridge, and it's gone forever. It may sound selfish, but really I just want to stop disappointing people so often!

Set up the reminder to keep popping up every 12 or 24 hours until you mark it as completed.

Hm..

On one level I like it as an idea. I think you could easily explain to friends and family that you are going to buy presents for them on your birthday. You are giving the gift so it’s totally your choice. I don’t think anyone should expect a gift and I’d be delighted to be given one at a random point in the year.

However I think it is unreasonable to expect others to do the same for you, unless they want to. I am very busy around my birthday and this would add stress whereas I use my birthday for a bit of self care. Whereas I love thinking of individual presents for people throughout the year. So I wouldn’t want to do it personally.

Put reminders in your phone calendar, it's not difficult.
No need for this 'oh i'm shit at remembering , are t I quirky shit'

what? Rather than spread the thinking and the buying out over a year you want to put it all on one day? What if you are unwell or really busy around then? It just lumps all the work into one period.

If you hate the buying all year long then do it in one go, wrap them all up. And then keep them in a cupboard and just hand them out at the right time. With alerts in your phone for when to do it.

No need to be so utterly unpleasant for no reason, I didn't forget YOUR birthday did I??

I can see that, then all your presents are spread through the year!
I remember when I was at school most children brought in sweets or cake to share on their birthday. At my first job, I brought in brownies to share on my birthday and people were really apologetic that no-one had organised a work-provided birthday cake. I guess if you work somewhere that does group treats for individuals' birthdays, that's a bit like a hobbit birthday, but my jobs have either been self-employed or my first job which was fairly erratic (some people got a huge and elaborate birthday cake/additional treats, others got completely ignored)

That's how it comes across.

You're not a Hobbit, OP, and they didn't do it quite like you're proposing (pp has described it fairly accurately above).

Put reminders in your phone if you have one (unlike the residents of The Shire)

Well I do have hairy toes...

😀

With a mid January birthday where nobody gets me anything because they're skint, dropping the expense of buying everybody else gifts (when I'm still a fortnight away from payday as well) onto me just isn't happening.